WashedOver,
@WashedOver@lemmy.ca avatar

Don’t try to bullshit me, I’m a bullshit artist.

KingJalopy,
@KingJalopy@lemm.ee avatar

If I ever told my dad, “are you shitting me?”, he’d reply with, “I’d never shit you, you’re my favorite turd.”

WashedOver,
@WashedOver@lemmy.ca avatar

Lol love that one. My uncle was the one that used the Bullshit line on me

TechyDad,
@TechyDad@lemmy.world avatar

My company switched up retirement plans and they held a seminar to explain them. The person running the seminar said that we should be putting 15% of our salaries into retirement.

Nice idea, but if I put 15% of my salary into retirement, then I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills. I’m not living extravagantly or anything (buying something for $20 for my enjoyment seems like a splurge to me). Still, whenever I seem to be getting on a better financial footing, life throws me a curve ball. Need new hearing aids ($3,600). New a new dryer ($750). Might need a new car soon.

So either I need to be paid a lot more, I will be working until I’m 90, or I put away the money and go deep into debt but can retire. (Just kidding. I’m nearing 50. I likely won’t have enough to retire. Maybe when I’m 80.)

Tikiporch,

Better start working our way to a cushy desk job so we have somewhere comfortable to die.

NoneYa,

“Be careful!” Oh thanks for the reminder because I wasn’t planning on being careful 👍

jballs,
@jballs@sh.itjust.works avatar

I honestly don’t think little kids understand what people mean when they say “be careful”. When my kids were younger, I’d say something like “be careful the sidewalk is icy!” and they’d just run full speed and slip on the ice.

I think kids just think “be careful” is just something nice you say like “good luck”.

NoneYa,

Yours was definitely informative and I think partly because of your intentions but also because of the statement after about the danger that was there that they may not have been aware of.

The ones I’m referring to are the typical greetings where it’s just “be careful” or “drive safe”.

I know the intention is meant well but always still struck me as an odd way to greet someone.

moosetwin,
@moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

I think a lot of people here misread ‘favorite’ as ‘least favorite’

Inucune,

If you cut the ground prong off and flip the plug upside down, it runs backwards.

cheese_greater,

Skillz that killz ☠️

Spider89,

No cop, no stop.

Bishma,
@Bishma@discuss.tchncs.de avatar

“Your ____ hurts? Stub your toe then you won’t notice it as much.”

cheese_greater,

This has the same cadence as my appleseeds one 🙃

Lifecoach5000,

Snorting nose drugs are good for your sinuses

cheese_greater,

Luv me some nose clams

KingJalopy, (edited )
@KingJalopy@lemm.ee avatar

Actually I’ve had a bad case of covid for like 4 days now and haven’t been able to breathe out of my nose. While not technically nose drugs, I took one of my wife’s Adderall and like magic I’m breathing through my nose again. Still feel terrible and can’t sleep now but I’m no longer a mouth breather. I couldn’t sleep last night because my mouth would dry out every 5 minutes so bad I’d have to take a drink of water every few minutes then pee.

cheese_greater,

Amphetamine used to be used exactly for this, its why Sudafed or gtfo when it comes to blocked nose

SheerDumbLuck,

The Toronto horse cops carried around trading cards for their horses as a part of a PR campaign. Ask a cop for one!

Just another way for you to be disappointed by the police. Can’t even do PR right.

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