Sorry to hear you missed your flight. It sucks but hopefully it won’t ruin your plans.
As for the story:
It was 15 years ago, my parents, my two siblings, and me were about to travel to Canada to visit our aunt. For all of us, it was our first ever transatlantic flight. We were all so excited about it, that none of us could catch a bit of sleep the day before leaving.
It required 5h of travel to catch the plane in the capital, so we had to leave at like 4 am to be on time for it. But somehow we manage to do it and arrive on time at the airport.
Excitation is at its maximum, finally our big trip is around the corner. We go to the check in desk, cue for a good a hour, and once our turn come, get asked for our passport. We all look at my father that start frenetically look in his pockets, then handbags to find our passport. But no sign of them. He start sweating heavily, ask my mother if she kept them. No, not with her neither. Big panic moment, everybody shouting, undoing all the luggages in order to find them. But nothing. We forgot our passport. No way to catch the plane.
Our father go back to our place, 5h away from the airport, while we stayed in a hotel for the night. Turns out the passport were on my parent shelf. Just one story higher than were they always were. My mother being quite short did’t see them and assumed my father had them.
We went back to the airport on the next day to see what we could do to save our trip. We got lucky as we got access to another plane, for free, and got upgraded to first class as a bonus, due to 5 other passengers missing their flight ! But we had 5 mins to catch it. The run though the check-in, security, the terminal gates was quite epic to fathom !
When a relationship ends, you’re watching something die. You will have to grieve, like you do for any death. Not just grieving for the end of the relationship, but grieving for all the lost opportunities.  The trips you haven’t taken together, things you haven’t said to each other, the family you never make together.
Unfortunately, it sucks.
These things take time to process, understand, learn from, and eventually move forward with.
You need to adjust to a new normal. And that new normal should be busy. Schedule regular gym visits, classes, language learning, book club, cooking, guitar time, whatever. Productive routine is important and it will help stabilize you.
Sometimes, the pain you feel will be greater than you built in resources for dealing with pain. This is when you add professional counseling to healing regiment. Please sing feel too proud for therapy. Even online therapy companies like BetterHelp are a great resource.
Go out of your comfort zone and say yes to being with people. Invited for after-work drinks, or a birthday party you don’t really care about… go anyways. You don’t have to talk to them about the breakup, just being around others will help you feel less alone.
Also, do a little house cleaning. Rearrange some furniture, get some new clothes, change the rug - something so what you see marks a clear before and a clear after. Take a vacation if you have some PTO and resources. You don’t have to spend any money or go anywhere. Just go to a park and chill on a bench. Relax a few minutes a day.
At a certain point, will be looking forward to tomorrows more than you look back at yesterdays. It could be weeks, months, but it’ll be a sign you’re ready to date.
Not really missed, but I’m writing this from Taiwan because my original flight to the Philippines was cancelled due to bad weather. So we started looking at weather forecasts at the airport and jumped on the next flight to the country with the best weather!
Breakups can be pretty hard to cope with depending on how it ended.
The best advice I can think of is trying to think of it as an era of your life is now over. Those events from that era still have significance to you and will likely for a long time. And the best thing to do is not to dwell on them but look to the future.
What will this new era bring? Will you pick up those hobbies you’ve been thinking about but didn’t have the spare time for? Will you find new adventures in hobbies you already have? Will you focus on self improvement?
The best thing you can do is to let go.
They’re gone, they chose to move on. And now you will have to as well.
Yes they were incredibly significant to you, and for a time you were to them too. But just like eras in history those eras end and a new era begins.
Don’t dwell on the past and what could have been, you will only find pain there.
Look to the future for what could be.
And reach out to your friends/family and talk to them. It will be hard but open up to them about it. And if your family is just as supportive as mine, just your friends.
Here’s a brief(ish) personal story of how my most significant relationship ended.
Trigger warning: death and substance abuse.
A long time ago I was in a long-term committed relationship with 2 people (a man and a woman) I loved more than anything. Life was good for a time and improving. We had long-term goals for the relationship and our futures together.
Then some stuff went wrong that waa outside of our control, we could still achieve our goals but they would have been harder. We didn’t know how to handle it well. But we tried to stay on target.
Then more things went wrong that put us on a 30 day clock to sort out housing situation faster than we had hoped by a long shot.
We had nobody we could lean on for help, our only choice was to try our damnedest to make it happen.
We were running up to our deadline, stress was at an all time high.
We were working as many hours as we could trying to get the cash together faster then we thought possible.
She lost her job.
Then she died.
And a few days later he died due to drinking and driving.
Everything fell apart.
The era was over. And a new era had begun.
I handled it the worst way possible, I fell back into substance abuse.
