How to cope with existing right now?

It feels like no matter where I turn some septuagenarian, or older, is making life miserable for myself and others. Usually these are older white Christian conservatives, obsessed with a delusional sense of reality that no longer has a basis in fact, or perhaps never did.

There is a disproportionate amount of wealth concentrated in the older generation and those who will inherit it will probably be even worse with that money than the last generation. Certainly we see evidence of that already, anyone in their 30’s who has parents who help them out VS those who don’t have that have radically different outcomes. For some reason those lucky enough to come from good families ascribe laziness and bad attitude to those who don’t have the family support, as if they are somehow enjoying “self made success” while mummy does their laundry for them.

No generation previous needed this kind of assistance well into adulthood, but this infantilisation of working adults has happened because of the hoarding of wealth, refusing to pass on the torch in workplaces and just blocking change for the sake of stoking petty politics. Most of us will never own our own home but all the politicians want to talk about is whether it’s OK to dehumanise trans people or not.

I’m 36 this year. For most of my teens I thought there’d be some kind of tipping point where the conservative boomers would fuck off or at least let the next generation step in, but that hasn’t happened. Back in the 1990’s you could be a girl and wear jeans and be empowered, now this is considered some kind of woke statement. As if we recently invented this idea of women and men being equal.

The faces of my two dogs, my cat and my husband are all that keep me going. Knowing they need me gives me just enough to get out of bed in the morning and start moving… but I’m struggling to do even that without having a breakdown. My husband and I have medical expenses we can’t afford and are borrowing money to survive right now. I run my own business and just feel this immense pressure on my shoulders, that again is compounded by how unfair the world is right now.

Anyone got any advice for coping with this late stage capitalist hellscape?

solomon42069, (edited )

Thank you for the kind words of support! Some very helpful advice in most of these and actionable.

And to those questioning my lived experience, perhaps a bit of victim blaming too, while I open up and ask strangers for help… what the fuck is wrong with you lmao

dexa_scantron,
@dexa_scantron@lemmy.world avatar

People never want to confront how close they are to hardship, so if they hear about someone struggling they want it to be the result of that person’s actions, not just that the world is unfair. Just ignore them; they aren’t dealing with their own shit as healthily as you are.

Papanca,

Know that not everyone is like this, but it seems that the type of people you describe are the biggest shouters. There are people who have been fighting against climate change and ‘the establishment’ since the seventies or earlier, who do their best to always patiently continue to vote instead of giving up and not voting at all, who still join protests, discuss their views in the hopes of changing the perspectives of others. But they usually are just not the people who catch your eye. I’m a lot older than you, and i also still try to write to companies (sometimes even successfully change their product which is very encouraging), sign petitions, donate to certain causes, vote, answer questions when people ask for my opinion. I always was a bit of a rebel and i know of others who are too. I know that i am not alone in this. I was inspired by those lone rangers in the seventies who were already fighting against climate change, even though i don’t know their names. They were usually portrayed in the media as the exaggerating crazies or hippies. But i’m not ‘in your face’ about it and i will only discuss things when other people approach me and ask me something. This takes away some of the hostility of other people who tend to feel attacked when i do things differently than they do. I always knew that i was never alone in my views. I might not know most of them but i know they exist. They always have. It might feel like you are alone, but you never are. And i feel like i do have a certain influence on my own personal environment. It makes some people think about certain things. They might even change, if only a little. At the very least, they now know from personal experience a person like me and can use my existence in conversations about certain topics, just as i could use those anonymous strangers who were putting up a fight in the seventies.

13esq,

Every journey of a hundred miles starts with one small step.

You might think doesn’t help you now, or that you don’t know in what direction your steps should be. But if you keep taking steps then one day you’ll be able to look back and see how far you’ve come.

doublejay1999,
@doublejay1999@lemmy.world avatar

I would see a doctor.

themurphy,

Like many else suggests: Cut the media. The world doesn’t care if you follow it or not, and you’ll be much happier all the time.

Alternative, try to follow positive media. I created my own community for this purpose only, called /c/worldinprogress

SorteKanin, (edited )
@SorteKanin@feddit.dk avatar

/c/worldinprogress

For the lazy: !worldinprogress

Great idea btw.

VikingHippie,

taps link to what is supposed to be a community about all the good stuff happening in the world

“Error: no posts”

Well, fuck.

Kidding aside, !upliftingnews probably has what you’re looking for

themurphy,

There’s 8 posts or something, because I just started the community.

