Having kind of a rough week with wrestling with identity stuff. Things are generally good for me, but I just keep having these questions about myself coming up and I can’t seem to just drop it. Not sure where any of it is going, or if it’s going anywhere, but I’m getting kind of tired of it tbh…
Certainly. There’s a big difference between me giving cash and uplifting someone who is actively harming people today, and supporting a dead man’s art.
Of course remember there’s nuance as well. It doesn’t cost me much to stop interacting with JKR’s output, but buying quality shoes that don’t in some way support sweatshop owners or fast fashion represents a significant time/money investment on my part.
And if there’s something important for my health than it goes right out. idk, maybe Dr. Scholl was there on Jan 6 and I was prescribed those Dr. Scholl’s foot goobers by a podiatrist, I’m not going to quibble too much.
Which ties in to the privilege of being socially conscious. It costs me nonzero money and energy that some might not have to do all of these things. I cannot blame or fault the person who works at Chick-fil-A paying rent, even if their work supports CFA.
I definitely think people like Roman Polanski need their work to be eclipsed by their crimes. I won’t watch anything by Polanski, he deserves to be remembered primarily as a brutal rapist, his work should not be celebrated.
But Polanski is an extreme example. I’ll still watch and enjoy something like Firefly, for example. Although, learning that Whedon had been kind of a verbally abusive creep, and that Baldwin is kind of a right-wing shithead does kind dampen my enthusiasm for the show in a way I can’t help.
When I watch it I tend to get distracted sometimes by some of the elements that now come off as more obviously sexist than when I first watched it.
I’m a member of Amnesty International, and I’ve sponsored kids through Plan Canada for about 10 years. I used to be a professional fundraiser, and those two really struck a chord with me.
UNHCR (United Nations High Commission for Refugees) and MSF (Medicines Sans Frontieres) are ones I used to work with, and they both do great work too.
In Canada all registered charities are audited annually. Their financials are available online for you to review.
And a new team project begins. Team leaders from the last term’s projects were exempt from being in charge again this time, which was something of a relief for a couple of hours. The new team leader is a lovely guy, but very shy and socially awkward, and so far his success rate for deciding what to do and delegating it to someone is… uh… one time. A couple more times if you include me making a suggestion and him going “yeah, what Frog said.” I have to give the dude credit for volunteering for team leader - given his personality, it was a seriously brave thing to do and I genuinely admire that. But I understand there are some bets amongst the class for £5-£10 over how many weeks it will be before I’m in charge. And I’m just like… nope, I am not taking over. I’m just not doing it.
I’m revisiting old favourites of mine - the first two books of the “achtsam morden” (mindful murder) series by Karsten Dusse. Unfortunately they’re German so probably not of much interest to you, but if you happen to speak it or come across a translation that I’m not aware of, do give the first book a try.
The protagonist is a lawyer mainly working for a mobster he doesn’t like. He’s increasingly unhappy with his work and life, and his marriage and the relationship with his little daughter are falling apart… until his wife forces him to go to a mindfulness seminar. When he starts applying the things he learns there, his life takes a dramatic turn as the results of his mindfulness are the death of his boss, him taking his place as the leader of a criminal enterprise and eventually using the enterprise’s resources to kill his opponents one by one and secure his daughter a place in kindergarten.
Especially the first book is a pleasant read both for the protagonist’s stoically mindful handling of increasingly violent and unlikely situations and for the actual exercises in mindfulness explained and demonstrated to the reader. You learn both why you should still love your parents-in-law even if you hate their guts (and how to do that) as well as how to correctly detonate a couple of hand grenades taped to a mobster’s nuts, all from the point of view of a very smart lawyer (which the author actually is in real life). In that the book is both educational and entertaining at the same time.
i wanted something light and short, so i listened to mindy kaling’s second book, “why not me?” plenty of laughs, and it made my five hour car trip feel a lot less awful.
Alyaza what have been your favorite/most interesting book among the four?
the majority of my reading list would not make for particularly comfortable reading so i’ll just point you to the fairly normal pick from last year, which is I’m Glad My Mom Died
now that i’ve read a bit more this week: The Great Transition by Nick Fuller Googins is an early contender for my book of the year and the first to get 5 stars this year from me (although i’m a generous reviewer)
Getting ready for more snow after spending a few days bucking and splitting some of next year’s wood from a tree that fell in the yard. Kinda hoping we get some decent coverage and that it sticks around for longer than a day, but that it doesn’t cause too much disruption for @Chris Remington and other folks in New England. My father found some back country skis as a christmas gift that should be better for getting around some of the hill on our property and I’m dying to try them.
There’s a 50/50 chance I just got myself fired for standing up for myself at work, I’ll find out on Tuesday when I go back in, I guess; it really doesn’t matter to me anymore, I wasn’t happy there, just stressed. If I’m not, then that’s cool.
This is definitely the most euphoric I’ve felt in years, I think I’m going to celebrate with a trip to the beach and maybe look for some spots to skate. I think I’ll start self advocating for myself more, too. I like this feeling.
Admittedly, it used to like me a lot less, but for some reason I’m feeling a lot of shit that I haven’t felt in a very long time.
