How to cope with existing right now?

It feels like no matter where I turn some septuagenarian, or older, is making life miserable for myself and others. Usually these are older white Christian conservatives, obsessed with a delusional sense of reality that no longer has a basis in fact, or perhaps never did.

There is a disproportionate amount of wealth concentrated in the older generation and those who will inherit it will probably be even worse with that money than the last generation. Certainly we see evidence of that already, anyone in their 30’s who has parents who help them out VS those who don’t have that have radically different outcomes. For some reason those lucky enough to come from good families ascribe laziness and bad attitude to those who don’t have the family support, as if they are somehow enjoying “self made success” while mummy does their laundry for them.

No generation previous needed this kind of assistance well into adulthood, but this infantilisation of working adults has happened because of the hoarding of wealth, refusing to pass on the torch in workplaces and just blocking change for the sake of stoking petty politics. Most of us will never own our own home but all the politicians want to talk about is whether it’s OK to dehumanise trans people or not.

I’m 36 this year. For most of my teens I thought there’d be some kind of tipping point where the conservative boomers would fuck off or at least let the next generation step in, but that hasn’t happened. Back in the 1990’s you could be a girl and wear jeans and be empowered, now this is considered some kind of woke statement. As if we recently invented this idea of women and men being equal.

The faces of my two dogs, my cat and my husband are all that keep me going. Knowing they need me gives me just enough to get out of bed in the morning and start moving… but I’m struggling to do even that without having a breakdown. My husband and I have medical expenses we can’t afford and are borrowing money to survive right now. I run my own business and just feel this immense pressure on my shoulders, that again is compounded by how unfair the world is right now.

Anyone got any advice for coping with this late stage capitalist hellscape?

OpenStars,
@OpenStars@discuss.online avatar

The entire world is going through this right now. Many of us will never own a home - and no I don’t mean just Gen-Z and maybe Millenials, I mean people your age even. Fwiw, you/we still are doing better off than at least 95% of the world, but that is not to diminish the pain that we are losing hope b/c we are not doing as well as we thought we would. Find a way of coping that works for you - I am still searching for mine…:-( I just thought it might help to say that you are not alone:-).

VikingHippie,

don’t mean just Gen-Z and maybe Millenials, I mean people your age even

They said they’re 36. That’s millenial. At 41, I’m what Iliza Schlesinger coined an Elder Millennial (a little under two months older than Iliza herself).

Great comment otherwise, though, and I sincerely hope you find your coping method(s)!

OpenStars,
@OpenStars@discuss.online avatar

Gen-Z and younger Millenials

The above is what I probably should have said. Interestingly (to me at least:-D), historically “Millenial” used to refer to what is now called “Z”, it once having been the term used to describe the generation that came after “Y”, but has shifted all the way over to now having absorbed Y and then replacing it entirely.:-P But yes, in 2018 (according to Pew) that situation finished switching and the old Z is now the new Y - though if you google search these terms, most results are how to market to these groups, and that likely confuses things further.

What I mean is that imho it is best to take these terms extremely loosely - e.g. an elder Millenial may share more in common with a late-stage Gen-Xer (“righteous dude!”, e.g. having watched similar TV programs even if as re-runs) than with the later half of what is now called “Millenial”, and similarly late Millenials with earlier Gen-Zs (no cap no skibidi, def no Ohio), and so on.

Though whether someone has rich parents or not seems to override all other factors such as generation or responsibility to work hard and save money for the future, when talking about owning a home:-(.

tory, (edited )

It is really weird how no one can imagine generations getting old. It’s like they think millenial is slang for teens, and Gen z is slang for younger kids.

afraid_of_zombies,

What is weird for me is seeing people who are supposedly in my cohort act like they are twice my age.

VikingHippie, (edited )

I wouldn’t mind splitting the difference and being 30 again tbh 😄

It’s that perfect middle where you’re (just barely) old enough that most people take you seriously (or at least don’t dismiss you based on youth alone), but also young enough that your body doesn’t ache from approaching middle age yet 😉

supermassiveasshole,

Take a hiatus from social media and from doomscrolling- it can be so incredibly damaging.

OpenStars,
@OpenStars@discuss.online avatar

Old people squeeze their eyes & ears shut so that they will neither see nor hear the cries of pain screams of agony as the world burns, and they say: “This is fine”.