And it’s not like UpliftingNews, because they focus more on individuals, as this is for general progress in the world.

Hope you’d like it!

VikingHippie,

There’s 8 posts or something

Weird. I set it to top all and Connect still gives me the no posts error 😔

subignition, (edited )
@subignition@kbin.social avatar

You are on a different instance than the community. Because it's a new community it probably just hasn't federated to your instance yet.

Edit: also if you're the FIRST person to access the community on your instance, that should be establishing federation in the first place

VikingHippie,

Ah ok, fair enough 🙂

solomon42069,

Already doing this, that doesn’t stop my next door neighbour from being harassed by the old couple on the corner. It doesn’t stop my narcissist mother from coming to my door even when I tell her I’m going to call the cops. There are real problems beyond people’s perceptions and feelings from the news.

SkyNTP, (edited )

I feel like you’ve got some other issues going on that you aren’t letting any one in on. Statements like “neighbour from being harassed by the old couple” and “stop my narcissist mother from coming to my door even when I tell her I’m going to call the cops” are definitely not normal experiences. I don’t think you will find general answers to your original question until you first address these more specific problems head on.

finnolin, (edited )

i recommend to read “Hope in the Dark” by Rebecca Solnit

Th4tGuyII,
@Th4tGuyII@kbin.social avatar

Sucks doesn't it -- I too used to think that the Boomers would at some point exit stage left and let newer generations take over, but not only have they continued to hold onto power well into their 60s/70s, they've also done everything they can to consolidate their own power and riches, while knocking the ladder out from under the later generations.

My only advice is to take a break for the news and focus on yourself, maybe find a de-stressing hobby like drawing or sewing. Aside from that, I just wish you best of luck.

dexa_scantron,
@dexa_scantron@lemmy.world avatar

I’ve been struggling with this too, but doing ok mostly. Here’s what works for me:

  1. Spend time with people who make me feel hope instead of despair. It sounds like you know some entitled assholes; don’t spend time with them if they don’t improve you.
  2. Focus on local. What is happening right around me? What can I do to make it better? How am I interacting with my immediate environment?
  3. Focus on what is improving. In many, many ways it’s better now that it has been at any time in human history. Women have more freedom and power now than they ever have. I can learn anything I want to, find out anything I want to, almost instantly. More people are aware of systemic oppression now than ever before, and more people are willing to resist it than ever before.
  4. Pick what to be mad about. There are too many things to be angry about, so I try to pick the ones that I think are the most worth it. For me, they are: wealth accumulation (we’ve come so far, and built such a great civilization, and we let a few rich fuckers loot it. It was a mistake! We tricked ourselves into thinking it was a good idea! But we’re realizing it’s not, and it’s fixable) and systemic racism in the US (Black infants in America being twice as likely to die before they reach a year old than white infants is UNACCEPTABLE). Yeah, there’s an infinite amount of other shitty stuff, but I’m only one person.
  5. Picking and choosing social media/other news sources that don’t send me into a doom spiral. I don’t go on Twitter. I don’t go on Reddit any more. I don’t have Lemmy on my phone (sorry Lemmy, nothing personal, but it’s a bad doomscrolling hole for me). I go on Discord and I read blogs I subscribe to.

I believe that a person can only handle three big things at a time, and everything else needs to take a back seat to those three. You have your business, your family, and your medical debt. Those are your three burdens. When one of them gets light enough, you can take on something else. Gender equality and entitled rich people and identity politics are not your burdens right now. They can take a back burner until other stuff gets better for you.

Good luck, it’s hard.

solomon42069, (edited )

Thank you, some great advice and feels like affirmation I’ve taken the right first steps on my own, just need to keep at it!

KpntAutismus,

distract yourself, ignorance truly is bliss.

i have multiple hobbies currently. i collect HotWheels, Nerf guns and the occasional LEGO Technic set.

3D Printing has been very fun, most entry level machines are 200€ and you can use fusion360 for free. the gridfinity system will restore order to any cluttered room.

also comitting to watching shows, reading books gives me a great sense of accomplishment.

to add to that, i set up an old PC as a NAS running truenas and jellyfin as a docker app. i’m also planning to add nextcloud to it.

i’m still very depressed, but without my hobbies i wouldn’t be here right now.

crazyminner, (edited )

You’re awesome, and hobbies are awesome.

Thank you for sharing.

