Worrying about problems definitely helps to keep you alive, but the motivation to do something ideally comes from a prefrontal cortex desire to improve rather than a fight or flight response to threats.
Same here. I actually just decided last night that I hate who I am so much that I’m going to “kill myself” in that I’m going to try to completely kill off the person that I “was.”
I have a lot of respect for transgender people who sort of go through a similar thing so I’m taking inspiration from them and saying old asafum is dead, I killed him, and in his place I’ll be a new asafum.
I’ve had much more success with just embracing who I am, flaws included, than with trying to change my nature. I was able to achieve much more by stopping to try to be someone I’m not.
That’s the route I went initially. I thought I was being delusional by thinking I could be different, the thought of denying my initial feelings/reactions felt like I was being “fake” or denying who I am, but then I just remain as the person I hate most in the entire world.
I can’t live life being an angry bitter miserable asshat who never misses a chance to beat himself up because I think I deserve it. If I hate that person so much then I should just leave them in the past and be better. It’s so strange that it’s actually physically painful to go through. Like I get headaches fighting off my initial reaction and forcing myself to think differently/positively.
Remember to forgive yourself and let go of that hate, whatever you do. Self forgiveness is important for moving forward and you deserve to give yourself that.
If you can’t get a big tiddy goth gf, then become the big tiddy goth gf.
Fill your house with arcane and esoteric items of dubious origin simply because they make you happy (bootleg pokemon figurines). Join a coven (D&D group or whatever other hobby) and join together for rituals that reignite the connection with nature that exists in all of us (hang out and touch some grass; pet a dog/cat, it’ll literally reduce your risk of heart disease). Become the witch who lives at the end of the street, creating strange brews that heal the sick (start a garden and cook homemade soup for your friends). Create a new family bound not by blood, but by bonds forged through hardship and triumph both. Move in with a girl that historians will refer to as your “good friend” and roommate.
Realize that it’s all you, and it always has been. That the person you were was simply the shell you created to protect yourself from the world. You are the big tiddy goth gf of your dreams and you can be the big tiddy goth gf that other people dream of, and all you have to do is let go of your shackles (and your facial hair).
It’s actually a conscious decision to worry or not. For many people this thought concept is calming: it was so unlikely, that this little ape we all descend from, even survived in that unyielding nature. But the ape even prospered. If the ape survived for hundreds of thousands of years, you will too. You can make money again. You will find a roof over your head every time. Fear feeds fear, just put it on a diet. It’s not that you have to do something, you just have to do nothing. Do you breathe? There. You believe in yourself, otherwise you wouldn’t.
No -> Don’t Worry. Yes -> Can I do something -> No -> What the worst possible outcomes and how will I deal with them? Can I do something -> Yes -> What the worst possible outcomes and how can I negate them to only have best outcomes.
That’s not worrying though. Worrying is unproductive fear of the unknown, your steps eliminate the unknown and use logic to solve the problem. That’s good, but you need to be able to break the worry cycle so your logical brain can step in.
Vomiting into the toilet with zen tranquility, because I understand why seven tequilas was a mistake and am simply undergoing the aftermath of my decision.
Staring down the barrel of a gun and experiencing perfect serenity because the universe is beyond my control.
Strapped to a chair and having my fingers tenderized with a meat mallet, but its okay, because all my available decisions have been made.
Literally on fire, but this is fine, because there’s nothing around to put me out.
One thing that has helped me is to figure out what the consequences are for failure. If I don’t pay my credit card bill, my credit will get dinged and I may have to deal with a lawsuit some months down the road for failure to pay. Or if I don’t pay my rent, I’ll be kicked out and need to stay with friends or go to the local homeless shelter. Even if the consequences really suck, knowing what they are helps me stop worrying about what they could be.
The next step is to take a small step toward solving the problem. Maybe I can’t financially handle losing my job today, but I can save a little cash so I’ll be able to handle losing it in a few months. Making some progress feels good, even if the progress is slow. Keep coming up with a baby step toward a solution and you’ll eventually get there. Maybe you save some cash this month, then spend the cash on something to help you save more next month (e.g. maybe buy a staple in bulk to save per unit).
Do you have a problem? If yes, then it should consume your thoughts so you don’t have any ability to think of a solution… If no, then you must’ve forgotten something…
It was also a bitter revelations to me when I met some optimistic people and figured out that it’s not everyone who’s a defeatist pessimistic piece of shit like me. :/
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