How to cope with existing right now?

It feels like no matter where I turn some septuagenarian, or older, is making life miserable for myself and others. Usually these are older white Christian conservatives, obsessed with a delusional sense of reality that no longer has a basis in fact, or perhaps never did.

There is a disproportionate amount of wealth concentrated in the older generation and those who will inherit it will probably be even worse with that money than the last generation. Certainly we see evidence of that already, anyone in their 30’s who has parents who help them out VS those who don’t have that have radically different outcomes. For some reason those lucky enough to come from good families ascribe laziness and bad attitude to those who don’t have the family support, as if they are somehow enjoying “self made success” while mummy does their laundry for them.

No generation previous needed this kind of assistance well into adulthood, but this infantilisation of working adults has happened because of the hoarding of wealth, refusing to pass on the torch in workplaces and just blocking change for the sake of stoking petty politics. Most of us will never own our own home but all the politicians want to talk about is whether it’s OK to dehumanise trans people or not.

I’m 36 this year. For most of my teens I thought there’d be some kind of tipping point where the conservative boomers would fuck off or at least let the next generation step in, but that hasn’t happened. Back in the 1990’s you could be a girl and wear jeans and be empowered, now this is considered some kind of woke statement. As if we recently invented this idea of women and men being equal.

The faces of my two dogs, my cat and my husband are all that keep me going. Knowing they need me gives me just enough to get out of bed in the morning and start moving… but I’m struggling to do even that without having a breakdown. My husband and I have medical expenses we can’t afford and are borrowing money to survive right now. I run my own business and just feel this immense pressure on my shoulders, that again is compounded by how unfair the world is right now.

Anyone got any advice for coping with this late stage capitalist hellscape?

doublejay1999,
@doublejay1999@lemmy.world avatar

I would see a doctor.

13esq,

Every journey of a hundred miles starts with one small step.

You might think doesn’t help you now, or that you don’t know in what direction your steps should be. But if you keep taking steps then one day you’ll be able to look back and see how far you’ve come.

Papanca,

Know that not everyone is like this, but it seems that the type of people you describe are the biggest shouters. There are people who have been fighting against climate change and ‘the establishment’ since the seventies or earlier, who do their best to always patiently continue to vote instead of giving up and not voting at all, who still join protests, discuss their views in the hopes of changing the perspectives of others. But they usually are just not the people who catch your eye. I’m a lot older than you, and i also still try to write to companies (sometimes even successfully change their product which is very encouraging), sign petitions, donate to certain causes, vote, answer questions when people ask for my opinion. I always was a bit of a rebel and i know of others who are too. I know that i am not alone in this. I was inspired by those lone rangers in the seventies who were already fighting against climate change, even though i don’t know their names. They were usually portrayed in the media as the exaggerating crazies or hippies. But i’m not ‘in your face’ about it and i will only discuss things when other people approach me and ask me something. This takes away some of the hostility of other people who tend to feel attacked when i do things differently than they do. I always knew that i was never alone in my views. I might not know most of them but i know they exist. They always have. It might feel like you are alone, but you never are. And i feel like i do have a certain influence on my own personal environment. It makes some people think about certain things. They might even change, if only a little. At the very least, they now know from personal experience a person like me and can use my existence in conversations about certain topics, just as i could use those anonymous strangers who were putting up a fight in the seventies.

solomon42069, (edited )

Thank you for the kind words of support! Some very helpful advice in most of these and actionable.

And to those questioning my lived experience, perhaps a bit of victim blaming too, while I open up and ask strangers for help… what the fuck is wrong with you lmao

dexa_scantron,
@dexa_scantron@lemmy.world avatar

People never want to confront how close they are to hardship, so if they hear about someone struggling they want it to be the result of that person’s actions, not just that the world is unfair. Just ignore them; they aren’t dealing with their own shit as healthily as you are.

1984, (edited )
@1984@lemmy.today avatar

One of the reasons that older people have money is because society was sane when they were young. It was even possible for only one parent to work and the other to stay at home and take care of kids and the house.

Every decade since then, things get worse because capitalism wants everyone to work, everyone to buy things, and as few people as possible having enough money to not work. Because money is power and if you are living thanks to a monthly check, you have no power.

The main strategy from the top has always been to divide people as much as possible and distract them from the fact that they can’t get out of the hamster wheel. So there are public discussions about gender politics, environmental issues and other things that divide people into groups, so they argue with eachother and stay distracted from the big picture.

Big picture, we are kind of like slaves but much more comfortable. As long as we can’t stop working, we are slaves in a way, because we don’t have freedom to spend our lives doing what we want in most cases. So we waste our days trying to care about company problems that are all about increasing their profits while paying everyone as little as they can.

