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DharmaCurious

@DharmaCurious@startrek.website

Same great Dharma, new Fediverse packaging!

Check out DharmaCurious.org for ramblings on philosophy and the occasional creative writing project!

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DharmaCurious,
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I’m generally very uncomfortable around bathroom humor/topics, but i gotta know. Are people really suffering down there from spicy foods? I love spicy food. Like, it took many, many visits before i convinced the indian restaurant near us to give me genuinely spicy food. Now they make it like they make it for themselves.

And don’t get me wrong, I’ve had the burning booty of death before, but the two things aren’t really linked. Like, spiciness has no impact on my bathrooming. I only ever get the burn down there if I’m sick. Is this seriously a problem people have when they so much as smell a bell pepper, as the internet has led me to believe?

DharmaCurious,
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Yes! Especially considering we were in a car! Like, for real, you didnt even have to carry it! Just throw it in the floorboard for all i care, but dont you dare throw it in a stream!

I really, really liked him, but after that, that’s all i could think about. Just instant turn off.

DharmaCurious,
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Luxury!

DharmaCurious,
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This is, I guess, the yank equivalent of the four Yorkshire men. Haha

DharmaCurious,
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Is there a double meaning here I’m not aware of? That does just straight up say anals, right?

DharmaCurious, (edited )
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That’s precisely why I’m not there. I’m too fat for the gym. There are women and Children present. I’d scar them for life.

ETA:

To clarify: This is not what happens, this is my own self conscious, self loathing behavior giving me excuses for not bettering myself. I am aware of my mental health problems, I’m just not dealing with them.

DharmaCurious,
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Extended family. I only ever associated with parents and my brother. The rest of them consider us to insane people because we didn’t vote for trump.

DharmaCurious,
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Between 50 and 63 I’m in heaven. Anything higher than that and all i want to do is go swimming, which as an adult with responsibilities, i never get to. Anything lower than that, and i have to wear more clothes and look fatter than i am.

DharmaCurious,
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Well, there’ll be a lot less billionaires pretty quickly, from there it’s gonna be a lot of references to star trek, doctor who, dead philosophers and general southernisms.

DharmaCurious,
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What about an Android alternative? I don’t use any, so can’t recommend, but I’m sure one of them will be a knockoff of a similar size.

DharmaCurious,
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Thanks, I hate it!

DharmaCurious,
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Teach me your ways

DharmaCurious,
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Can you ELI5 that last one?

DharmaCurious, (edited )
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Placeholder comment because I need to go back to sleep. Someone remind me and I’ll tell y’all about rescuing my brother from a maybe kidnapping in Mexico.

Okay, so, me and my brother visited Mexico. It was a fairly small town, not a major place like Cancun. Had an amazing time. Ended up meeting these two bartenders that we became friends with. Their boss, who legit made everyone he met call him El Jefe, would come by and steal their tips and get drunk. We were there for a week. On the last night, I’m on the other side of the town (10 minute walk away) trying to seal the deal with this dude I’d met, and my brother was at the little bar hanging with our bartender friends. I get a call from him, panicked, as he whisper yells that El Jefe asked him to come with him to another bar he owns. He’s in the car, El Jefe is flying down the street, he’s doing cocaine off the dash. Please come get him at this other bar. He sends me one of those location pins that update in real time.

I tell dude that I’ll help him finish later, and take off to rescue my brother. He’s only like 5 minutes away, and has stopped moving. I go into the club, and start looking for him, but he’s not there. I’m asking folks if they’ve seen him, and trying to get closer to his pin. Finally, I find his phone, there’s some random ass dude who has it, and when I tell him I’m gonna need that phone, he tries to act like it’s his. I explain to him it’s my brother’s. He acts like he’s gonna swing at me, so I drop El Jefe’s name. That, combined with the fact that he’s 5’nothing and I’m 6’3 and near 300 pounds convinced him of the error of his ways. He gave me the phone, and I moved on in my search. I talked to the bartender, who explained that El Jefe had been there a few minutes ago, and had left some coke for me because my brother told him I was meeting them there (neither I nor my brother do coke). I asked could he tell me where they were headed. He gave me an address about a mile away. I took off.

