The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own. (Epictetus, Discourses 2.5.4–5).
I always go back to this task: is this “bad” situation something that I can control? If not, let it go - it is neither good nor bad. If yes, then how? Do the “how”. The “how” may be specific actions or they may be about controlling how I perceive the situation. If I perceive the situation negatively, work out how to perceive the situation positively. eg. Losing a job may be viewed as bad because of money issues or career issues but could be viewed positively as an opportunity to pursue passions. Perceptions are controllable so bend them to positive constructive ends.
Try to imagine the worst thing that could happen. Usually, it’s not catastrophic enough to warrant the anxiety you feel about it.
Figure out all the levers you can pull on to make things go your way. When there’s uncertainty, that means there are big factors you can’t control, but there are usually still some factors you can control.
For going through a hard time:
Think about another hard time you’ve gone through that seems like it’s now in the very distant past. Someday, this thing will feel that distant too.
Its really unhealthy but it’s an intrusive thought. I just imagine like supporting my full weight by hooks on my veins. Like, just somehow holding my full weight by the veins in my arms specifically. Then I’m like, fuck. It could be so much worse than it is now. Its been a reoccurring thought for years in the harder times. Now it kinda makes me feel better in a way.
I say that a lot. Usually when I’m alone and frustrated, tired, in physical or emotional pain…
I don’t want to die. What I’m saying is “make whatever is causing the current situation to suck to stop”. It tends to be cathartic, and occasionally leads me to thinking about how to fix the situation myself.
What if we killed you and then saved the few cells that survived longest and cloned you from them and kept doing that until you had skin tougher than diamonds and super strength and an unquenchable thirst for blood?
Sometimes I do positive self talk, but will not work without some basic attitude. And that is the selfishness, brutal and cruel. So during hardest and darkest time the positivy have actually a scary light and I hope to never be tested by someone in the future.
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