asklemmy

This magazine is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

DudeDudenson, in Customs Officers: Have you ever laughed out loud when someone gave you their passport and they had an… unusual name?

There’s a very common last name from Spain that is slang on my country for “cunt”.

Had to call an old lady and say hello miss **** back in my call center days.

Everyone who heard me on the floor laughed their asses off

Travalanche,
@Travalanche@lemmy.world avatar

Why did you censor the other word, but not “cunt?”

corsicanguppy,

Because that’s not a naughty word where he lives.

cheese_greater, (edited )

As the Aussies would say, he’s a right good Cunny

m4xie,

Protecting the ladies identity.

Bitrot,
@Bitrot@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

Heaven forbid we know a common name.

SgtAStrawberry,

Reminds me of the people that asked for advice on location specific things, and don’t want to say what country they in because it might dox them.

gandalf_der_12te,

btw, i’m living on earth.

AceFuzzLord,

Aha! Now I got you! I’m sending a Swat team there this very instant!

Guajojo,

It’s concha Right?

raoulSWEduke, in What's the funniest WiFi network name you've seen?

Skynet. (It has been for years and finally it got relevant again.)

gzrrt, (edited ) in Would you rather be bald, or have great hair but be unable to orgasm properly?
@gzrrt@kbin.social avatar

Bald. Being bald looks cool, no shame in it whatsoever.

shinigamiookamiryuu, in What's the funniest/strangest thing you have seen out your office/apartment window?
thelsim, (edited ) in Would you rather be bald, or have great hair but be unable to orgasm properly?
@thelsim@sh.itjust.works avatar

Please don’t say neither (that’s not an option)

Both?

Edit:
Ok, in all semi-seriousness, I like my hair and like to keep it. Sex is still fun without an orgasm.
I’m more of a giver than a taker anyway :)

shinigamiookamiryuu, in Would you rather be bald, or have great hair but be unable to orgasm properly?

Relatively speaking, as an asexual, I can afford to lose a few orgasms.

shandrakor, in What's the funniest WiFi network name you've seen?

One of my favourites is from a movie!

ThePromisedLAN

Alivrah, in Be honest: if you had the power to stop time, your morals would go out the window.

Honestly I’d love the power of being able to see any point in space and time. To witness the birth and death of stars and look around alien shores. To peek at the absurdity of the diversity of life eons before human history.

I’d probably go mad pretty fast but hey, it’d be pretty neat.

balderdash9,

This is actually one of the things I would wish for if I had a magic lamp.

  1. The ability to grant or take away perfect immortality to any living thing.
  2. To be the most intelligent human to ever exist (so far)
  3. The ability to see any point in space and time.

You’re right that it would likely have psychological ramifications (probably end up like Brandon Stark from GOT). But it would be fun for a couple thousand years.

Alivrah,

Can you imagine how it would be like to see Theia about to hit proto-Earth just above you? Then “pause” the scene and look at it a few hundred kilometres away…

Or just peek inside the clouds of the gas giants…

Or the depths of frozen moon oceans…

Or stars being slingshot’ed near supermassive black holes …

Dang, it almost feels like a curse to know how big and vast the universe is while being confined inside a single body for a few decades…

samus12345,
@samus12345@lemmy.world avatar

As long as you could control what you see, you’d probably be okay.

uriel238, (edited ) in Be honest: if you had the power to stop time, your morals would go out the window.
@uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

In classic philosophy, this is the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ring_of_Gyges, in which Plato suggests that we’d be tempted to wrongdoing if we had the capacity to evade harmful consequences.

In 21st century moral philosophy, it’s more complicated than that. What we do with super-powers depends largely on our need. Normally, someone doesn’t steal resources when they have the means to attain them legitimately, but it’s our precarity or even poverty and hunger that drives us to steal, largely due to a society that recognizes property rights without assuring the safety and provisions of those who, well, don’t have any property. Precarity leads to renegade behavior, or as our states like to call it crime. ^†^

So what happens when our ring-wearer finds themselves no longer in desperate need for stuff. This is the point of opportunity, where they can choose to use their power to rescue others from their misfortune, or they can isolate themselves from the squalor and bask in their own luxury.