Yeah this is not a encouraging post, sorry. I just say what I think here.

AnUnusualRelic,
@AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world avatar

One of the reasons that older people have money is because society was sane when they were young.

Also because they’ve had more time to make money.

As for the original question, “How to cope with existing right now?”, I find that apathy helps.

ArumiOrnaught,

In the 1960's you could buy around 21 burgers with an hours worth of work for average salary.

I know people with 3 homes because they bought them for $5 and a stick of gum.

foggy,
  1. Take stock of what is and what is not in your control. There are a lot of things in life that are unfair that are outside of our control.
  2. If the thing is in your control, take stock of what actions you can take to change the thing to better suit your desired outcomes.

This advice may seem trite, but it’s been repeated for generations because it is always like this in some capacity. Life will throw shit at you. Your job as a person seeking a happy healthy life is to learn how to react and respond. If it’s out of your control, you have to make the best of it. Even if it sucks.

There are people happily fighting cancer. There are happy paraplegics. There are happy people in Gaza (not many, but I guarantee there is someone finding the silver lining in a real hell scape).

Learn to accept the things you cannot control. Learn to act in the things that are within your control.

It’s all you got.

TheInsane42,
@TheInsane42@lemmy.world avatar

Anyone got any advice for coping with this late stage capitalist hellscape?

Learn skills.

Money is worthless when you have to spend 4 hours to work to hire somebody to do in 1h what you yourself can do in 2. At this point the prizes of skilled labour rise as there is a huge shortage of skilled personel. Somehow society decided ther theoretical knowledge is more valuable then practical knowledge, but to me managers and the likes are overhead.

As example, in '10, when I was 38, my house needed painting for the 1st time. I got a quote of €4k (more then a month’s wage) and it would be done in 2-3 days. I decided to paint the house myself and it took me a week, cost me €400, gave me the chance to repair the windows and I learned some skills.

Same goes for car repairs, plumbing and I (male) even made our curtains with a sewing machine I bought. The only tasks I’m forced to hire people for now is medical, for me, my wife and our pets. When I hire somebody for other tasks, it’s because I don’t want to do the work. It’s a choice.

As it always has been, knowledge is power, which includes the knowledge/skills to be self supporting. Refuse to run the rat race, although in the US that’s a lot harder then over here in Europe.

ArumiOrnaught, (edited )

car repairs

At least change your own oil. If you don't have tools I know a few part stores will let you borrow them.

blazeknave,

Sorry that was 14 years ago. A penny saved isn’t earned, when it’s already owed elsewhere or you’re just not making enough pennies. If you don’t want to sound tone deaf, you’ll need to internalize that your 15 years on us, was enough to get ahead of this stage of collapse.

TheInsane42, (edited )
@TheInsane42@lemmy.world avatar

When I don’t have the cash for a paintjob, I shouldn’t have bought the house (Yep, home owner here). I make way enough cash to have somebody paint my house. However, when I hire somebody to paint the house, I can’t spend the cash on hobbies I like to do or improve the house the way I want to.

At the moment however, finding somebody that is willing to paint a house is a huge challenge. You just can’t find the personel anymore to paint. Everybody want to be overhead and manage, nobody want to work. There is a hude shortage of skilled labour at the moment, so I’m very glad I can do it myself, inclouing the needed wood repair. (buying new window sills will cost about 25% of the current value of the house and they are ugly as all you can get is plastic)

qyron,

€4k was really cheap, I’ll risk.

You just stated what we should internalize more than ever: we can do something, even if if takes longer.

I’m in Europe too and dealing with shady/unwilling professionals forced me to wake up and start learning.

And never forget the skills we acquire for ourselves may one day prove of value to others. But just the sense of personal worth from getting something done or fixed is precious.

CliveRosfield,

Find a hobby besides reading bad news on the internet, it’s not that hard

stembolts, (edited )

| Find a hobby besides reading bad news on the internet, it’s not that hard

Actually it can be, when the same world that generates that news has commoditified every aspect of your existence to a transaction. Transactions you can’t afford.

You’re conflating debbie-downers with a generation of humans living a worse life than their parents. When a damn is cracked, overflowing with water, drowning people, the solution is not, “Hey just like, don’t pay attention, man! Life is good!”

That type of advice doesn’t go very far with starving, unhealthy (unable to afford health) people.

Some of us in the United States (me for example) can give you a list of people we know who have died because they were unable to afford insulin (first died in high school twenty years ago, most recent died last year), we know what our country has become because we cannot escape the damage it is inflicting on a generation, a generation poorer than the ones before.

CliveRosfield, (edited )

You’re overcomplicating it and making this far more harder than it needs to be. You hobby can be going out on walks, drawing, playing very cheap sports, etc. No more no less. There is barely an economical factor for finding a cheap enjoyable hobby.

