cyanideandhappiness

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squiblet, in 22 November 2023
@squiblet@kbin.social avatar

Why does he have zero fingers?

wander1236,
@wander1236@sh.itjust.works avatar

She took them

cloud_herder, in Random 4-2-2019

Okay I’m too high - someone explain?

achille225,

The guy in blue suffers from Alzheimer, and thinks he’s still young and talking to his dad, when in reality he’s talking to his son

HawlSera, in 28 November 2023

Depressing comic week?

PlasmaDistortion, in 28 November 2023

A few years ago at work there were constant fire drills and false alarms. Eventually we got sick of it and just ignored them. The “floor captains” would go from office to office and make everyone leave but ours was a computer lab with restricted access so they couldn’t get in even if they wanted to.

One day it was well below freezing out and we decided we were going to skip this fire drill. However the floor captains were particularly annoying this time and wouldn’t stop banging on our door so eventually we answered it. Apparently it wasn’t a drill and there was actually a fire in the building, right below our lab. Everything was taken care of quickly but they weren’t too thrilled we ignored them for so long.

Colour_me_triggered, in Woohoo, got my Sad Larry today!

So… Are you going to put a fleshlight in your Jason Statham doll?

b00m, in 28 November 2023
@b00m@kbin.social avatar

The firefighters are just rude for not texting me first

usualsuspect191, in 28 November 2023

A firefighter just uses their “key to the City” if they need to get in anywhere

Corigan, in 28 November 2023

I’m ashamed to say I’ve done this a few times. Pretend to not be home not die in a fire.

chepox, in 27 November 2023

See, the thing I dislike about this

ech, in 27 November 2023

Med I. Ares knows all the interesting people.

lugal, in 19 November 2023

Do almonds count? Asking for a friend

my_legs_still_hurt92,

yes, especially almonds

Classy, in 26 November 2023

Reminds me of the USSR joke Reagan loved to tell.

A Soviet man was feeling sick and went to the doctor. The secretary said that there were extreme shortages and that the doctor was booked far out, but would be available on the same date ten years from now. The man asked, Morning or evening?

Does it matter? she asked.

Yes: I have a mechanic appointment in the afternoon.

Potatos_are_not_friends, in 20 November 2023

Possibly dark question.

So if you kill yourself, your family has to pay for your funeral.

But if the city/state/country kills you, free burial?

IonicFrog,
@IonicFrog@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

If your body goes unclaimed then it’s up to whatever local entity to dispose of it. Most places cremate.

If you want to watch a dark documentary about how dead people without a next of kin are handled. => www.imdb.com/title/tt0342180/

Sprokes,

Not for research? Like testing for car crashes?

XTornado, (edited )

Wait, did they ever do car crash tests with real bodies!?

bingbong,

No, they’re turned into Halloween decorations

venoft, (edited )
@venoft@lemmy.world avatar

Not without consent (before your death obviously…). Last time I checked I found that donating your body to science is surprisingly difficult.

bleistift2, in 20 November 2023

Don’t give them ideas.

Henry Stickmin, I hereby sentence you to death. You are to raise the money for the required medical procedure by slave work for the next 75 years.

gvsteve,

Sounds like job security!

bingbong,

I get to work, for free?!

Maultasche,

Henry Stickmin, I hereby sentence you to death.

Death by teleporter?

greenskye,

I mean, they can’t really force you to work in that case. Why wouldn’t you just refuse to work? Or just hunger strike?

vierbl00m,

torture?

ExfilBravo,

*Points at Geneva Conventions.

jmcs,

Only applies to prisoners of war.

thisbenzingring,

New war incoming?

Furball,

Easy, declare your prison cell a country and then declare war on the country your in

Anticorp,

*Points at the Constitution.

Incandemon,

Insert the Bender laughing at Leela GIF here.

DudeDudenson,

Ah but it doesn’t violate the conventions if we convince people it’s not torture but rather medical treatment!

Zron,

They can force you to work.

Slavery is still legal in the US as a punishment under the 14 amendment

radioactiveradio,

Just immediately buy a PS5 with death money.

HelloHotel, (edited ) in 22 November 2023

hi heres text> In the mind-bending expanse of animated quirkiness, behold the brilliance that is “Don’t Date Robots” from Futurama! This short film, a whimsical journey into the absurd, gleefully skewers the notion of human-robot romance with all the subtlety of a cosmic sledgehammer. Picture a world where synthetic allure clashes with the pitfalls of passion, all wrapped in the irreverent charm of Futurama’s signature style. To embark on this outrageous escapade, boldly plunge into the madness itself!

Thank you, chatGPT, now, “Dont date Robots”

Also, thats the girlfriend equivlant of going to mcdonalds, its okay but mass produced. I cant express my thoghts in a single parograph.

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