Like, it’s not like she took a kid, or sullied my name, or took money, or ruined the life of anyone close to me. She just kinda deliberately and very dramatically broke my heart.
I’m fine now; it definitely altered the course of my life and definitely caused a lot of pain, struggle, isolation, depression, humiliation, anxiety, etc. And a decade ago I was sure I hoped she’d face the same. Well she’ll face all of what she put me through… And way more… Under the threat of death.
It felt like finding out your hero is a fraud, if that makes sense. Like “Oh, this is actually not what I wanted at all. This is not cool. This sucks. And is actually pretty depressing.”
“Every heartwarming human interest story in America is like ‘he raised $20,000 to keep 200 orphans from being crushed in the orphan-crushing machine.’ And then never asks why there is an orphan-crushing machine or why you’d need to pay to prevent it from being used.”
It’s a slow grind, but I suggest consulting. It sounds like you have a diverse set of skills that could be of use to some companies.
My method is to apply to jobs that I can tell barely need to hire someone. A small juice company hiring a full time web developer? lol, no. A shoe store that needs a network admin for 50k??! bro.
I apply to these jobs and instead of applying, I sell. I have a website setup that has projects, certs, resume, git, art projects (digital). It all shows I can do a lot of different stuff. I talk to them about their actual need, and suggest that an ad hoc relationship should work (if it could)
I have some clients at $150 a month and 2 hrs per month, plus $75/hr after 2 hrs. I have some clients at $1500 a month, and 20 hrs per month. More like $200/hr beyond agreement. I assess on case by case basis.
I have 12 clients. I have a guaranteed $5000+ a month. I don’t work that much. Sometimes I have to cancel plans to work an emergency all nighter (if I fucked up…)
I have outsourced work before as well.
It’s taken me since 2019 to get here. I’ve tended a lot of bar since then to make ends meet, but it’s working now.