And I’m not advocating toxic positivity or being blissfully ignorant. All I’m saying is finding something enjoyable to do in the fleeting life you have is better than being miserable all day by going out of your way to read bad news on the internet.

tory,

Sounds to me like all your problems would go away with money. I wish I had a solution for you, sorry OP.

solomon42069, (edited )

Pretty much! I’ve been sales prospecting since November but it’s just a baad time to be doing that in terms of time of year and the pinch on a lot of company budgets out there. Uncertainty everywhere makes people nervous and not want to spend money on new contractors offering advanced 3D visuals etc.

blazeknave,

This was the worst Q4 I’ve had in 18 years of b2b sales. It’s not you. I think when people get back in the saddle, they’ll start buying late this month. Hang tight. We’re all struggling to survive. You’re so not alone. 2/3 of the US are a couple paychecks and an emergency away from a collapse from middle class to homelessness. It’s fucked up.

selokichtli, (edited )

I like to be informed, so, that “cut the news” thing, while it works for some people, it’s not for everyone.

Mindfulness was the thing that helped me to cope with current times. I believe our brains aren’t ready for this stream of information about the world, because our world used to be way smaller when it evolved, and its plasticity can only get so far. Be aware of your present, that’s your life, thinking about the past and the future only brings pain and anxiety. Learn to detach your self from your mind, or the part of your brain that lives thinking about the future. Know how to let go from the illusion that you have control of your life.

FollyDolly,
@FollyDolly@lemmy.world avatar

I feel you. We have had the rug pulled out from under us so often we might as well lay on the floor. I wish I had some advice to give you, but I don’t. All I can say is I truly sympathize becuase I am going through the same thing. We are just going to have to hang in there, for better or worse.

RealFknNito,
@RealFknNito@lemmy.world avatar

Temporary media blackout.

gzrrt, (edited )
@gzrrt@kbin.social avatar

I'm almost exactly the same age as you. If I've learned anything up to this point, it's that people would start to have better and richer lives as soon as they cancel their cable TV subscriptions, delete all social media accounts*, and delete all news apps from their mobile devices. I really believe smartphones are a huge culprit in making people miserable, and it's because we've let these things get totally out of hand instead of consciously making them as boring and utilitarian as possible.

The issue of being 'informed' or not can be covered by reading Wikipedia's current events page for a few minutes each week. That should also free up plenty of time for people to focus more on what really matters day-to-day, which is their local community, friends, family and neighbors. Useful information is actionable, and actionable information can be found when you're laser-focused on your local area and the ways you can help improve it.

  • Lemmy / kbin isn't social media, IMO. ; )
callyral,
@callyral@pawb.social avatar

lemmy and kbin are social media

Daxtron2,

Lemmy is objectively social media

TheGalacticVoid,

I think they mean social media with algorithmicly generated content feeds.

JackGreenEarth, (edited )

All the feeds are algorithms in leemmy - hot, top, new, etc. They’re just simpler algorithms and they’re open source.

Silentiea,

Technically any feed at all is an algorithm, even one as simple as just “show whatever’s newest in your subs”

Daxtron2,

It’s still an algorithm that determines what content you see

gzrrt, (edited )
@gzrrt@kbin.social avatar

IMO Lemmy's a new version of old-school web forums and link aggregators (which have been around since the beginning- kind of like Fark, Slashdot, etc). Using this site feels the same as using those sites.

Think social media's a very specific thing that started off in the early-to-mid 00s- i.e., a site / app where you keep a profile that's tied to your real-life identity and real-life social circles (myspace, friendster, linkedin, facebook). And that's where the harm kicks in, since suddenly you have to worry about having some kind of curated digital persona, which has some kind of real-life impact. So if we can't talk about the harms of social media in a specific way (i.e., the harm of constantly comparing your life to these idealized representations of other people's lives), then 'social media' isn't a meaningful term anymore.

ScreaminOctopus,

Is there an rss feed for the current events page?

phileashog,

But I want to carry the full weight of the world on my shoulders and get upset about things I can’t change…

/s

morphballganon,

Focus on today. Focus on what choices you can make.

cashews_best_nut,

deleted_by_moderator

    •
    Silentiea,

    I hope not, but know either way that there ARE people who care about you.

    wagesj45,
    @wagesj45@kbin.social avatar

    There is a disproportionate amount of wealth concentrated in the older generation and those who will inherit it will probably be even worse with that money than the last generation.

    Don't worry, this isn't going to happen. Inheritance, I mean. Almost all of that generations wealth is going to be eaten by elder care. At $10k per month, and zero of that being covered by Medicare until you're basically destitute, nursing homes are going to demolish that store of wealth and their descendants will be left with nothing.

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