Harry Chapin My child arrived just the other day He came to the world in the usual way But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay He learned to walk while I was away And he was talkin’ ‘fore I knew it And as he grew, he’d say “I’m gonna be like you, Dad You know I’m gonna be like you”
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon Little boy blue and the man in the moon "When you comin’ home, Dad?" “I don’t know when But we’ll get together then You know we’ll have a good time then”
My son turned ten just the other day He said, “Thanks for the ball, Dad, c’mon let’s play Can you teach me to throw?” I said, “Not today I got a lot to do”, he said, “That’s okay” And he, he walked away but his smile Never dimmed and said “I’m gonna be like him, yeah You know I’m gonna be like him”
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon Little boy blue and the man in the moon "When you comin’ home, Dad? “I don’t know when But we’ll get together then You know we’ll have a good time then”
Well, he came from college just the other day So much like a man, I just had to say “Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while?” He shook his head, and he said with a smile “What I’d really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys” “See you later, can I have them please?”
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon Little boy blue and the man in the moon “When you comin’ home, son?” “I don’t know when But we’ll get together then, Dad You know we’ll have a good time then”
I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away I called him up just the other day I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind” He said, “I’d love to, Dad, if I could find the time” “You see, my new job’s a hassle and the kid’s got the flu” “But it’s sure nice talkin’ to you, Dad It’s been sure nice talkin’ to you”
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me He’d grown up just like me My boy was just like me
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon Little boy blue and the man in the moon "When you comin’ home, son? “I don’t know when But we’ll get together then, Dad We’re gonna have a good time then”
Written by: Harry F. Chapin, Marc Christian Gernert, Sandy Chapin, Andy Love
Cute but I can’t say I’d make that same move tbh. Kids are smart and can tell you’re upset just as much as you can tell they are. Granted I’m not a parent but I think I would have asked for 5-10 minutes so I could calm down and then make solid plans to play Lego as soon as I was done instead of forcing myself to play and then possibly getting frustrated at the kid just being a kid
Your kid doesn’t hear “I need a few minutes to deal with my human feelings,” they hear “daddy is mad and doesn’t want to play with me.” They don’t have the emotional intelligence yet to understand that you’re a person, not just the mythic figure of parent that they see.
This is why the trope of daddy taking a minute alone on the toilet is A Thing.
On the upside, you’d be surprised how often you can destress precisely by being a kid with your kid, playing Legos and cuddling. Being a dad is hard, but it’s awesome.
Just this morning my oldest daughter who is almost 4 asked me to go to the basement before school and I said I would turn on the light and get it ready for her, but Daddy wanted to say for a few minutes on the couch.
She said “Ok dad, here’s bun bun (her comfort animal) so you can snuggle and feel better”. It was so selfless I went with her anyway and she said “Did you know I love you, dad?” On the way down the stairs and it was great.
But she was totally emotionally intelligent enough to say “daddy isn’t feeling good, I’d like to help him” and I think that starts MUCH earlier than people think.
Every situation is different with these kids, for sure. I think the OP is a good one, because sometimes stewing in your own juices isn’t what you need, and all you need is a kid to say hey let’s build Legos. I’m tired all the time these days, we are worked to death, our kids demand constant attention, and while we absolutely all need time to ourselves, it’s also good to just buck up sometimes and build some Lego, at least for me it is, it brings me out of the funk. Sometimes I end up sitting there building nonsense after my kids have gotten bored.
I’m all about mental health and needing to figure your shit out yourself sometimes, but I also think sometimes you need a push to get the gears moving.
But yeah, if they come and say I’m bored, and I need a minute, you’re gonna have to figure your shit out. But if you have a project and some focus, maybe I need a little focus as well, just a distraction with purpose.
Emotional intelligence varies, though. My two-year-old is remarkably observant and has stopped to ask Mommy or Daddy “You okay?” more than once when one of us was letting our distress show through.
