i remember when this got posted. it was nice. life is so hard and so difficult sometimes, it’s nice to see when humans can reach each other and show that level of love.
Fully admit I am right there with you. New to Lemmy as well. I have been trying to bring some of my favorite subreddits here which is how I ended up finding this community as well.
In addition to what @ScrivenerX said, this is also problematic because you seem to think women are aware someone is an abuser and then continue to date them. Abusers are incredibly manipulative and isolate their victims as much as possible over time so that they feel they can't realistically leave once they reveal their true selves.
I feel so terrible for the GF. Not only was she a victim of rape, she had to make a choice that would either cause her to lose her family or her boyfriend. Though I don’t think OP was wrong in any of his actions, it’s still such a terrible situation for her.
This may go against the general tenor here, but parents are people too and make mistakes, sometimes big ones. Your life is finite, and so is theirs. When they are gone, you'll never have the chance to see them again. I would let them back in, maybe at least hear what they have to say. Could be just me though.
Sure, they’re human and humans make mistakes. It doesn’t mean I (or my husband and kids, in the case of OP) have to be there while you work them out. Work them out and try again in a few years. More likely than not, staying will just enable them and they won’t be motivated to fix the issue.
Life is hard. Parenting is hard. Being in a relationship is hard. Why would OP add an extra layer to that by having to worry when they’re going to demonstrate their shitty racist beliefs in front of the people she loves?
My parents are dead too and I still think my father being an abusive and racist piece of shit made him an abusive and racist piece of shit that I don’t really miss.
OP heard what they had to say: a slur and insult. You don’t double down on mistakes when you’re supposed to be asking for forgiveness.
queer people often learn that family are just people in your life… many of us have chosen family who love and respect us for who we are, because our family have let us down beyond measure. don’t ever feel obligated to stick around for anyone just because they’re family: surround yourself with people who love you, regardless of if you share blood relations or not
Yeah, I know. And I knew this would be the reaction here. And for many people what you suggest is the right answer. I am only saying, it might not be for everyone. There is a lot of nuance that tends to be left out of these descriptions, and a world of information we're not getting.
Finish that last thought. "I don't know what else you need... to never talk to your parents again, ever." People can change, and the grave is cold and final. (Although I just realized, I only read the TL;DR version. There might be stuff here I'm not getting. Did the initial post change after I wrote my first comment? Anyway, I may be wrong here depending on the full story.)
I was just responding to your last sentence, “maybe at least hear what they have to say”, and pointed out that they already did that and the results are already in the original post. By saying “I don't know what else you need” I was implying that this is probably enough to judge their character and make a decision on how to move forward with one's relationship with them. To never talk to your parents again, ever, is a legitimate decision to make after considering these variables, and it's not our place to force the author to constantly second-guess that decision.
bestupdates
Top
This magazine is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.