Ngl, there is some merit to that - maybe that is how they survived as long as they have, as opposed to those that died young (selection bias). I too could become a zombie, numb to the world, and I would then exist even after it ceased to. But I choose to live - and that means to suffer, especially when my brethren and sistren all across the world suffer too.:-( It is not madness to feel pain when things are WRONG - I would argue that it is, in fact, sanity.

All that is the context for why I agree - we NEED to stay connected, but not 24/7; also it helps to balance doomscrolling with positive experiences: as described in what I thought was a super-excellent article on that subject.

highenergyphysics,

Carry a gun and wish a motherfucker would.

Works pretty well for me!

JustZ,

Yes when people have no control over their emotions they cling to control over their physical space.

dhcmrlchtdj__,
@dhcmrlchtdj__@lemmy.world avatar

You’re going to kill some people or threaten to do so and expect that to make the world a better place?

GBU_28,

If you want to hear your worries repeated again and again, hang around Lemmy

squiblet,
@squiblet@kbin.social avatar

I saw this 70 year old guy waiting at the hospital today, with his 70 year old wife in a wheelchair, produce wearing by his brand new TRUMP hat (along with a chain wallet, like he was 20 and it was 1996). My thought was: why the fuck does this loser have to fuck up society before he dies of old age?

SadSadSatellite,

He needs something to focus on other than dying and his sick wife. Don’t worry about it, just negate his vote, he’ll die first.

Huschke,

That might be good advise for America, but where in from it’s mainly young uneducated people that vote for parties that fuck up our system because they are blinded by racism. And guess which group of people is growing and not dying off? 😐

Bo7a, (edited )

Why is it always ok to shit on chain wallets, long hair on a man, or any other non-political style choice?

I sponsor and attend protests - have done so since the '90s. I help out at shelters and food banks and soup kitchens. I champion the causes of all people who are oppressed or otherwise neglected by society.

But my fucking chain wallet and ponytail make me less of a person?

Why?

squiblet,
@squiblet@kbin.social avatar

The chain wallet looked goofy on this 70 year old guy, that’s all.

Bo7a, (edited )

Sorry if I came off as attacking you.

I have been seeing a lot of posts that call out simple things like how I dress as indicative of being some MAGAt or bigot and I was just venting that out here. Like jeans and a plaid shirt with sunglasses are now the uniform of the standard racist asshole - But I don’t think it is fair to lump everyone in those clothes together. And if someone posted the same thing about a distinctly 2000s fashion, or dyed hair, they would get corrected quickly, but since my style is ‘old’ more people feel open to judging the book by its cover.

I did not mean to offend, or call you out personally, and I will try to be better about how I express these things going forward.

For reference - I am in my mid-40s, but I need my chain wallet since I bounce around the forest/homestead on tractors or dirt bikes a lot while building or doing chores, and would certainly lose it without some tether. I don’t have any excuse for my ponytail other than i have just always had it :p I’m sure baldness will end that soon too!

JustZ, (edited )

jeans and a plaid shirt with sunglasses are now the uniform of the standard racist asshole

Right? Like, you could just as easily be a cholo asshole. /j

Bo7a,

Exactly!

JustZ, (edited )

You left out the Trump hat and the neglected wife.

Bo7a,

Well I also hate Trump with the burning passion of a million dying suns - and I love my wife more than I love breathing.

JustZ, (edited )

Well, see, so if you recognize Trump for what he is, and you found a woman, a divine giver of life, to tolerate you, I can give you a pass for your wallet chain, Oakley’s, even a mullet, you must be a very decent person.

criitz,

Just pay attention to what makes you happy in life and don’t sweat the rest so much

user_1234,

Stop dwelling.

SadSadSatellite,

Stop paying attention to the media and do something rewarding. Build stuff, draw, read books, learn to cook, play an instrument, raise chickens, start camping. Do anything other than dwell in your misery. The world will continue regardless of you watching it. If you think everything is terrible, you already know which side of politics is evil, so just vote against them when the the me comes and don’t bother following what’s happening. You can’t effect it and it will only drive you crazy. It’s all just a distraction feeding a dopamine addiction you’ll never be ready to let go of. Social media especially. Play some slick jams and do the dishes, it’s very therapeutic.

wellee,

Well thats not true. You can volunteer, get involved in rallies and local elections, petition, protest. Those are great hobbies too ;)

solomon42069,

Yeah I think I need to get more involved in my local progressive political groups… I can’t complain about the world sucking if I’m not committing to being part of the better change myself.

