I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

demvoter,
@demvoter@kbin.social avatar

I was here for this post that will go down in Fediverse history.

iRyu,

It'll be a year and someone will ask "What is the story about the guy who couldn't poop for 3 days"

We'll sit down and let me tell you a story, lad

StarLuigi,
@StarLuigi@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Pretty sure I already saw this reposted on Reddit (not sure, my reddit client and my Lemmy client look too similar so I keep mixing them up!!)

BleakBluets,
@BleakBluets@lemmy.world avatar

I'll know the Fediverse is mainstream when I inevitably see this post and comments in a top 10 list or being read by an AI voice and posted to a video sharing site as part of an automated content farm.

Harlan_Cloverseed,
@Harlan_Cloverseed@kbin.social avatar

See you in other threads referencing this happening!

Grosshirn,

Yep. Me too. This kind of content was... unexpected

JWBananas,
@JWBananas@kbin.social avatar

Good luck winning that car!

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

If i was gonna be on a Mr Beast video i would've probably spent some money on an actual specialist

JWBananas,
@JWBananas@kbin.social avatar

I have no idea what you're talking about

airportline,
@airportline@lemmy.world avatar

Famous YouTube star and Satan worshiper.

literallyacat,
@literallyacat@kbin.social avatar

....You're gonna try to ship yourself to Timbuktu, aren't you.

SubArcticTundra,
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

You can poop in a mail van. Someone might just receive a delivery they didn’t ask for

victron,
@victron@kbin.social avatar

Please post again after your ordeal, OP.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

I won't be able to come online during or right after the three-day period but if i remember it afterwards I'll update the post with an edit

TheRecycledMoth,

“If you remember”

Do you do things like this often enough that you forget which ones you posted about?

TheShane,

This was my reaction!

bigkahuna1986,

I’ve got a friend with ADHD and forgetting to update is something he would totally do.

match,
@match@pawb.social avatar

!remindme 2 wee -- aw fuck now I'm sad

ArugulaZ,
@ArugulaZ@kbin.social avatar

Uh, are you David Blaine? Do you plan on burying yourself in a coffin for three days?

sarsaparilyptus,

GOMAD - Gallon Of Milk A Day

Can't promise you won't have severe diarrhea

cyshield,

That post made me so sad. Because I know I will never find out why you need this ☹️

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

I mean... If we know each other irl but can't tell because if internet anonymity you might already know..

Hyggyldy,

Such an oddly terrifying post.

groggy,

I was here when the no-shit post jump started the popularity of this platform. My children will be so proud

joakimcalais,

You’re gonna be on a sub right?

victron,
@victron@kbin.social avatar

OP is probably a billionaire.

TheTeaMonster,

Yikes

swancheez,
@swancheez@lemmy.world avatar

Exactly where my mind went.

Juliie,

Avoid fiber like a plague, already

So no to popular fruits and vegetables, no carrots, beets, strawberry, apples

Hmm but also it would be good to actually poop last day before hike so maybe take some pills for that day before for a huge splasshh bbbrrrr

When you return expect to give birth to a shitman

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

I haven't eaten fibre for a while to prepare for this. I don't mind severe constipation but i just need to get through those 3 days without pooping. Also not going on a hike idk why everyone is assuming that. Anyways, thanks.

copylefty,

I don't have any suggestions but would like to give my thanks for the quality content

techtask,

MREs. Particularly US MREs. You can eat em as much as you want and you won't have to go for a week.

Fear the end of the week, however

whenlifegivesyoureddit,

Glad I wasn't the only one to think ration packs. UK ones used to have similar effects

CanadaPlus, (edited )

Especially if you don't rehydrate them properly. That's where the reputation comes from at least partly.

Edit: Or so I hear.

sethboy66,

What US MRE requires rehydration? Retort pouches are universally used to carry wet rations, I thought the only hydration needed was for drink mixes like instant coffee and drink mixes.

CanadaPlus,

I'm actually just repeating what I've heard. I'll add a disclaimer.

That surprises me, though. It must add a lot of weight. The Canadian ones have dehydrated or partly dehydrated components.

eulheim,
@eulheim@feddit.de avatar

I had a very good time reading this.

I’d recommend to throw some Loperamidhydrochlorid in the mix, not sure if you can find it in your pharmacy. When I’ve been too Music Festivals, we’ve always had some as an emergency, if the toilets would be clogged (which happened a lot).

Stay strong 👍🏻

Vex_Detrause,

Just be careful with these, if you overdo it you'll have constipation. Which is also dangerous when it lasts long.

Butt to add on the solution codeine or Tylenol#3 or narcotics can decrease motility which results in constipation.

Xanthrax,
@Xanthrax@lemmy.world avatar

Try asking the bottoms from the lgbtq+ communities.

norbert,
@norbert@kbin.social avatar

They'd just tell you to do an enema.

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