One of the terrible secrets of moral philosophy is that no code of ethics, no religious commandment really matters. Most of us do what we feel like anyway, whether right and well meaning or wrongful and malicious. It just happens that we’re generally affable. That is, eons of evolution have instilled us with social values and the drive to engage peaceably when we’re not starving, and as such we allow total strangers to merge into our lane in traffic and try to telegraph our actions to keep other drivers at ease. When we’re well fed, healthy, warm, well rested and getting laid once in a while, we’re pretty easy to get along with. Keep a whole society in precarity, however, and it turns into social unrest and eventually civil war.

But then, when we’re driven by fear, we tend to think of others in antagonistic terms. Our billionaires have the capacity to improve society on a global scale. Musk or Bloomberg could adopt Haiti and drive the nation into industrial development, and have his statue in bronze adorn every state park countrywide. Not big on that opportunity? $30 Billion will feed the world (That is, all the humans in it) including processing and freight. Less than that could create a free high-speed WiFi internet infrastructure that covers all populated parts of the world (Including Mt. Everest, but not much of the Himalayas).

But none of them do. Not one billionaire is thinking about their legacy on this scale. Rather, they’re all very miserly with their charitable works, and then engage in them only for marketing and tax-haven purposes. Considering how consistent billionaires are about this, the Ring of Gyges may be that corrupting an influence after all.

Superhero narratives are typically about a desperate need and someone with the means to fulfill it in daring fashion. OSP noted The Scarlett Pimpernel who rescued aristocrats from the guillotine during the Reign of Terror during the French Revolution. (Superheroes are not always on the side of aging well). When someone has super-powers and acts in a more immoral fashion, we regard them instead as monsters. Case in point, Count Dracula or The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

SPIRIT: This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom
SCROOGE: Have they no refuge or resource?
SPIRIT:〈mocking Scrooge〉Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?

I generally avoid using the word crime unless talking specifically about things that are illegal as decided by regional law. Many acts of wrongdoing are not criminal. Many crimes are not immoral. Same with sin which are proscriptions according to religious institutions.

samus12345,
@samus12345@lemmy.world avatar

“Let me tell you something about Hu-mons, nephew. They’re a wonderful, warm, sociable people. But take away their creature comforts, take away their food, their holosuites, and put their lives in jeopardy over an extended period of time and those same warm, wonderful people…will become as nasty and vicious as the most bloodthirsty Klingon.”

CaptainMcMonkey, in Would you rather be bald, or have great hair but be unable to orgasm properly?

Had hair, didn’t fuck. No longer have hair, do fuck.

Fucking is definitely better than having hair. No contest.

athos77, (edited ) in What's the funniest/strangest thing you have seen out your office/apartment window?

Our open office of five desks and 3-5 people was on the second floor; right outside our office was a short hall of 3 individual offices, but the people in the offices were often out of the office. We'd mostly all worked together for years by then, got along well, and were pretty informal.

We had an absolutely wonderful (if slightly ditzy) girl named Chrissy join the office one summer, fresh out of high school. She liked to dress up very stylishly - not like office wear, but like a popular cheerleader might wear to class, if that makes sense?

Anyway, we're in the office one day, and Chrissy ducks out, then comes back in like one minute later, face absolutely flaming red. We ask what's wrong and she could only stammer in response. She eventually got herself under control and said:

She'd stepped out to run some papers downstairs and, as she left the office, she felt her pantyhose start to sag, so she quickly ducked into one of the side offices, pulled up her skirt, and pulled her hose back up to the top of her thighs. When she looked up, there was a window-washer hanging off the side of the building, slowly and calmly wiping his squeegee back and forth across the window, looking directly at her and smiling kindly. She stared at him, mouth open, while he continued his slow, calm, almost meditative squgeeing across the window. As soon as her mind processed "unexpected man outside second floor window", she bolted back to us.