It doesn’t help that I have less physical and mental energy to deal with it than I used to, but I suppose the benefit of that is that I can’t really muster up much of a reaction beyond “just… go fuck yourself” (to my negative emotions, not to any actual people).
Also, lol. Found out about a month ago that my psychiatrist just kind of fucked off, got married, left the country, sold her practice, and decided to tell literally none of her patients. Not even a simple email. “Irresponsible and dangerous” is an absolute understatement. I’m just lucky I had no particular attachment to her.
Although, apparently she told some colleagues like the day or week before, which is… something?
I didn’t like her much, but she gave me my candy and now I have to find a new Willy Wonka.
Not many super choices, but maybe I’ll find a decent confectioner. Have recs from my therapist (who’s probably the most understanding person I’ve ever met and fucking fantastic at her job because of it), but might just take a look at this psych who took over the practice out of curiosity and just for funsies.
So, earlier than expected appointments I’m guessing it’ll be for me. Yay. (Actually, I don’t mind the earlier appointment with therapist, but psychiatrists are a different beast for me.)
This is week 2 of being back at work and it’s nice to have some things I’m working on but also nice to not really have a lot on my plate and not expect a lot to be dropped on my plate anytime soon as everyone’s just starting to emerge from their winter vacations.
I had a nice date the other night with another very non-binary person and there’s something really special and nice about dating people who have so thoroughly rejected the gender binary. It’s a special kind of trans in my heart, and I always find people like this so darn fascinating in terms of how they want the world to perceive them. Seems to have gone well, but they also seem to be very anti dating?? so I guess I’m lucky I made the cut? I have no idea where this is going, but they live nearby which is a plus
As an aside I’m so tired of dating apps and dating in general. People either have impossibly high standards or something about me just doesn’t vibe with most people and like, I get it, but why does it have to be so exhausting? I just want to curl up in someone’s lap and have them run their fingers thru my hair 😩
Ugh. One of our ‘kids’ has been using various dating apps for a couple years, and all they did was make her depressed and me immensely grateful that I’ve never had to resort to any of them. They’re such a carnival of vanities, people killing themselves to outbid each other with unnatural selfies photoshopped to faux perfection (while simultaneously assuming that every other person is naturally beautiful without filters).
There should be a dating app or website with a strict ban on images that have been altered in any way.
Good for you to have scored a date though! Fingers crossed that there will be a second one.
I’ve been using a bunch for years. Honestly the vanities don’t bother me the slightest. What bothers me is the way people treat them. First and foremost, the majority of people on these apps aren’t even looking to date! They’re looking to quell their anxiety about whether they are date-able, whether they can find a match in case their current partner dumps them, are curious and want a way to people watch, or just interested in the dopamine they get from swiping profiles. They can’t find a healthy way to use them, so they use it for a little then delete the app because they find themselves addicted then reinstall months later when they find the urge. Or they mute all notifications and rarely open it, then feel bad when someone messaged them a week or two ago and decide it’s better to just not respond. Or they just make a snap judgement over just a few words and refuse to give the other person any time of their day to respond and just ghost. Or they chat for awhile then forget they were chatting because they have no notifications, disappear for a month, then feel anxious about that and rather than apologize just pretend it didn’t happen and delete the chat or match.
It’s just exhausting. I just want to meet people and see who I vibe with and I don’t understand why so many people don’t treat dating apps the same way.
I’ve been debating picking up Tinder or something because I’m having a lot of trouble meeting people in the town I just moved to, but all the horror stories have me conflicted on whether I should even bother. 🙃
Has anybody had a conversation about implementing non-federated communities or is that even a possibility with activitypub? I would love to have native beehaw communities that are only accessible by logged-in beehaw users, but still retain federation for some of my more niche communities that may not have a large enough audience here.
Although I could very easily just maintain my old account on a fediverse server alongside my beehaw account if beehaw ventures off into an entirely new direction.
When I read about the beehaw vision a few days ago, I fell in love, so I’m here for whatever y’all decide.
there are and have been conversations around the fediverse about this very same concept or need. See, eg, a cousin comment in this thread on the same idea: lemmy.ml/comment/7026804
And the short answer is no … the fediverse basically sucks at providing such a thing … so enamoured is it with federation that localised communities are obviously a bit of an afterthought. Thing is people actually want and need more private or local spaces as well as the big public spaces. Its why all the old school forums are still kicking.
And the worst part is that federation offers a great opportunity to provide both in a really useful and seamless manner on a single platform. But neither lemmy nor mastodon have a feature for it (with mastodon lead dev actively opposing the idea it seems).
I have to believe it would be easy for lemmy to implement.
As a contrast, misskey and its forks such as firefish, catodon, iceshrimp etc (and yea, these names are a choice, in a good way I think), actually provide local only groups and people like them.
New Year’s Eve was typical for me. I fall asleep way too early. We watched the fireworks from Sydney streaming live. Wow what a show! My goal is to get everything in order to retire this year. There’s so much to do, wading through all the healthcare options is probably the biggest.
chat
Top
This magazine is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.