The only real reason I can think to move is if your current instance is regularly down for extended periods or if a lot of other instances defederate it.
Some other instances that have come to mind: slrpnk.net - Seems like something of a natural fit considering they are also the home of !twoxchromosomes which is roughly the same size and number of active users lemmy.world - This is a fairly general community and so it makes some sense to be on a fairly general instance
I’m a user on slrpnk.net and thoroughly enjoy my home feed. Climate, nature, solarpunk futurism, memes, soil, activism, creative pursuits, anarchism, different kinds of liberation.
If you do decide to move; I’d be pleased to have you as part of my home instance
My lemmy “philosophy” is that generic centralization should be discouraged. I prefer more “category-like” centralization. This is not just to support my preferred usage pattern (browse and participate “local” on multiple instances), but to ensure that lemmy doesn’t evolve toward major centralized instances that end up just being just another clone of the various commercial platforms.
Centralization means less diversity in rules, less diversity in enforcement, and higher instance costs. I think the loss of diversity is just a bad idea, because it leaves less room for widespread experimentation. Higher instance costs could be a problem if instance owners find themselves needing to monetize the instance in order to remain solvent. The outcome is a generally less resilient system.
I enjoy a lot of communities on lemmy.world, but I’d recommend against moving a community into it. Centralizing more communities there doesn’t feel productive, and I don’t think it would help with user numbers.
If you do want to move, slrpnk is cool and I think this community could succeed there. Personally, I think the best solution would be to promote this community around the Fediverse regardless of if you stay on this instance or move to another one. Places like !communityPromo and the other ones listed here: lemmy.ca/post/5581032.
Thanks for thinking about these things and for working on the community!
Budget is always a factor, but here’s mine so far…
Looking at a discovery flight for someone who’s expressed some interest in flying, a limited art print from someone’s favorite artist, potentially an inflatable stand up paddle board, and a 360 degree camera for others. Still a lot of searching to do but hopefully these can spark some ideas for others too
I looked for a sampler, but my cousin dislikes most black teas and all the samplers I saw had some. So, I ended up buying 20-teabag boxes of different flavors.
This sounds like the experience I was having in 1978. We ultimately had to switch back to more traditional roles because she just couldn’t earn enough money to support us, while it was trivial for me to do so, despite neither of us having postsecondary education.
I know social change is slow, but this is pathetic.
Lessons from 15 years as a stay-at-home father By Shannon Carpenter Illustration of a man holding hands with two kids to >quizzical looks from others Illustration by Pat Thomas for The Atlantic November 24, 2023
When I first became a stay-at-home dad, 15 years ago, people didn’t know how to categorize me: I was called a babysitter, “that guy at story time,” and even a woman a couple of times by shirttail relatives and friends. Their words were patronizing and unnecessarily feminizing, but they didn’t diminish my love of being a father. Over time, I raised three kids while my wife advanced in the advertising world. She negotiated contracts; I negotiated naptime. She worked hard to bring in new clients; I worked hard to raise our children. The division of labor has benefited our individual strengths: We both agree that I’m more patient while she is more business-savvy.
Yet, after all this time, many people still can’t compute that I’m my kids’ primary caregiver. Several years ago, as I was fetching my youngest child from preschool, a kid asked the teacher why my son was always picked up by his father; the teacher explained that I was a “daddy-mommy.” As I wrote this article, I learned that I’d missed the sign-up for the same child’s parent-teacher conference because I never got the email. My wife did, even though she barely interacts with the school.
I wish I could be surprised that this kind of confusion hasn’t gone away. I live just outside Kansas City, Missouri, in a rather progressive part of the Midwest where people tend to accept those who buck traditionally gendered roles. In 2021, the proportion of American fathers who were stay-at-home parents was 7 percent, up from 5 percent in 2020; dads account for 18 percent of all stay-at-home parents. Still, I’ve come to believe that a gradual increase in the number of stay-at-home dads alone won’t alter people’s perceptions. Two problems also need solving: policies that discourage men from being involved parents, and a cultural misunderstanding about men doing care work.
Let’s start with paternity leave. Denmark offers a year of paid leave that is split between a child’s parents. Swedish parents get 480 days of paid leave between them. These systems come with their own complications. But the American counterpart is paltry: The Family and Medical Leave Act provides only 12 weeks of unpaid time off, for mothers or fathers—and applies only to certain employees at certain companies. When new mothers aren’t even guaranteed paid time off from work after birth, it’s hard to imagine fathers taking time too—in some cases, they might need to provide the family’s only income while a mother recuperates and cares for a newborn. The result is that fathers, from the very start of a child’s life, tend to be seen as the secondary parent. This too often sends the message to new dads—and to other men—that child-rearing is not the father’s main job.
For a rich country like the U.S., these parental-leave policies are a travesty. However, paid time off at a child’s birth is the bare minimum required for fathers to be active in their kids’ lives. We also need to address society’s perception of what kind of labor can lead to a fulfilling life for men.
A vehicle for this could be some of the many caregiving fields that have a labor shortage. Richard Reeves, a nonresident senior fellow at the Brookings Institution, the author of Of Boys and Men, and the president of the American Institute for Boys and Men, has advocated for a “massive national effort to get men to move into jobs in the growing fields of health, education, administration, and literacy.” He argues that having more men in occupations like therapy, nursing, and teaching would not just fill jobs but provide a broader social good, by modeling that men can be caregivers. Reeves points out that federal funding has increased the number of women in STEM professions by providing grants, scholarships, and direct aid to women. The same funding could be provided to place men in fields such as nursing and teaching. The number of male nurses has increased by 59 percent over the past decade. But currently, only 12 percent of nurses are men, and 11 percent of elementary-school teachers are men.
