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FlyingSquid

@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world

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FlyingSquid,
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Hey, the aliens want to communicate through a sarcastic misanthrope… well, I can’t say I’d blame them.

FlyingSquid,
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If I had three wishes, one of them would be to never need to use the bathroom again.

FlyingSquid,
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My daughter. Although she has a lot of issues and it has been a very hard road, she has made me a better person and a less angry person. She is definitely by far the best thing that ever happened to me. My biggest fear is outliving her.

FlyingSquid,
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I’m sure people will downvote me for this, but…

I remember my parents glued to the TV at the time and I, at 16, said, “who gives a shit? It’s just a football player.” And then there was the trial and my parents watched it every day and laughed at the Dancing Judge Itos on Leno and I said, “who gives a shit? It’s just a football player.” I mean yes, it’s a miscarriage of justice that he got let off when he was so obviously guilty, but that’s what happens when you can afford really expensive lawyers.

I have never understood why people are so obsessed with it. The only time I ever even think of it is when someone claims that “X is innocent because the court found him innocent” and I ask the person if that means OJ is innocent.

FlyingSquid,
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When I first moved to L.A., you needed a prescription card to buy weed. I had zero experience with edibles. I was going on a flight, and my friend, who had a card, asked me if I wanted an edible for the flight. I said, what the hell. He asked me what strength and I said “the strongest.”

First of all, once it kicked in, all I could say to my wife as she drove me to the airport was, “I’m so high.”

Then I was on a something like eight-hour flight high off my ass, unable to stretch out or move or even do much. And this was pre-smartphone days, so I couldn’t even relax and watch a movie.

Do not do really strong edibles and fly commercially in the 2000s is what I’m saying.

FlyingSquid,
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And think of the story the park rangers will be able to tell when they call in an ambulance because you were shitting outside and got bitten in the ass by a snake!

FlyingSquid,
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What happens if you take both the red pill and the blue pill at the same time?

FlyingSquid, (edited )
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Is the chipotle his human half?

FlyingSquid,
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A chicken can’t wear a G-string. Where do you stick the bills?

FlyingSquid,
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Slavery may have been abolished, but as politics proves, you can buy anyone in the United States.

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