It was literally like something directly out of a sitcom.

talizorah, in Would you rather be bald, or have great hair but be unable to orgasm properly?
@talizorah@kbin.social avatar

I'm not getting laid anyways, and already have to wear a hat all the time. Give me my hair back.

I_Fart_Glitter, in Be honest: if you had the power to stop time, your morals would go out the window.

Honestly I think I would mostly use it for naps. So many naps.

_haha_oh_wow_,
@_haha_oh_wow_@sh.itjust.works avatar

Would be pretty cool for transport too: Arrive anywhere instantly; you’d never be late.

nieceandtows,

You would think so, but once you get used to it, you’d be like, ‘What’s the hurry? I can be there immediately’ and start traveling at the nick of the moment, and then eventually start showing up late, even with the superpower. If you were late to begin with, you’d be late all the way through. I know I would be.

runjun,

Yeesh, I’m trying to relax not be attacked.

_haha_oh_wow_,
@_haha_oh_wow_@sh.itjust.works avatar

Yeah, that sounds pretty probable.

Selkie,

I know I’d wait last minute for everything, or even worse than I do now anyways

spittingimage,
@spittingimage@lemmy.world avatar

You are truly the best of us.

The_Cleanup_Batter,

Honestly. This.

There is so much that I would want to do that requires time to be “flowing” that the only things I could probably get done would be some cleaning, reading, and some rest.

Food doesn’t cook without time. Computers and other electronics need time to process inputs. If I want to get anywhere I’m walking.

The only immoral stuff might be some shoplifting, maybe. But even then I wouldn’t really be motivated if I could afford whatever it was otherwise.

janAkali, (edited )

There is so much that I would want to do that requires time to be “flowing”…

If we’re talking about physics-accurate superpowers, please add partial blindness - photons are frozen in place, they can’t reach your eyelids, unless you walk into them. And suffocation due to completely still air.

And … now you can’t even nap in peace 😐.

The_Cleanup_Batter,

On second thought I’d probably just troll the French by moving them to the bottom of flights of stairs after they’ve walked up.

leftzero,

Photons move at the speed of light relative to the observer, regardless of the observer’s speed.

If we’re going physics-accurate, you wouldn’t be blind, though you’d probably be a black hole (for a very brief time, before you evaporated due to Hawking radiation).

_haha_oh_wow_, (edited )
@_haha_oh_wow_@sh.itjust.works avatar

I’d definitely fuck with people who were being shitty, not straight up evil, just mischievous:

Park in a bike lane? Oh no, all your valve stems have disappeared!

Attack someone? Your shoelaces are now tied to your belt, which is also now fastened around your arms.

Steal from a person? Your shoes are now hanging from a lamp post and the stuff you stole got unstolen.

Be a shady company that screws everyone over? Your infrastructure keeps breaking and funds keep disappearing, how weird!

Invade Ukraine and commit hundreds of war crimes? Oh no, you fell out of a window and also I have now been “recruited” by the CIA because they found out about my ability to pause time. Now I’m forced to do morally ambiguous things under the guise of national interests.

Oh shit, OP was right!

Also, hey Netflix: Hit me up if you wanna do a series, I know you’ll literally hire anyone. I do comedy too.

tungah, in Best/usable free Evernote alternative

I use Notesnook and find it great! Also check out Cryptee, if you’re ok with web apps.

DirigibleProtein, in What's the funniest/strangest thing you have seen out your office/apartment window?

I was having lunch in the break room on the 23rd floor, vaguely watching the world go by. Two blocks away, a car drove up to the top level of a parking garage, a bunch of guys got out, and cut through the chain link fence separating the garage building from the roof of the building next door. “Well, that’s unusual behaviour “, I thought, and kept watching. When they moved over to that roof and started to break in to the rooftop door, I realised that it was the bank down the street. Called the cops and gave them a running commentary. Eventually when they showed up I got to see the tussle between the cops and the bad guys on the roof. Felt like a tv show.

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • asklemmy@lemmy.world
  • localhost
  • All magazines
  • Loading…
    Loading the web debug toolbar…
    Attempt #