I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

fastandcurious,

Stamp that i was here. Truly an outstanding post

Crit_D,

I came to Lemmy as a substitute for Reddit, and I'm impressed at how little time it took to reach the high-quality posts that Reddit was known for.

zurohki,

Your comment made me put down my phone and laugh out loud until someone came and checked that I was alright.

Tgfgfc,

☝️🤓☝️

IverCoder,
@IverCoder@lemmy.ml avatar

I was here!

BingoBangoBongo,

High quality shit posts

hare_ware,

This, by definition, is not a shit post.

megane_kun,
@megane_kun@lemmy.world avatar

It's not just OPs strange and mysterious predicament that has made this thread epic, but also the genuine efforts of some of us to help OP in the midst of wild, off the wall, guessing.

And then there's the misplaced reply that ended up in the perfect place.

And I'm glad to have seen it first hand.

allywilson,

Glastonbury?

MesaCoast,

Aha! You are joining the circus!!!

DontAskAboutUpdog,

I loled so hard at this I spill my beer.

synima,

Leaving a comment to be part of Lemmy history.

Thedogspaw,
@Thedogspaw@midwest.social avatar

This is the shit posting I like to see

Thedogspaw,
@Thedogspaw@midwest.social avatar

youtu.be/Z54XNJivHOs I was there at the dawn of the third age of mime kind

JoeTheSane,

I’m so happy I’m here!

archomrade,

Curiosity aside:

Pooping happens when the body needs to eliminate undigested waste. Almost everything that is edible has some amount of indigestible material, but some has far less than others.

The other important factor is the stimulation of bile release. This usually happens in the presence of bitter foods: dark leafy greens, pickles and other fermented foods, ect. Fats are also known to stimulate bile release. Biles primary function actually is to break down fatty acids. Even if youve eaten mostly bio-available nutrients, if your gallbladder gets stimulated you could end up on the toilet anyway.

So if your goal is to avoid pooping for several days, your ideal diet will avoid fibrous and bitter fruits and vegetables, and avoid fatty foods.

If it were me, I would eat lean meats (chicken or venison), possibly dried into jerky, and simple fruits, or juiced vegetables and fruits. The less food you eat generally, the more you’ll avoid building up waste in your intestines.

Just a heads-up: if your succeed in your goal and don’t poop for several days, your first poop after can possibly be, erm, explosive. Your gallbladder will likely continue accumulating bile during your poop-fast, and the first thing you eat that stimulates it’s release may flood your small intestines. So plan your first meal carefully!

God speed.

nix,

This advice definitely fits OP’s specifications, but definitely worth stressing that if you only eat fruits and meats for a while you’re gonna have a BAD time when you do finally poop.

archomrade,

Yea, I mean generally I wouldn’t advise not pooping for 3 days, but who am I to question OP’s motivation 🤷‍♂️

uint8_t,

I would add to this a proper enema in the beginning to start from zero. that way 3 days are easy.

source: I was bedridden for over a week in a hospital. ate. did not poop.

KeefChief12,

Just tell us the reason.

Wirrvogel,

I was here witnessing lemmy history being made and I will probably die of curiosity if we do not get an update. I do not have any tips. I just hope that you come back safe and sound.

PM_ME_FEET_PICS,

Avoid fiber like plague

BongRipsMcGee420,

Just bring a wheel of cheese as your only food. Nobody will find that strange...

awkwardtheturtle,

fuck lemmy fuck you all im the real awkward the turtle fuck you /u/spez

professor,

I’m honestly more curious about this than I was about any of the locked safes.

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