I arrive at the house, by this point it is nearly 2 in the morning. It looks like just a house, but the lights are on so I knock on the door. I am greeted by a woman with the largest breasts I have ever seen in real life. They’re enormous. And she’s topless. Now, I don’t speak Spanish. I know enough to ask where the bathrooms are, and (I smokes at the time) where I could smoke at. Other than that, it was Google translate and gesturing for me.

However, I did not need Spanish to understand that this woman was a prostitute, and was very keen on the young American in front of her (or, at least his wallet). I tried to explain I’m trying to find my brother, but she wasn’t having it. Grabbing at my crotch, trying to pull me into one of the bedrooms off the (very nicely decorated for a brothel) living room. As my actions at this moment were less Liam Neeson and more Jerry Stiller, I decided to just come clean with her with one of the only Spanish words I knew “yo soy Mariposa!”

Now, I know that’s a slur, and I’m sorry if it upsets anyone. But at the time, it was the only thing I could think of. An hour before hand, the phrase had been… Relevant.

It was like a magic spell. Her entire attitude changed, and she was finally able to listen to my words. Once we cobbled together enough Spanglish to understand each other, I gave her the coke from the club as a thanks, and headed off to find my brother where she told me El Jefe had taken him next.

I arrive back at the night club I’d gotten the coke from, and I see El Jefe’s car this time. It’s parked in an alley behind the club, against an outdoor stair case. I go up the stairs and open the door to a private little fucking rave on the top floor of the club. They’ve got their own bar up here, and if I remember correctly, you can’t get from one floor to the other from within the club.

I see them at last! My brother looks mortified, trying to get to the entrance, and keeps getting pulled back by El jefe, and El jefe dancing with fucking scar face levels of coke on his face. It’s insane. I go up to them, and El jefe is all excited to see me, asks if I want some more coke, do I wanna party, he has a pretty boy all picked out for me if I want.

I tell him no thanks, we’ve gotta go. He gets pissy and says I’m being rude, stay and party. I tell him we’re leaving, and before I can react, he swings at me in all hiscoke fueled glory, completely missing me by a country mile. I stand up and tower over this man and explain we have a plane to catch in the morning. He finally let us go, and we head out.

Our plane the next day was delayed, so we ended up spending two more days there. In that time, El Jefe apologized for swinging at me, and gave us a tour of some of the apartments he rents.

We still keep in touch on Whatsapp, and he invites us to his enormous birthday party every year. He also says he’ll rent me an apartment there if I want to do private security for him. He talks to my brother more than me, though. He really liked him, and he calls me El Gigante. He really, really wants us both to come work for him. From what I gather, he basically runs the entire town we were in.

DharmaCurious,
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I like this version of Gandalf. It makes me think he got Bilbo to leave his house by threatening to blow a brand new Hobbit Hole in him. Lmao

DharmaCurious,
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Compliment her on her luxurious and erotic moostash.

DharmaCurious,
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Grindr Fish.

DharmaCurious,
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Ngl, fully expected a clip from South Park.

DharmaCurious,
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Honestly, the solution to this, I think, is to start complimenting other men. Men don’t compliment each other because they’re afraid of being seen as gay (even if they’re not aware of it, it’s fully ingrained into us from the time we’re children). Breaking that barrier and complimenting other men, and not (openly) caring about that stigma will help other men do the same. Eventually, men will start complimenting each other.

Note, I say this as a gay man, so I’m sort of past the whole humiliation of people thinking I’m gay bit. I understand it would likely be more difficult for a straight guy, because you (they?) have to also worry about losing potential romantic partners if people think you’re queer.

DharmaCurious,
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I do appreciate my likeness being used for advertising.

DharmaCurious,
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This is the same reason I replaced my vinyl siding with the skin of my enemies. Properly conditioned, it is very insulating and protects my home from the rain.

DharmaCurious,
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That Photoshop job on the framed picture is freaking perfect.

DharmaCurious,
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All hail Stamets, Lord of the meme.

DharmaCurious,
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I tried plugging my phone into the elm tree out back. Turns out it doesn’t work, and also it wasn’t an elm tree, it was the neighbor, and he was pissed when he woke up.

DharmaCurious,
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Pumpkin Socialist Latte Party of Liberation

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