I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

danc4498,

Why do you need this?

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

I'm sorry but i really can't say that here

withdrawn,

Just stay away from expensive submersible trips.

jzefbeio54,

underrated comment

denemdenem,

As far as I know the last one went to shit real fast.

assa123,
@assa123@lemmy.world avatar

keep safe, I really hope you're not being used as a drug mule (or forcing someone to be one).

NewNewAccount,

Dude’s going to jail and has poop anxiety.

bernieecclestoned,

Can you take a packed lunch to jail?

It's no picnic! Lol

lunarshot,
@lunarshot@lemmy.world avatar

bro, did Jurassic Park teach us nothing? when you gotta go, you gotta go!

paddythegeek,

I’d you can eat meat, beef jerky. Generally any high protein, low carb diet will be low output. Not sure about the sweating though.

TheMightyCanuck,
@TheMightyCanuck@sh.itjust.works avatar

Meat sweats lmao

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

Thanks a lot. It should be easy to find food like that where I'm going.

SirShanova,

At a guess, are you going to Philmont? Pack in, pack out your human waste?

Wander,
@Wander@yiffit.net avatar

Do you need energy? So there's something called the pineapple diet (please ask your doctor first) where you eat pineapple for three days to lose weight. Biggest problem here is the spam, so I guess you'd have to use some sort of food that can be rehydrated like soylent.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

I'm not allowed to eat pineapple for medical reasons 😅. Thanks for replying though.

MajorMajormajormajor,

1 word: pancakes. Nature's cork.

assclapcalamity,

okeydokey for the weirdo who doesn't shit from eating flour, eggs and milk. maybe you should drink more water?

unomas,

pancakes. Nature’s cork.

Nobody's ever said that before.

MajorMajormajormajor,

You obviously haven't rolled a pancake up into a cylinder and give it the tappy tap up the ol' poop chute eh? You're missing out.

homesnatch,

Intense scribbling.. With or without the maple syrup?

MajorMajormajormajor,

Without, do you want ants? That is how you get ants.

rlaimondas,

@mizu6079 Vinegar

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

It's gonna be my main food and I can only carry a cinch bag so I don't think it would be a good idea use up space for a liquid...

briongloid,
@briongloid@aussie.zone avatar

Some armies use cheese to reduce frequency of bowel movements.

bkmps3,

This. I’m ex-military. Our ration packs came with these highly processed cans of cheese. I’d go 4-5 days without doing a shit.

Was never a good time after though

Velkas,

Ugh, I'd die. Dairy allergy means I'd shit my brains out

assa123,
@assa123@lemmy.world avatar

That would be counterproductive xD

Ghostalmedia,
@Ghostalmedia@lemmy.world avatar

hot hot hot hot hooooooooot

bilb,
@bilb@lem.monster avatar

I always hear MREs cause days-long constipation, but they probably aren't in the "easy to find" category.

Wander,
@Wander@yiffit.net avatar

I did not know that. I might want to consider eating more cheese just to have more time :P

ch00f,

NASA used steak and eggs https://www.tastingtable.com/955518/why-steak-and-eggs-was-the-choice-breakfast-for-astronauts/

Diskolikewhoa,

Was going to say this too. Especially processed cheese, that'll bind up your insides tighter than a sub in a vacuum bed.

zik,

Let's hope he's not lactose intolerant

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

What type of cheese?

Mothra,
@Mothra@mander.xyz avatar

Drier, hard cheese gives better results. If you want to not poop you cut out all fibre (anything vegetable). No coffee, no sauces/ oils. Eat less

AndyGHK,

“Hon hon hon, eet seems le poupeaux, she has surrendered!!”

dakerDraws,
@dakerDraws@pawb.social avatar

Does that work for (a good portion of the population) who are lactose intolerant?

jaeposten,
@jaeposten@midwest.social avatar

Sunflower seeds

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

Thanks a lot. I'm not sure I can easily find them where I am right now but I'll try.

Edit: Wait... don't sunflower seeds contain fibres? Shouldn't that make it harder to hold poop in?

snipe_at,
@snipe_at@lemmy.world avatar

i think the goal would be to eat the seed in the middle and not the husk

Kettlepants,

It won't be poop, it'll mostly be butter-style spread if that's all you're consuming. Wrapped up in a cellulose husk. Prepackaged for your convenience.

tebro,

I was concerned of the amount of users not being enough to generate content, but so far I have been proven wrong. And the quality of the content is much better. At least for now.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

Huh?

freeman,

Its an entertaining post and thread

adj16,

They’re ribbing you a little bit for making such a weird post. They were worried that fewer users on Lemmy would mean less interesting and unique posts, but here you are, making the most unusual content most of us have seen all day (or week).

someguy3,

The opposite of a shitpost.

adj16,

😆 nice one

tebro,

That wasn’t actually it 😂 I was replying to some other post and after the fact realized that something has gone weird as I suddenly saw this post title up top. Seems my comment deletion didn't quite take

adj16,

Oh lmao well it ended up being the perfect snarky response to such a wild post so just roll with it I guess!

imaqtpie,
@imaqtpie@sh.itjust.works avatar

Lmao I've seen this happen a few times before and I knew it would end up being hilarious at some point.

Congrats, you just got a lucky little bit of Lemmy history.

https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/273f293b-72b7-4ed6-a390-e4c72cb04061.webp

codRL,

I read about that happening to someone else earlier.

Your comment is still kinda perfect for this post though, haha!

Wander,
@Wander@yiffit.net avatar

I've actually gotten really good replies over a communities like !selfhosted

RomanRoy,
@RomanRoy@lemmy.world avatar

I mean, it really makes sense that self hosted communities grow strong in Lemmy, since it is self hosted.

That's why I'm pissed at the suckers at homelab

Mugmoor,
@Mugmoor@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Honestly /r/homelab is such a useless sub anyways. It's like /r/guitarpedals. Posts of the new gear people have bought, but have no clue how to use.

HobbitFoot,

This whole set of comments, no shit.

dipbeneaththelasers,

Mission accomplished

atwerp,

no shit

yes, that's the whole point, didn't you read the post?

livus,
@livus@kbin.social avatar

Literally. That is the objective.

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