I say that a lot. Usually when I’m alone and frustrated, tired, in physical or emotional pain…
I don’t want to die. What I’m saying is “make whatever is causing the current situation to suck to stop”. It tends to be cathartic, and occasionally leads me to thinking about how to fix the situation myself.
What if we killed you and then saved the few cells that survived longest and cloned you from them and kept doing that until you had skin tougher than diamonds and super strength and an unquenchable thirst for blood?
These were the words I used when discussing an upcoming potential termination,
“But the person I’ll be on the other side of [this crisis of maybe termination] will be no more absolutely or permanently diminished than the one I became after any other of the subjectively substantial life-changing crises.”
I’ve lived through some pretty painful shit. I feel quite angry about the misery I consider my life to currently be, but I still choose to live. With these words I was explaining that this “disaster” couldn’t be any more miserable than the sundry other miseries I’ve learned to live with. The consequences of this “crisis” may absolutely be something I will hate deeply and bitterly, but I doubt it’s going to be the straw that gets me to break this camel’s back.
Sometimes I do positive self talk, but will not work without some basic attitude. And that is the selfishness, brutal and cruel. So during hardest and darkest time the positivy have actually a scary light and I hope to never be tested by someone in the future.
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