I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

smallerdemon,

I figured this out. There’s a girl/guy there this person doesn’t want to take a shit around because OP is a notoriously stinky pooper. Everyone can go home now.

AbyssalChord,
@AbyssalChord@feddit.de avatar

I‘ll just leave a comment to prove that I witnessed a Lemmy legend in the making.

hastadi,

internet passport is stamped

fatboy93,

I was there and I saw what you did, Saw it my own two eyes

CassowaryTom,

Alright, what the hell? I also was here.

ComatoseSquirrel,
@ComatoseSquirrel@lemmy.ml avatar

Sadly, I wasn’t here yet.

MapleSoda,
@MapleSoda@lemmy.ca avatar

Likewise! 🤣

llamatador,

Oh hell. Me too. Just to say I was there.

takeonme,

I was here too

clutch,
smallerdemon,
amphy,
@amphy@lemmy.ca avatar

count me in lmfao

smashboy,

Commemorative comment for the start of Lemmy lore.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

I miscalculated. The poopless days begin tomorrow, not today. About 28 hours left.

Spidertax,

Are you trying to build up a giga shit, so you can clog your nemesis’s toilet?

Cloak,
@Cloak@lemmy.ml avatar

Thanks for the update

rockmeat,

will you keep us posted on how it's going?

headlesscyborg,
@headlesscyborg@lemmy.ml avatar

Since you added the hours left, the whole (not-)pooping thing sounds way more serious now. Damn, maybe if you added some countdown timer, I’d stop laughing.

Spoiler: I won’t

Badkid,

The forbidden poop saga continues...

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

Currently sitting on the toilet. Taking my last shit. 12 hours and 33 minutes left.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

It’s not working.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

Is this what giving birth feels like?

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

Help.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

I’m looking up at the ceiling, my mouth open in a silent scream of rage and desperation. Cords stand out on my neck as every neuron in my brain wills that stubborn piece of poop to pass through my hole. My phone is in my hand, playing this video on loop. Yet, the fecal brick resists. It is not showing any signs of giving in. However, I am determined to clear myself out before the three-day period starts. I am not giving up.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

I gave up. I forced it so hard it almost made me throw up. I’m going to bed.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

Attempt 2 at taking my last shit.

UPDATE: I failed again.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

UPDATE: I HAVE OFFICIALLY SHITTEN MY LAST SHIT!

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

The shitless period has begun.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

Day 1 of not shitting started 4 hours ago, but it’s time for the real journey to start. Goodbye my friends. Wish me luck.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

Day 1 is over. I have not shitten.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

Very bad situation can’t focus on grammar and stuff but i almost shat only forced myself not to becoz cant disappoint lemmings anyways bye now that’s the day two update

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

3 DAYS OVER I MADE IT LESGOO

wildchandelure,

Truly an amazing post that needs a follow-up. We wait eagerly for the results of this journey. You crazy motherfucker lmfao

rjb,

I just finished watched Alone: Australia, one guy didn’t eat for over 20 days. Fasting may be a good option for avoiding needing to poo. I’d imagine you’d have to start that process maybe a day or two early. To get the best effect.

LUHG_HANI,
@LUHG_HANI@lemmy.world avatar

Absolutely. From the water fast I've read about after 3-5 days it gets much easier.

Ladha979,

Just take the dildo out for 5 minutes man, it's no big deal

Trent,

That was my thought. “I bet there’s a buttplug involved…”

Also posting to be part of history. 😁

MegaUltraChicken,

Honestly "butt plug" seems like the solution here.

DePingus,
@DePingus@lemmy.ml avatar

Chess champion in the making?

stilgar,
@stilgar@infosec.pub avatar

I’m imagining you shipping yourself in a crate to another country and wanting to avoid getting poo all over you 🤣

johnnysparrow,

Imodium

takeonme,

This entire thread is just… wow.

potato_pizzareca,
@potato_pizzareca@lemmy.world avatar

The type of shit (or lack thereof) that I came here to subscribe.

Raion1337,

I was here lmao. Starting to love lemmy

Nerrad,
@Nerrad@lemmy.world avatar

Good luck mailing yourself out of the country.

alexthesunking,

Honestly, If u dont want to poop and eat as little as possible i would consider fasting. If zero food is too intimidating - pack some nuts.

thehatfox,
@thehatfox@lemmy.world avatar

This post is truly glorious, this should be the founding exhibit of the museum of Lemmy.

I am truly grateful to witness this moment.

In case OP is still with us, my advice would be anti diarrhoea medication, consume minimum liquids, avoid fibre, pack MREs which are often formulated to be a bit constipating. But above all, question why on earth you would be doing this in the first place!

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