About 18-20 years ago I had a dream that I will always remember.
I won’t go into details, I don’t remember much of the previous moments either but basically I was shot in the head and fell to the ground, I no longer felt any pain.
It was the day I died in a dream, I don’t know how “real” death will be obviously but the one in the dream transported me to a state of total calm, without any pain… I don’t know how to explain that feeling.
A month or so into the pandemic, I’ve had a string of at least eight or so dreams where I would die one way or another. One example would be me swimming in a pool with some friends until the sun sets, when suddenly a car smashes through the fence and hits me. Sometimes the deaths would come out of nowhere, sometimes it felt like it was meant to happen. However, I’ve never felt that calmness after dying. It just felt like bumping into a wall and thinking “meh” before continuing on with my day.
“The free exchange of communication and ideas, unrestricted by capitalist interference? Can’t have that kind of evil in the world. Surely it’s my duty to shut this down, so that others may come to know the flavor of corporate boot leather as well as I have.”
My pc is logged in with my reddit account. Few Google results take me to reddit, I use only that time. I don’t visit reddit to see what’s happening there.
If I do a Google search and a Reddit thread comes up with relevant info or discussion, I’ll check it out but I have completely stopped browsing and interacting with it.
The first one is the worst. My dad says this to me all the time, well, why is it that I have to do all the work, they never try to maintain a relationship with me. Also, fuck them, they are terrible people, maybe I don’t want to maintain a relationship with toxic shitty people even if they are family.
sequencing.com seems to say the right things about privacy. Including the possibility to delete your data (can’t be compelled to turn over data that doesn’t exist). And this post claims you can create an anonymous account.
It’s pretty nice as I do a lot of creative work so if I’m struggling for inspiration I’ll usually take a nap or just go to bed a little early with a notepad nearby.
The crazy part is since I started taking meds for my ADHD it’s basically every night.
Edit: Most of mine are surreal or hyperreal though if that makes sense. By hyperreal I mean that every detail, every sensation, everything is there. Every single tiny sensation, except they are all cranked up to like 11.
For example: There you are standing on the edge of a cliff looking to the vista below. The trees sway with wind and life, flowing like seaweed caught in the current. The winds reach your face as a soft caress, lightly brushing your cheeks and running it’s fingers through your hair. The smells of earth and water fill your lungs with each breath with a slight chill. The sounds of the trees jostling and the wind swishing consume all sound but your breath.
You close your eyes to take it all in.
Your breathing deepening with each breath.
You feel your self slipping backwards away from the cliff but you know the ground will welcome you.
You gently stop on the moss covered ground. It’s like velvet on your skin.
Running your fingers through it you feel every little branch.
You let yourself fall deeper in sleep as the darkness consumes you.
The smells leave your nose, the wind leaves your hair, the velvety moss loses its touch.
You wake in your bed, feeling more rejuvenated then you have in days.
My depression meds give me VIVID dreams, usually nightmares but they don’t scare me anymore? Like they’re clearly nightmares but I don’t wake up with a fast pulse or a sweat just oh hey that happened, anyway! And I definitely remember them much longer than I used to
I go there through Tedit sometimes when info I need comes up in a search, but I haven’t logged in or browsed the site directly since the API protest blackout.
Weird how I seem to have more free time now. Must be a coincidence.
asklemmy
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