This is the exact opposite for me… i get depressed and ashamed about my decisions before bed, and often vow to do better in the morning. It’s in the morning I can’t be trusted, when I suddenly forget all those desires to do better because it’s too much work.
Tbh I’m not even sure what this is supposed to be saying. Do people often wake up completely calm and collected, only to become a mess by the end of the day, making life altering decisions at night?
This is the exact opposite for me… i get depressed and ashamed about my decisions before bed, and often vow to do better in the morning. It’s in the morning I can’t be trusted, when I suddenly forget all those desires to do better because it’s too much work.
I’m very much the same. There’s a song a like called difficulties of getting out of bed by Knapsack that I felt describes this feeling well:
And it’s difficult to get out of bed I can’t remember the Things I said, what I told myself last night I think I wasted my time again
Luckily I’m out of that place now. I hope you get there too, if you’re in it.
The song also starts with the line:
I really wish my cactus never died
Which I really like because cactuses are typically the easiest plant to keep alive. But the speaker is struggling so much that even though they really like their cactus, they still can’t take care of it. I think it’s quite poignant.
I’m sure it’s different for everyone, but I was in a bad relationship at the time that lead to me having an undiagnosed binge eating disorder. I would eat giant 1kg tubs of peanut butter and stash the empty ones in my closet because I was worried my flatmates would notice if I was washing large peanut butter jars all the time.
I probably should’ve gotten professional help for the eating disorder, but I was ashamed as I’m sure all people with eating disorders are. What helped me was visiting my family, who lived in a different part of the country, for a long time (over the summer). I couldn’t binge without it being obvious, I had distance from my partner in the relationship, and I was with loved ones. While I didn’t tell them I had this problem, being with them and just hanging out and doing things was a huge help.
My relationship ended soon after I got back, though it should have ended sooner. I tried to focus on myself to avoid relapsing into binge eating.
I went on a self-help phase, as I’m sure many people do at that stage of life (late teens, early twenties). I did a fuck-ton of walking while listening to podcasts, tried to spend in-person time with friends, and tried to do something that felt like it gave me purpose (volunteering at an old-folks home, teaching them how to use their technology). I always binged in my room, so I avoided being in my room as much as possible—often walking 1½ hours into town to do stuff, or going to my local library. I didn’t necessarily read, I’m not much of a reader, usually I was on my computer. But being in a different and more public and communal environment helped me avoid binging and helped me feel better.
Eventually, things gradually improved and I got a much better partner who doesn’t make me question whether they love me or find me attractive!
Everyone’s journey is different, which is the most frustrating thing because what I did might not help you, but I thought I’d tell my story anyway.
I hope you find this helpful, and if not, then just interesting to read :)
I wish you all the best. It won’t stay dark forever (though it can take a fucking while!)
Not at all! Many people feel depressed and overwhelmed late at night, when they’re most tired. It’s the reason my partner and I have a rule not to make plans or talk about finances before bed, because it all seems doom n gloom.
It was pretty cool to hear that late night psychosis was a real thing that everyone deals with. Stay up too late and you start becoming REALLY mentally unstable. I have that (and the three times I went absolutely shitfaced) to thank for all my life decisions up to this point, including this one.
I feel like it must vary. Because I’ve stayed up late and found myself quivering against a wall hearing things, and other times pulled all-nighters without issue. I guess for the latter I was busy doing things rather than just fretting.
That’s curious. I actually feel more and more lucid starting around noon or whenever the sun starts setting, and into the night. The person in the mirror starts to actually look decent, I feel more free and happy, etc.
Can’t go to sunrise if it can be helped. For some reason it’s just a punch in the face to me. I probably have issues with responsibilities or something.
We are all weird creatures for sure though even just based on the comments in this post.
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