I have a lot of similar hobbies, although I’ve been working so much lately I haven’t had much time to work on them. Can’t wait for the summer then I’ll have more time!

I highly recommend looking into Audiobook shelf if you listen to audio books.

KpntAutismus,

having to go to work is definetely one of the sources for my depression. and without giving too much personal info, i look forward to not having to do it in the future.

i do sometimes listen to podcasts, but haven’t tried audiobooks. i think my ebook reader can do them, i might try that sometime.

solomon42069, (edited )

I have a veggie garden, three pets, two businesses, multiple digital and physical projects…

All the distractions in the world don’t help much when my husband is writhing in pain and we can’t even see a surgeon. The Australian health system thinks walking, being able to work and living without pain isn’t a priority, in the next week we’ll have been on the waiting list for a year.

It gets my goat when we can’t even get into the public hospital without having to walk 500m through the car park because the private facilities have taken over the entire complex.

bandario,
@bandario@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

The Australian health system thinks walking, being able to work and living without pain isn’t a priority, in the next week we’ll have been on the waiting list for a year.

The global opiate crisis has created a situation where normal Australians in acute or chronic pain can no longer access pain management. The crazy thing is, due to strict prescribing guidelines we never really had the kind of problems that were seen in the USA, yet we have made doctor petrified to prescribe where there is genuine pain.

2 years on a waiting list is a very long time to try and get on with life in serious pain, and I’m very sorry that you are dealing with this. I know it can be difficult to carve out the time and money, but if you can push hard to see a pain management specialist you might have more luck. There are synthetic options that can be taken long term whilst you await your specialist appointment/ surgery but you have to PUSH. Visit the ER daily until you get an outcome if you can’t afford to buy your way in.

This country is under attack and every single person that buys into the lie of private healthcare drives another nail into our coffin.

KpntAutismus,

that fucking sucks.

my dad told me of a friend who broke his neck and was paralyzed from the neck down once. he was able to recover almost fully, but only because he was a football player and had a lot of sponsors paying for his therapy. otherwise he would’ve remained paralyzed probably.

not even tax euro funded hospitals help often times.

we are all royally fucked at the moment and we can’t really do anything about it except electing the least corrupt and most empathetic people as possible.

but whatever you do, your husband needs you. even if you can’t cure whatever problem there is, i’m sure being there for him and caring as much as possible, even if it’s very exhausting, means a lot to him.

that’s an easy thing to just type out, and i have no idea how hard it actually is. but keep going. this is what we do, this is what we have always done. that’s how we survive.

don’t become a statistic, become the change you want to see.

drmoose,

Have you considered moving? The capitalist hellscape is mostly an internet meme real in few places. Most places around the world are growing.

metaStatic,

Reclaim your labor. learn a skill that saves you money. use that to barter outside the system. remove yourself from the system as much as is practical. learn how to make a molotov. Just enjoy the simple things and don't get too caught up in who threw what at whom.

Presi300, (edited )
@Presi300@lemmy.world avatar

Just don’t worry about it… It’s there, it’s happening, but it’s not like you can do anything about it, just sit back and enjoy the things you enjoy. Worrying about bullshit isn’t gonna fix it.

SadSadSatellite,

Stop paying attention to the media and do something rewarding. Build stuff, draw, read books, learn to cook, play an instrument, raise chickens, start camping. Do anything other than dwell in your misery. The world will continue regardless of you watching it. If you think everything is terrible, you already know which side of politics is evil, so just vote against them when the the me comes and don’t bother following what’s happening. You can’t effect it and it will only drive you crazy. It’s all just a distraction feeding a dopamine addiction you’ll never be ready to let go of. Social media especially. Play some slick jams and do the dishes, it’s very therapeutic.

wellee,

Well thats not true. You can volunteer, get involved in rallies and local elections, petition, protest. Those are great hobbies too ;)

solomon42069,

Yeah I think I need to get more involved in my local progressive political groups… I can’t complain about the world sucking if I’m not committing to being part of the better change myself.

KpntAutismus,

i have actually started reading books, watching actual shows/movies and playing more video games, instead of arguing with tankies online and watching shitty youtube videos.

SadSadSatellite,

While those are better than your alternative, they’re still sedentary activities that feed your dopamine addiction. Try doing things outside of screens and media. It will help.

user_1234,

Stop dwelling.

criitz,

Just pay attention to what makes you happy in life and don’t sweat the rest so much

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