utopia_dig,
@utopia_dig@lemmy.ml avatar

The ability to stop pooping for three days.

Crabhands,
@Crabhands@lemmy.ml avatar

Each day you don’t poop, you lay an egg that hatches into a random monster. The egg is indestructible.

Gazumbo,

But when you eventually poop your in the middle of human a human centipede

JuxtaposedJaguar,

The ability to talk to animals

1st,

You can talk to animals, but it includes insects and birds... and you can't shut their conversion out for some peace and quiet

lazylion_ca,

You can talk to animals now. I think what you mean is you want them to be able to talk too.

Johandea,

Your already can talk to animals. We all understand you.

RexKev,

Everytime you talk to an animal, every moving living being around you looks like the animal you talked to for the next 2 hours.

skillissuer,

you can talk to animals, but they don't want to (they are very prejudiced)

jgrim,

Clear anyone of debt just by thinking it.

Orvanis,

Their debt transfers to you.

nichty,

And then to you…

CanadaPlus,

And then to an orphan somewhere. You monster.

skillissuer,

removal of debt happens by way of destruction of banking infrastructure. this may or may not be related to other harm

-- this is actually how quite a lot of people got debts cleared on 9/11 (this was before offsite backups)

Adi2121,

The ability to touch a book to instantly know its content.

sayabulegila,

but you must feel a paper cut from every single page of knowledge

dystop,
@dystop@lemmy.world avatar

It only works if you touch it with your penis.

Adulated_Aspersion,

There are no downsides. Perfect.

tr00st,

… but every page becomes blank just before you touch it.

eltimablo, (edited )

Every book you encounter will always be written in a language you don't speak.

wattanao,
@wattanao@fedia.io avatar

The title of the book appears somewhere on your skin, and if removed you will forget any knowledge from that book, whether you obtained it through reading or your power. The titles must be legible, and cannot overlap.

blackstrat,
@blackstrat@lemmy.fwgx.uk avatar

Ability to secrete custard from my hands at will.

zarathustra,

Only when orgasming

knife,

this just makes it even better

lazylion_ca,

You constantly forget to wash your hands.

riskable,
@riskable@programming.dev avatar

Your mouth becomes sealed shut for 8 hours whenever you secrete custard.

CanadaPlus,

Hah! You clearly don't understand the power of refrigeration.

planetaryprotection,

My new bedtime routine would be filling up the custard freezer.

skillissuer,

ability to instantly know exact composition of a substance just by looking at it

bcron,

The exact composition of everything you look at is narrated to you, in order, in your own head, in the voice of Gilbert Gottfried

skillissuer,

even better

Weirdbeardgame,
@Weirdbeardgame@lemmy.ml avatar

The ability to study, understand and use fantasy level magic.

skillissuer,

you are still bound by laws of physics

TONKAHANAH,
@TONKAHANAH@lemmy.world avatar

magic is just physics we dont understand yet.. think this could still work

skillissuer,

if you want to lift something by telekinesis, you'd be just as tired, if not more, than if you used your hands. if you want to set something on fire by thought alone, you need to provide that initial energy somehow (like starting fire with bow drill). you'll be drained just as much as after physical work

AdrianTheFrog,
@AdrianTheFrog@lemmy.world avatar

No, if you were just worried about energy, you would be much less tired than by doing things manually. For example, moving a heavy object downhill would gain you energy, not lose it, and keeping a heavy object in the air would neither gain nor lose energy. it would only be lifting that is hard, and it would still be easier than lifting manually.

Edit: and according to Wikipedia, human muscles only have an efficiency of around 20%, so doing basically anything through magic would be 5x easier than doing it by hand.

skillissuer,

let's keep conservation of energy, conservation of momentum, conservation of angular momentum and conservation of mass. who said telekinesis is 100% efficient? also let's make it so that the bigger distance from user, the less efficient it gets

nostalgia_for_infinity,

This would be a fair limit. You would be limited by certain conservation laws, but as long as you would provide an adequate energy source (say, like Flash, you had to eat a lot more food) it could still be useful.