And it took me 6 years to kick it.
Don’t do what I did, don’t lean into substance abuse (alcohol/drugs) they will only make the hurt worse.
Not really a missed flight story, because I am flying for free on standby.
Anyway, I am currently stuck at the Denver Airport. So far I have spent 13 hours here and I still have a little over 1 more hour to go before I find out if I get to leave or not. If I get out of DIA on this next flight I will either spend an hour in Miami’s Airport, catching my last flight home, or I will spend 12 hours in Miami hoping to catch my last flight home.
At one point I had a boarding pass and was on the plane, but my seat was taken and so I had to get right back off the plane. The agent at the gate who gave me the seat couldn’t figure out why it appeared open on the computer, but it wasn’t a big deal.
I am staying optimistic, but anything can happen. I haven’t had this hard of a time flying standby before, but I have only done it a few times. It is basically the risk I pay for being cheap. I knew what I was getting into and I regret nothing.
I think I’d rather fly spirit, frontier, allegiant, or sun country than spend that much time in the twilight zone. Isn’t airport food expensive enough that it’s a wash anyway?
Well my trip wasn’t planned out. It was a very last minute emergency type of thing. You can definitely make the “time is money” case, but I can work from anywhere as long as I have my laptop. Even with out the laptop my phone will do in a pinch.
As far as food goes I have only spent $20, and I brought a water bottle. I definitely agree that it isn’t for everyone, but I did save a lot of money doing this. Plus, I have never had this much trouble getting out of an airport before.
I made it to Miami and I am currently waiting for my last flight to board. Looks like I will make it home soon. The real problem was trying to fly through Dallas/Fort Worth. Each flight was overbooked. I could have tried going through Charlotte but each one of those flights was delayed by several hours. It really was just a bad luck sort of thing, in my opinion.
I don’t know if it quite counts… But I’d say basically every single NES game, and most other early games. Man… Incredible box art back then… But damn if that box art had anything whatsoever to do with the actual game.
I was once denied a boarding pass. I was going to another country for a week, and I had 3 or 4 months left before my passport's expiry date. The country I was going to requires a minimum of 6 months passport validity, I had no idea that was even a rule, I didn't even think to check.
Avoiding cold water is just bad advice and it’s perpetuated by people who do not live in hot climates. It violates thermodynamics to say adding cold stuff makes you hot.
If you’re already to the point of sweating, your body is trying to cool you down. Adding cool liquid will make you colder, not hotter. Go read medical recommendations for how to treat heat stress, they will never tell you to drink hot tea and eat some chillies
Yeah I’m confused about that too. I drink ice water all the time when it’s hot… But I live in an area with a mild climate, where 27C (80F) is considered hot.
The reason I’ve heard is that your body has to work really hard to warm up the cold water, which in turn means you feel warm more quickly once the effect of the cold water wears off. That’s why people in the desert drink warm tea.
It’s important to remember that humidity plays a huge role when it comes to managing thermal comfort, and the desert is a very dry place. Advice that is applicable to the desert might not apply in other places with high temperature/high humidity.
I don’t know whether drinking hot tea actually helps to beat the heat, but speculating a bit on it, we might guess that hot tea would promote sweating, which is highly effective for reducing body temperature in dry contexts, but less so in humid ones. The tea is also warmer than your body temperature if it is to be considered warm, and as such you will get hotter without getting any relief from the sweating, making drinking hot tea in a hot/humid scenario counterproductive if these assumptions are correct.
Also one of the reason why people in hot climates love eating spicy foods, especially during the day. When you eat something spicy, your mouth feels hot, but your body temperature is not actually increased. You’ll start sweating, but as your body temperature is not actually increased, you’ll ended up cooling your body instead.
I don’t buy the don’t drink ice water. I live in a place where summer temperatures are normally over 100° F (37.7° C). And nothing feels better after doing a lot of yard work like chugging ice water. The worst that’s ever happened to me was a brain freeze.
There is a reason people in the south US drink iced tea. A cold drink on a hot day, just feels good. It might be psychosomatic, but I’ve never heard anything outside of old wives’ tales about cold drinks being bad.
In fact, I’ve participated in the Hotter than Hell, a 100 mile cycling event, in Texas in August. At the halfway point they have snow cones made with sports drinks for the people participating. With over 10,000+ people a year participating and over 40 years you would think someone would have had a bad reaction if drinking cold water was actually an issue.
Was flying from Austin TX to Lax Vegas with a stop in Salt Lake City Utah via a standby ticket. So the pros of the standby ticket was I was flying for almost nothing. The con is you can only get on the flight if there’s an available seat.