To Reeves, there are real benefits to men when they are cared for or taught by other men. They may be more receptive to a male therapist, and thus more likely to get help, for instance. But doing care work rewards the giver, not just the receiver. Studies show that people who actively choose to provide care may experience a decrease in stress and a greater sense of social connectedness. Dads experience caregiving benefits in specific ways: One study found that when a group of fathers cradled their premature newborns against their bare chests for the first time, they experienced a decrease in both blood pressure and the stress hormone cortisol. In general, when men become fathers, their testosterone tends to decrease, a change that increases empathy while lessening aggression, writes Linda Nielsen, the author of Myths and Lies About Dads: How They Hurt Us All and a professor of adolescent and educational psychology at Wake Forest University. In short, it can be both psychologically and physiologically healthy for men to care for others.
My hope is that policy and societal changes will benefit all fathers in the long run, no matter the particular caregiving structure in their family. But for stay-at-home dads who might feel marooned or misunderstood in their experience now, the best recommendation I can offer is joining a dads’ group. These are locally organized small associations of fathers—and not just at-home ones—who might meet regularly for playdates with kids or hangouts without them. The groups are an ideal way for men to bond over their parenting experiences and mentor one another: My group and I discuss everything from automobile engines to potty training. I have been a member for my entire time as a father; the community has both cared for me and taught me how to care for others. When I was in the hospital with my wife for the birth of my youngest son, one of the fathers in my group took care of my older kids, while other dads brought food over for the next month. Just recently, we discussed strategies for teaching my 16-year-old son to drive, ahead of his upcoming test.
For all the chaos it created, the pandemic gave many fathers more unexpected family time, even if they weren’t full-time caregivers like me. It opened many fathers’ eyes to a new approach to parenting. But too many people still see men caring for others—be they one’s own kids or a wider community—as an implausible vocation. I’d like friends, extended family, and our kids’ teachers to recognize how fulfilling being a stay-at-home dad can be. And I’d like fathers to see that caregiving can be a joy for them, too.
I just want to be loved. I am not looking a submissive woman. I don’t have a list of requirements. Is that so hard for people playing these stupid politics to understand. If the lady don’t know how to cook, I will. I am looking for a relationship, not a servant or slave.
ShoeOnHead primarily produces rightwing dogwhistle content. Her videos are generally not welcome here.
EDIT: More info for those curious: rationalwiki.org/wiki/Shoe0nHeadTLDR is that she’s pretty explicitly an antifeminist and has been for as long as she’s been in the public eye (since gamergate).
There’s a large portion of the left that just absolutely loathes the idea that someone might not perfectly fall in line, and thus brands everyone who they disagree with as some right wing psyop
The video is not addressing the specific argument in the article. The main argument in the article is that the interest in tradwives is harming men’s ability to function in the real dating world. That seems plausible to me. There are probably not that many women who are into being tradwives so it’s an outrageous expectation to normalize.
The video doesn’t address that thesis at all. It’s making more of a libertarian argument: “tradwives aren’t hurting anyone so leave them alone.” But even if women should be allowed to be tradwives, that says nothing about whether men and other women are harmed by the promotion of these regressive gender norms. At one point, the video shows a ton of examples of men wishing violence on tradwife women, for e.g. not having dinner done on time. Somehow, this YouTuber still doesn’t see how promoting this view of a women’s place is harmful.
I haven’t really heard anything about her since gamergate, and the anti-SJW/feminist days in the 2010’s. I have seen her pop up twice in a week, both times in places where anti-SJW beliefs would not be welcome.
Are her views/take fairly shallow and easily swayed, has she matured as a person and changed her politics, or is she just an online creator following where the trends are for views?
Are her views/take fairly shallow and easily swayed, has she matured as a person and changed her politics, or is she just an online creator following where the trends are for views?
I don’t think there’s been any significant change in her content. Notable that the person posting the video was a fresh account and that was their first comment.
I continue to wash Shoe despite a few frustrations. She’s not easily swayed or stupid, but does have a uniquely liberal take on everything. That is to say, often telling people to be more permissive of right wing. She has matured, but its hardened her views into this weird, both sides, dogwhistle-y brand of opinions. And yet she continues to cover important topics, just… In a way that leaves more to be desired.
I’m drawing a compromise with the argument that she makes content that dogwhistles right wing talking points.
Leftism isnt an obligation, no, but we are on solarpunk. And Shoe has been pushed to the left before. I find her drawing this liberal line is one if the most important aspects to her content.
I’m drawing a compromise with the argument that she makes content that dogwhistles right wing talking points.
Compromise is only valuable when the positions the compromise seeks to find ground between are both equally honest positions. And calling her “right wing dogwhistle content” is anything but. It’s just a dishonest excuse to discredit her for not perfectly riding the approved narrative. And just to add onto it, the guy who posted the video was immediately banned for it. Compromise isn’t the goal it seems. It’s to throw out and discredit dissent.
Leftism isnt an obligation, no, but we are on solarpunk
No, we’re on lemmy.ca. Just because the mod is on solar punk, it doesn’t mean that the community is. And lemmy.ca makes no claims of being a leftist instance, just a Canadian one.
And calling her “right wing dogwhistle content” is anything but. It’s just a dishonest excuse to discredit her for not perfectly riding the approved narrative.
She’s been producing antifeminist content while calling herself a progressive for a very long time. I fail to see how that’s not right wing dog whistling that is largely incompatible with the goals of this community.
For how much you hate her, you are as hell haven’t leveled a single actual point against her other than generic shit talking. Surely you can actually point to specific issues, no?
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