AdrianTheFrog,
@AdrianTheFrog@lemmy.world avatar

Obeying all of the laws of physics, magic wouldn't work at all. Assuming you were able to break a few but kept some such as conservation of energy, it would be very powerful, ex: teleportation does not break conservation of energy as long as you teleport to the same height you left from. If you were able to extract energy from your surroundings, you could probably do basically anything you want. You could lower the sun's heat by a degree and be able to move a mountain.

minorninth,

The ability to read another person's thoughts by looking at them.

megane_kun,
@megane_kun@lemmy.world avatar

Granted, but your thoughts are transmitted to the person looking at you.

thrilly,

Perfect timing.

Invishiro,
@Invishiro@midwest.social avatar

Except you feel the need to always respond to everyone else’s conversations. Your timing is impeccable yet everyone comes to resent your witty remarks.

miraclerandy,

Control time

Goob,

You retain no memories of anything that happened during a time stop. If you go back in time, everyone else remembers things normally, but you forgot that period of time completely.

lurkeymclerkface,

You can only control it one minute at a time and only forward

Jon-H558,

When you stop time you cannot move as all the air molecules around you are stopped.

GunnarRunnar,

You move with time.

Anissem,

Severe IBS

miraclerandy,

Worth it

JuxtaposedJaguar,

That’s my secret. I’m always shitting my pants.

ShlorpianMafia,
@ShlorpianMafia@lemmy.world avatar

Ability to transform into a dog that shoots bees when it barks

UsernameLost,

Bees come out of your eyes

demvoter,
@demvoter@kbin.social avatar

Your eyes are 10 feet wide.

UsernameLost,

Nope, hard pass

MeowdyPardner,
@MeowdyPardner@kbin.social avatar

The ability to nullify side effects :) I'll be rich as a doctor

1st,

You no longer have any side effects, only things intentionally done will happen. You must now consciously think about breathing and blinking as they are no longer side effects of being alive. As this is not a side effect, but rather the effect itself it cannot be nullified.

DarkenLM,

Oh shit, bro has to manually pump this blood. Well, he's fucked.

PlexSheep,

Teleportation by thinking of a place

theusualuser,

That place is the time you walked in on your parents having sex.

npastaSyn,

Does not teleport your cloths.

VanillaGorilla,

Hm, I'd still take it

CanadaPlus,

Ehh. Just look up pictures of nude beaches or something.

lazylion_ca,

As you get older you keep thinking back to places that no longer exist.

BlueKey,
@BlueKey@kbin.social avatar

You are unable to control the ability and will teleport even when you are just be reminded of a place.

skillissuer,

this includes extraterrestrial and fictional places

entropicdrift,
@entropicdrift@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

The first time you go to a church and actually understand what they're saying as a child, you go to hell

lazylion_ca,

Thinking includes dreams and nightmares. You wake up in interesting places.

Thavron,
@Thavron@lemmy.ca avatar

Telekinesis!

zebus,
@zebus@kbin.social avatar

But the strain and concentration required causes you to dump your drawers.

nichty,

You can be in the shit a lot with powers like telekinesis huh

UsernameLost,

Proctologists hate this one weird trick!

jackmon,

He should team up with 'Fly with farts'

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

Omnipotence

SirXer6xes,

The side-effect is randomized Dementia >:)

nichty,

You also gain impotence. Congratulations! You now know that you can only be a god by being a paradox

Chainweasel,

Having unlimited power means you control everything. You have no time to enjoy your power because you're constantly making sure the laws of physics stay and balance so the universe doesn't dissolve.

Bradamir,

Guthix basically.

SHamblingSHapes,

Every attempt at thought or action ends in an omnipotence paradox. E.g., can God make a rock so heavy even he can't lift it?

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