KpntAutismus,

i have actually started reading books, watching actual shows/movies and playing more video games, instead of arguing with tankies online and watching shitty youtube videos.

SadSadSatellite,

While those are better than your alternative, they’re still sedentary activities that feed your dopamine addiction. Try doing things outside of screens and media. It will help.

Presi300, (edited )
@Presi300@lemmy.world avatar

Just don’t worry about it… It’s there, it’s happening, but it’s not like you can do anything about it, just sit back and enjoy the things you enjoy. Worrying about bullshit isn’t gonna fix it.

metaStatic,

Reclaim your labor. learn a skill that saves you money. use that to barter outside the system. remove yourself from the system as much as is practical. learn how to make a molotov. Just enjoy the simple things and don't get too caught up in who threw what at whom.

drmoose,

Have you considered moving? The capitalist hellscape is mostly an internet meme real in few places. Most places around the world are growing.

KpntAutismus,

distract yourself, ignorance truly is bliss.

i have multiple hobbies currently. i collect HotWheels, Nerf guns and the occasional LEGO Technic set.

3D Printing has been very fun, most entry level machines are 200€ and you can use fusion360 for free. the gridfinity system will restore order to any cluttered room.

also comitting to watching shows, reading books gives me a great sense of accomplishment.

to add to that, i set up an old PC as a NAS running truenas and jellyfin as a docker app. i’m also planning to add nextcloud to it.

i’m still very depressed, but without my hobbies i wouldn’t be here right now.

crazyminner, (edited )

You’re awesome, and hobbies are awesome.

Thank you for sharing.

I have a lot of similar hobbies, although I’ve been working so much lately I haven’t had much time to work on them. Can’t wait for the summer then I’ll have more time!

I highly recommend looking into Audiobook shelf if you listen to audio books.

KpntAutismus,

having to go to work is definetely one of the sources for my depression. and without giving too much personal info, i look forward to not having to do it in the future.

i do sometimes listen to podcasts, but haven’t tried audiobooks. i think my ebook reader can do them, i might try that sometime.

solomon42069, (edited )

I have a veggie garden, three pets, two businesses, multiple digital and physical projects…

All the distractions in the world don’t help much when my husband is writhing in pain and we can’t even see a surgeon. The Australian health system thinks walking, being able to work and living without pain isn’t a priority, in the next week we’ll have been on the waiting list for a year.

It gets my goat when we can’t even get into the public hospital without having to walk 500m through the car park because the private facilities have taken over the entire complex.

bandario,
@bandario@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

The Australian health system thinks walking, being able to work and living without pain isn’t a priority, in the next week we’ll have been on the waiting list for a year.

The global opiate crisis has created a situation where normal Australians in acute or chronic pain can no longer access pain management. The crazy thing is, due to strict prescribing guidelines we never really had the kind of problems that were seen in the USA, yet we have made doctor petrified to prescribe where there is genuine pain.

2 years on a waiting list is a very long time to try and get on with life in serious pain, and I’m very sorry that you are dealing with this. I know it can be difficult to carve out the time and money, but if you can push hard to see a pain management specialist you might have more luck. There are synthetic options that can be taken long term whilst you await your specialist appointment/ surgery but you have to PUSH. Visit the ER daily until you get an outcome if you can’t afford to buy your way in.

This country is under attack and every single person that buys into the lie of private healthcare drives another nail into our coffin.

KpntAutismus,

that fucking sucks.

my dad told me of a friend who broke his neck and was paralyzed from the neck down once. he was able to recover almost fully, but only because he was a football player and had a lot of sponsors paying for his therapy. otherwise he would’ve remained paralyzed probably.

not even tax euro funded hospitals help often times.

we are all royally fucked at the moment and we can’t really do anything about it except electing the least corrupt and most empathetic people as possible.

but whatever you do, your husband needs you. even if you can’t cure whatever problem there is, i’m sure being there for him and caring as much as possible, even if it’s very exhausting, means a lot to him.

that’s an easy thing to just type out, and i have no idea how hard it actually is. but keep going. this is what we do, this is what we have always done. that’s how we survive.

don’t become a statistic, become the change you want to see.