So I get to SLC no problem. But then the trip to LV had a canceled flight. So needless to say there was no standby flights available for several hours as they kept using those spaces for the canceled flight. Hours later I’m at the desk waiting for the update on the last flight of the night alongside a small family that was from SLC but had also been waiting several hours. We get the update. Not flying out till the following morning. Being that they’re from SLC and Vegas is about 6 hours away they’re all like screw it. Cancel the flights and just drive. At this point I’m like “great. Sleeping in an airport”.
So they start to leave then look to me and just ask if I want to take the ride with them. Hell yea. I’m in. Grab my bag and follow these people I’ve never even spoken to out. They tell me they’re just going to stop by home and switch cars. Cool no problem. We get to their place (it’s like midnight at this point and reality sets in for them) and they’re like hey it’s late. We’re sorry but are you ok with leaving in the morning?
So not only did I jump in total strangers car for a 6 hour ride across Utah into Nevada (whole lot of nothing between those points), but I also stopped by their house and slept on the couch.
Grieve. Be kind to yourself, be kind to them. Allow yourself to feel without resisting the feelings. But don’t chase them either.
There isn’t a right way to feel for most of this.
Part of grieving is reflection (usually). Remembering good times, bad times and wish-they-were-different times. Find a way to be with those moments and accept them as they are: moments. They aren’t lost, just future ones will be different.
And that’s okay. Or it will be. And you’ll be okay, too.
I ruminate too. I tell myself it helps me learn, helps me grow, helps me remember not to “x”. It rarely helps. It’s just a conditioned response that makes me feel more control while i actually lose some.
What truly helps is healing. Learning that sometimes compatability isn’t a you tho Ing or a them thing. But it’s still a thing and somebody called the spade a spade.
If you weren’t up to your standards, then rise. Otherwise, coat yourself in patience. Listen to YouTube videos like Tara Brach. Be honest with yourself as you heal. We all have barbs, we all have scars.
I’m not sure how old you are, but I can say without a doubt that as an adult now, every single person I know is glad that their former relationships ended. Literally every single one.
I know right now it feels like “this is different” but trust me, it’s not. Everyone gets dumped, it happens, and it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or them. Odds are you just weren’t great together. And I can absolutely, positively, guarantee that you will come out better for this in the end. It will be super tough, but it’ll be worth it.
For now, let yourself feel sad, mourn the loss of the relationship, lean on your friends, and take everything one day at a time. All of a sudden, it won’t hurt anymore and it’ll feel so, so, so much better. Like, life just stopped punching you in the face repeatedly better. It’ll be so relieving and that’s when you’ll really start to figure things out. Don’t try to rush it, it’s totally worth it.
And make bad art. Nothing makes good bad art like heartbreak.
Not me personally, but my grandpa was transferred out of Pearl Harbor a week before the attack. I often think about how some random person’s decision that many years ago created my entire family line.
My grandad was on the HMS Arethusa playing poker with shipmates in WW2, went to the toilet on another part of the ship just as it was bombed. All the other poker players he left were killed.
I also sometimes think about how my grandad's bowel movements creating my entire family line.
I often think about how some random person’s decision that many years ago created my entire family line.
I mean that doesn’t really require your grandpa to die for your family line not to happen. In many cases something as simple as taking an earlier bus or leaving a little early so your grandpa doesn’t meet your grandma would also do. In fact it is sort of freaky how a little one minute change in your schedule could potentially change the lives of dozens or hundreds of people. Looking left instead of right just as someone sneezes might put you in bed for a few days, stepping on something at the wrong angle might screw your ankle for days,… and those changes quickly spiral out of control in everyone’s future timeline for all the people you might interact with.
In fact it is sort of freaky how a little one minute change in your schedule could potentially change the lives of dozens or hundreds of people
If we're talking about future humans, we get into the exponential growth stage pretty quickly.
You have 2 kids, and they each average 2 kids, and they each average 2 kids, etc, etc
2, 4, 8, 16, etc - 2 ^ n where n is number of generations
After 20 generations we're already talking a million descendants. With a rough range of 20 years per generation we get 400 years.
That number only blows up from there. In 30 generations we're at a billion in 600 years.
One minor decision whether to take a train or a bus or what have you can have wide ranging effects on potentially billions of humans far into the future. It's a bit absurd thinking about it. Everything you do has potential to radically change the future. Of course, your family line could just as well die out with you.
Now imagine how many descendants you have in your family tree going all the way back to the cavemen. Think of how many infinite little decisions led to the chances of your dad fucking your mom on that specific minute of that specific day. It's effectively a 10 ^ -∞ chance of you being born. And yet you're still here.
asklemmy
Oldest
This magazine is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.