Me, as an autistic pre-schooler? Fuck no, in retrospective I was my parents’ worst nightmare until I started being able to piece together social cues and link them to cause and effect. I don’t think I started figuring that shit out well into elementary school.
You’re getting downvoted unfairly here. Yes, it’s the “right” choice to maximize the time with your kids when you can as those moments will go by faster than we think they will, but it’s also not the wrong choice to make sure you take care of yourself. Every parent is going to make their own decisions, and nobody’s “doing it wrong” as long as the child is reasonably happy and healthy (to the extent uncontrollable forces allow). We’re all just getting along here.
I hope you never plan on having kids. Kids come first, if you can’t put them before yourself and deal with your shit on your own time you’re only hurting them.
How would you feel if the person who’s watching them decided they couldn’t because they needed 10 minutes? It’s only acceptable for you since it’s your kid? Shit take.
There’s a wide distance between supervising a young child responsibly (which obviously must be done at all times) and engaging in play (which you should do when you can and you’ll be glad you did, but if you just don’t have it in you, it’s not a crime to sit quietly for a few minutes).
I don’t think that’s really comparable, a parent isn’t being paid, a babysitter can choose not to babysit. And besides, it really depends on what the kid’s asking to do. I’ve definitely been told I can’t do things when I was being babysat.
Parenting is a 24/7 job. You need to take your breaks while on the clock be everyone you’re never off the clock. Paying someone for childcare services is a job with a start and end time. You can take your breaks before or after. The expectations are different because the jobs are different.
Parenting isn’t a 24/7 job who’s told you that? Most people have partners and you get breaks when your kid is sleeping, at school, and being cared for by others. If you can’t do it, you should be paying someone so you can get your break. Not neglecting your kids.
It’s not different, people just use it as an excuse to be terrible to their kids.
I’m living through this right now. I don’t need anyone else to tell me anything. My partner and I alternate on childcare while the other person handles other household duties and day job duties. Our parents come by regularly to help out and we use that time to catch up on sleep as best as we can. Paying for childcare doesn’t make sense as it just negates most of one person’s income. If I’m going to be working anyway and not resting, I’d much rather put that energy towards my kid and have less money than be away but have sightly more money.
I can say that I have frequently gone through this very situation with my kids, where I’ve had to tell myself that I won’t be able to have this kind of time forever. And it’s not that I actually didn’t want to do it — I wanted to do be around my kid and see them be their wonderful self. I almost always would come away with something they did that brought me joy. It’s just that with young kids, there’s so much stuff to deal with all the time, you always wish you had a bit more time purely for yourself.
But it’s sort of like when you go on a big vacation, and you venture out and fill every day with activities and adventure. Maybe some mornings you feel like just watching TV at the hotel after so many days of activities, but you power through it because there are things you still want to do, and this vacation will be over before you know it.
Don’t listen to the haters. Children learn from their parents and appreciate the amount and QUALITY of the time spent with them. Five minutes to collect yourself and heal from whatever in hurting you is not only healthy for you, it’s a great example to your child. And then you get to give them 100% of your attention. Some groups don’t understand this and I think that’s where a lot of anxiety stems from. You don’t have to give all of yourself to someone to show you love them.
It’s probably the way I wrote it but yes this is exactly what I was getting after. My own personal experience would have benefitted from this kind of behavior from my parents
I envy that relationship. My dad doesn’t even know my religious or political beliefs, let alone sharing a hobby. It’s not like we don’t talk, he just hears what he wants to hear, and he doesn’t want to hear anything where I know more than him (including my hobbies and my field)
I lost my dad in my 30s and I still want to ask him to build stuff with me. My 6 year old would have loved to too, so I’m trying to take better care of myself than my dad did, so we have a lot longer together.
This is a phenomenon known as quantum locking. Since bald men don’t have hair to keep their heads warm, their heads can get really cold and act like a super conductor. The bottle cap can levitate and lock into position because any change in positioning would change the flux lines and disturb the state of superconductivity.
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