thefartographer

@thefartographer@lemm.ee

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thefartographer,

That’s gotta be one diabetic fucking owl by now…

thefartographer,

Where they at?! I’ll take care of 'im! First, I’m gonna need to investigate your claims very thoroughly a number of times.

thefartographer,

No matter how many times I’ve watched this video, I still find the end mind-blowing

thefartographer,

Hemorrhage by Fuel

Leave love bleeding in my hands, in my hands again We all livin’ in my pants, in my pants oh yeah

thefartographer,

Yeah, from the diagram, I’d say it looks fucked.

thefartographer, (edited )

Yes, the allusion to “bear” is the giveaway. As for guinea pig, that’s a slang term from back home in the late '80s.

You see, I was born and grew up on the western side of urban Pennsylvania — back then, most of my time was spent hanging out at the local school’s playground. Frequently, we’d play basketball, except this one time that two hoodlums beat me up. My mom got so scared from this that she sent me out to California to live with her sister and brother-in-law.

thefartographer,

Why would you rub your eye off?

Also, Buc-ee’s ghost pepper jerky is my addiction.

thefartographer,

Only if you have an order with extra meat. The same problem goes for plumbers.

thefartographer,

Sorry, you seem to have lost the thread. We’re talking about scary things that happen movies, not current daily real-world issues which could really use our focus but we’re to involved in the media.

Focus on the media, join our ignorant dance.

thefartographer,

In simplest terms, statisticians are stereotypically known for wanting to simplify curves. So, if you see a plot graph of data and notice a cloud of points that appear to angle in a certain direction, statisticians will sometimes draw a line from the first average point to the last average point and say that line represents the data. So the joke is that statisticians throw out the individual data and say the average represents the real world, so three left and three right equals and average of a direct hit.

For the physicist, they’re known for representing everything as spheres to simplify their math and create approximate calculations. This means that back-of-the-envelope calculations will get you close but won’t be precise.

Mathematicians are said to only calculate for one variable at a time, in this case, trajectory without accounting for wind or air resistance. Mathematicians also often joke about using “dots in space.”

The overall joke is that these are three incredibly intelligent people abusing the most boiled down versions of their fields and failing terribly because they refuse to experience the world in anything other than numbers and figures.

I hope you are now able to enjoy the joke more, although I imagine it’s now more tedious than enjoyable.

thefartographer,

That’s another thing my mother and gangster rappers have in common! Aside from being incredibly concerned by my daily choices.

thefartographer,

How the fuck am I supposed to eat soup with all of these bent-ass spoons?!

thefartographer,

Swede caveman sailor 1: What that?

Swede caveman sailor 2: is land

Swede caveman sailor 1: ö

You’re welcome, I’ve made all of us dumber…

thefartographer,

Laowguh-hhhh

thefartographer,

I’m sorry, I can’t pay the bill… Maybe we can find some… other form of payment?

thefartographer,

Hey! That’s UNCLE daddy Sam to you! Now go apologize to Aunt Mommy-sister.

thefartographer,

It’s because “[insert grade level] Surprise” triggers PTSD in our school shooting survivors students.

thefartographer,

I was gonna tell you to be careful with that JIDF stuff cuz conspiracies lead to blah blah blah and then did a quick look on ecosia. Jesus Christ my people suck sometimes…

thefartographer, (edited )

I think I get what you were going for with that correction. Wanna know their government’s secret though, Cap? They’re always angry genocidal.

thefartographer,

Does Bajoran come before or after Brazilian? Hundreds, thousands, millions, billions, trillions, Bajorans, Brazilians, bajillions?

Is there even anything after a bajillion?

thefartographer,

The great thing that 95 hamsters and farting so much that you need 95 hamsters have in common is that visitors already know exactly what they’re in for based on the smell.

thefartographer,

Are you suggesting something like the tin cans with a string in the middle, but replacing the string with a hose. We’re gonna need some government subsidies on our farts because eventually one of us is going to overproduce and kill the other in a horrific explosion.

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