dexa_scantron,
@dexa_scantron@lemmy.world avatar

I’ve been struggling with this too, but doing ok mostly. Here’s what works for me:

  1. Spend time with people who make me feel hope instead of despair. It sounds like you know some entitled assholes; don’t spend time with them if they don’t improve you.
  2. Focus on local. What is happening right around me? What can I do to make it better? How am I interacting with my immediate environment?
  3. Focus on what is improving. In many, many ways it’s better now that it has been at any time in human history. Women have more freedom and power now than they ever have. I can learn anything I want to, find out anything I want to, almost instantly. More people are aware of systemic oppression now than ever before, and more people are willing to resist it than ever before.
  4. Pick what to be mad about. There are too many things to be angry about, so I try to pick the ones that I think are the most worth it. For me, they are: wealth accumulation (we’ve come so far, and built such a great civilization, and we let a few rich fuckers loot it. It was a mistake! We tricked ourselves into thinking it was a good idea! But we’re realizing it’s not, and it’s fixable) and systemic racism in the US (Black infants in America being twice as likely to die before they reach a year old than white infants is UNACCEPTABLE). Yeah, there’s an infinite amount of other shitty stuff, but I’m only one person.
  5. Picking and choosing social media/other news sources that don’t send me into a doom spiral. I don’t go on Twitter. I don’t go on Reddit any more. I don’t have Lemmy on my phone (sorry Lemmy, nothing personal, but it’s a bad doomscrolling hole for me). I go on Discord and I read blogs I subscribe to.

I believe that a person can only handle three big things at a time, and everything else needs to take a back seat to those three. You have your business, your family, and your medical debt. Those are your three burdens. When one of them gets light enough, you can take on something else. Gender equality and entitled rich people and identity politics are not your burdens right now. They can take a back burner until other stuff gets better for you.

Good luck, it’s hard.

solomon42069, (edited )

Thank you, some great advice and feels like affirmation I’ve taken the right first steps on my own, just need to keep at it!

Th4tGuyII,
@Th4tGuyII@kbin.social avatar

Sucks doesn't it -- I too used to think that the Boomers would at some point exit stage left and let newer generations take over, but not only have they continued to hold onto power well into their 60s/70s, they've also done everything they can to consolidate their own power and riches, while knocking the ladder out from under the later generations.

My only advice is to take a break for the news and focus on yourself, maybe find a de-stressing hobby like drawing or sewing. Aside from that, I just wish you best of luck.

finnolin, (edited )

i recommend to read “Hope in the Dark” by Rebecca Solnit

themurphy,

Like many else suggests: Cut the media. The world doesn’t care if you follow it or not, and you’ll be much happier all the time.

Alternative, try to follow positive media. I created my own community for this purpose only, called /c/worldinprogress

SorteKanin, (edited )
@SorteKanin@feddit.dk avatar

/c/worldinprogress

For the lazy: !worldinprogress

Great idea btw.

VikingHippie,

taps link to what is supposed to be a community about all the good stuff happening in the world

“Error: no posts”

Well, fuck.

Kidding aside, !upliftingnews probably has what you’re looking for

themurphy,

There’s 8 posts or something, because I just started the community.

And it’s not like UpliftingNews, because they focus more on individuals, as this is for general progress in the world.

Hope you’d like it!

VikingHippie,

There’s 8 posts or something

Weird. I set it to top all and Connect still gives me the no posts error 😔

subignition, (edited )
@subignition@kbin.social avatar

You are on a different instance than the community. Because it's a new community it probably just hasn't federated to your instance yet.

Edit: also if you're the FIRST person to access the community on your instance, that should be establishing federation in the first place

VikingHippie,

Ah ok, fair enough 🙂

solomon42069,

Already doing this, that doesn’t stop my next door neighbour from being harassed by the old couple on the corner. It doesn’t stop my narcissist mother from coming to my door even when I tell her I’m going to call the cops. There are real problems beyond people’s perceptions and feelings from the news.

SkyNTP, (edited )

I feel like you’ve got some other issues going on that you aren’t letting any one in on. Statements like “neighbour from being harassed by the old couple” and “stop my narcissist mother from coming to my door even when I tell her I’m going to call the cops” are definitely not normal experiences. I don’t think you will find general answers to your original question until you first address these more specific problems head on.

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