What's your favorite piece of bullshit advice?
If you swallow appleseed(s)
Smoke some cigarettes. The smoke will suffocate the bacteria
—Mac
Inucune, If you cut the ground prong off and flip the plug upside down, it runs backwards.
cheese_greater, Skillz that killz ☠️
SheerDumbLuck, The Toronto horse cops carried around trading cards for their horses as a part of a PR campaign. Ask a cop for one!
Just another way for you to be disappointed by the police. Can’t even do PR right.
captain_aggravated, 
“Count your blessings.”
Useless fucking platitude that’s synonymous with “You aren’t the person who is absolutely the worst off, so being upset with your lot is inappropriate.”
See also “At least you have your health.”
MIDItheKID, YOLO
It’s like a mantra for bad decision making. But it should really be used the opposite way. Like… I better put my seat belt on because YOLO.
HeavyRaptor, (edited ) Your comment reminded me of this youtu.be/z5Otla5157c
moosetwin, 
I think a lot of people here misread ‘favorite’ as ‘least favorite’
TechyDad, 
My company switched up retirement plans and they held a seminar to explain them. The person running the seminar said that we should be putting 15% of our salaries into retirement.
Nice idea, but if I put 15% of my salary into retirement, then I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills. I’m not living extravagantly or anything (buying something for $20 for my enjoyment seems like a splurge to me). Still, whenever I seem to be getting on a better financial footing, life throws me a curve ball. Need new hearing aids ($3,600). New a new dryer ($750). Might need a new car soon.
So either I need to be paid a lot more, I will be working until I’m 90, or I put away the money and go deep into debt but can retire. (Just kidding. I’m nearing 50. I likely won’t have enough to retire. Maybe when I’m 80.)
Tikiporch, Better start working our way to a cushy desk job so we have somewhere comfortable to die.
nikosey, (edited ) if you ask a police officer for a piece of candy then legally they have to give you one
cheese_greater, Fax
just_change_it, Hard work always pays off.
cheese_greater, smart work always pays off
;) ftfy
GlitterInfection, Being born wealthy always pays off.
Iamdanno, Not always. Sometimes you just end up as a waste of oxygen in jail.
Weirdfish, I knew there was something I forgot to do
shinigamiookamiryuu, “Snitches get stitches.”
How do you expect conflict resolution to work?
Fiivemacs, With stitches…
DoctorWhookah, Or end up in ditches.
HenriVolney, If something bad happens, just try to forget it. You’ll feel better!
PrimarilyPrimate, 
If I pick up something that is too heavy my uterus will fall out.
cheese_greater, (edited ) Related query: Is there such thing as vaginal prolapse?
Also: are you Dwight Schrute lol?
Dagwood222,
cheese_greater, (edited ) Im scared to look 😫
Wow, 1/3 of women will experience. Ladies, why do your genitals hate you so much?
Dagwood222, It’s text.
KingJalopy, 
This happened too a stray kitten I found years ago. She had gotten pregnant and this happened. We had to put her down.
PrimarilyPrimate, Yes, there is such a thing as a vaginal prolapse but… That thing is really hooked in there! And no I am not Dwight.
paddirn, (edited ) “Undercover Cops have to tell you if they’re a cop,” or other variations I remember hearing all throughout high school.
Somehow though, organized crime hasn’t figured out this one simple trick to ferreting out undercover cops in their midst, just ask them.
Also: “Don’t trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die.”
cheese_greater, Its the Criminal Bro Code
Caboose12000, that second one seems way outta left field to me, what kinda contexts is that used in?
paddirn, It was from an episode of South Park:
surewhynotlem, Vaginas
Dagwood222, A one word answer that covers so many questions.
KingJalopy, Like, “I don’t get it.”
Guest_User, Hahaha burn
KingJalopy, Not if you wrap it before you tap it
moosetwin, you can’t go wrong if you shield your dong
eran_morad, “do what you love”
Mrkawfee, (edited ) It’s so simple. Why didn’t I think of that before!
/S
ConstantPain, The moment you depend on it to not live on the streets, then you don’t love it anymore.
Iamdanno, Do what you love for a job and you’ll turn what you want to do into what you have to do.
neidu2, "Don’t believe everything you read on the internet"
- Benjamin Franklin
cheese_greater, I thought Wayne Gretsky said that…🤔
surewhynotlem, “Nope, it was Franklin” -Abraham Lincoln
cheese_greater, (edited ) — Aretha “Benjamin[s]” Franklin
cone_zombie, (edited ) "Fuck Spez"
- Hammurabi
Spider89, No cop, no stop.
Add comment