saltnotsugar

@saltnotsugar@lemm.ee

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

saltnotsugar,

If it smells like poop everywhere you go, check under your own shoe.

saltnotsugar,

Not gonna lie. I’d watch a Star Trek romantic comedy called Klingon To You.

saltnotsugar,

“Does anyone in your crew ever yell Khan really loud?”
No. Nah man. Shit no man. I believe you get your ass kicked for yellin something like that.

saltnotsugar,

#1: Raise the banner of the Vanilla Ice Cream League!

saltnotsugar,

69% of 420 is equal to 420% of 69.

saltnotsugar,

Stormtrooper: It’s not that I’m lazy, I just don’t care.

saltnotsugar,

“Oh wow, are you gonna show me the world?”

Best I can do is a wild night in Glasgow.

saltnotsugar,

(Me coming back with the wrong onions)

FOOL OF A TOOK!

saltnotsugar,

(Goes through a phone maze to get the option you need, then the robot voice comes on)

“OUR STAFF CAN HANDLE THAT REQUEST TUESDAY THROUGH THURSDAYS BETWEEN 10AM AND 4PM. GOODBYE.”

saltnotsugar,

We do not perform Mama Mia FOR you. We will perform it AT you.

saltnotsugar,

Daaaaaang, are you a financial audit of my taxes? Cuz I want nothing to do with you.

saltnotsugar,

Let’s get some good camera shaking going, turn on the night vision, and run out of the room randomly.

saltnotsugar,

What if we kissed under the Early Miocene ocean? Just kidding………UNLESS???

saltnotsugar,

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing the songs of angry shitposts!

saltnotsugar,

Mittens! Call in a danger close artillery strike on that position!
(Disciplined meowing)
COPY GRIFFIN 2-6. FIRE MISSION OUT.

saltnotsugar,

“Let’s practice”
…Let’s fuckin NOT.

saltnotsugar,

“Blimey Harry! This panzerfaust looks wicked,” Ron said. “Come along you two. We need to hold this bridge for three hours,” Hermione barked from the Tiger tank. Harry had never seen such bullshit before, and thought this whole magic business seemed rather bothersome.

saltnotsugar,

As a rule these pillows are never comfortable, overly expensive, and you can’t make forts out of them.

saltnotsugar,

Mom, all the girls like me and it’s distracting. Can you fuck my shit up?

saltnotsugar,

How to electrify up the bedroom with lightning fingers (safe search OFF)

saltnotsugar,

To be fair, the skeleton didn’t make a xylophone sound when approaching, which is directly against industry best practices.

saltnotsugar,

He barks but he’s bilingual.

saltnotsugar,

Hey can you mark a porcelain figure of a woman and a chicken?
“Sure, old ladies love-“
Yeah but the chicken needs a gaping asshole.

saltnotsugar,

A curse to live to such an age, where foul raisins defile such an innocent dish.

saltnotsugar,

Your chances of being shanked by a raccoon are unlikely…but never zero.

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • localhost
  • All magazines
    •
    Loading…
    Loading the web debug toolbar…
    Attempt #