The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own. (Epictetus, Discourses 2.5.4–5).
I always go back to this task: is this “bad” situation something that I can control? If not, let it go - it is neither good nor bad. If yes, then how? Do the “how”. The “how” may be specific actions or they may be about controlling how I perceive the situation. If I perceive the situation negatively, work out how to perceive the situation positively. eg. Losing a job may be viewed as bad because of money issues or career issues but could be viewed positively as an opportunity to pursue passions. Perceptions are controllable so bend them to positive constructive ends.
It’s probably whatever my phone charger uses (USB C probably), but that’s mostly because I’m associating the little buzz my phone does when it starts charging with the connection. So yeah, purely fetishistic.
Pee Wee’s Big Adventure as a child and too many Michael Bay Transformers sequels as an adult due to their frequency on FX and now Pluto TV. I think Dark of the Moon is aired most often.
Yeah I don’t really rewatch movies except maybe to sort of show them to other people. But I have a small child so I know my top movies are Moana and Encanto, just not by choice
Just be yourself also is good advice. Not that it will always be successful in advancing the relationship. But it will be less stressful for you and prevent you from wasting years of your life with someone who only likes you for your fake personality.
If you have a horrible personality work on that so just being yourself doesn’t mean being an asshole. Even then though at least anyone getting into the relationship will know that ahead of time and not after the divorce.
Our concept of self is more fluid than most people realise, and we will often be very different in different social groups. We might not even notice this until those social groups collide. Each version of yourself is no more or less “you” than any other.
Thanks for the quality comment. It really is difficult to define since the sense of self is just a concept to begin with.
By being yourself, I would take that to mean being true to your intentions, interests, and general demeanor in the moment. All those can change with time.
Avoiding things like pretending to be interested in sports, pretending to hate comics, pretending to be a “player”, pretending to be overly macho, hiding politics, etc are all things that I have seen people do. If your interests change that’s normal but I wouldn’t recommend feigning things that are untrue for you in the moment.
I think aspiring for self improvement would still count as being true to yourself if you genuinely want to improve.
Is it not? If a relationship forms out of you not being yourself then that’s not healthy. Although you would have to be not-yourself constantly and at that point doesn’t that not-yourself become yourself?
Is this a “be the change you want to see in the world” kinda thing?
I think of it like a digital facial expression. Upvoting is akin to smiling or conveying some other positive emotion like affirmation or understanding (even if the subject matter is inherently negative). Downvote is the opposite- someone says something irl that makes you frown or grimmace, or you know they’re telling you a lie, your expression can convey that without a single word. Here, downvote.
There’s no real etiquette - if you feel like you want to give an up or down vote, just do it and don’t put too much thought into it.
The Princess Bride is definitely up there for me. I don't usually rewatch movies, but this is one that I'll always be glad to sit through again and again.
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