I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

gun,
@gun@lemmy.ml avatar

You are either camping with other people or are in some kind of military activity. You don’t want to poop because you are embarrassed of how it smells and the people you were with on a previous occasion gave you an extremely hard time over it. Did I guess right? Please, poop in a hole or something, whatever it takes

AgentOrangesicle,
@AgentOrangesicle@lemmy.world avatar

You left out fetish, phobia, paid orgy, trying to convince someone that you live on a diet of sunlight, and stranded in a submarine as potentials.

match,
@match@pawb.social avatar

enjoy your sex trip and I wish you happy bottoming! if you're not going to be doing too much physical labor during this time I recommend going full bottom mode: the week ahead of it start eating very lightly, initially a high fiber diet with added psyllium husk or metamucil. your body might be different but mine would say no dairy during this time. for the day before or even two, switch to a meatless and somewhat low fiber diet - ramen noodles is a classic, cookies, soup, other carbs. before you leave for the trip, clean out with an enema bulb (or store bought enemas if your ass is bougie or inexperienced). the combination of low fiber and low food throughput should keep you from having to poop and whatever poop is still in your tract will get largely removed by the enema.

while you're out at your fuck-tent, consume most of your calories from simple carbs as much as your body will handle so as to give your microbiome less to work with - applesauce is kinda nice, fruit snacks, white bread. eat like a twink!

remember to stay hydrated!! I know you're not trying to pee either but it's important to hydrate even if it means suffering whatever penalty your dom is giving you when you ask to be let out to pee

Linebeck,

lmaooooo

Leafimo,

the real LPT is always in the comments

JesusTheCarpenter,

This guy kinks

riktor,
@riktor@kbin.social avatar

This is the way

DoucheAsaurus,
@DoucheAsaurus@kbin.social avatar

while you're out at your fuck-tent

I'm dead holy shit 🤣

Very_Bad_Janet,

eat like a twink!

Is this why they call it the BRAT diet?

manifex,

Gimping: A Primer

yarr,
@yarr@lemmy.fmhy.ml avatar

Taking bets:

  • Participating in a competitive event where bathroom breaks are minimal or non-existent, such as a long-distance, multi-day gaming or eSports tournament.
  • Attending a religious or spiritual retreat where fasting or avoiding certain bodily functions is part of the practices or rituals.
  • Engaging in a survival challenge or a bet where the person has to limit food intake and avoid defecating for a certain period of time.
  • Undergoing a specific medical procedure or test that requires limiting food intake and avoiding bowel movements for a few days.
  • Participating in a scientific experiment or study where they have to control their diet and bowel movements.
  • Partaking in a performance art piece or protest where he's limiting his bodily functions as part of the statement.
  • Attending an event (like a music festival or convention) where bathroom facilities are notoriously unclean or inconvenient, and they want to avoid using them as much as possible.
  • Embarking on a long journey where bathroom facilities may not be readily available or convenient, such as a cross-country road trip or sailing expedition.
  • Participating in a reality TV show or film production where bathroom breaks are limited or inconvenient.
  • Engaging in a personal challenge or self-imposed discipline practice related to endurance or minimalism.
lowleveldata,
  • Just doing it for the sake of it because life is short

I'm betting on this one

666dollarfootlong,

My guess: Airsoft/paintball whatever MilSim operation.

Edit: OP is a sniper in said operation. Perhaps re-enactment of The killing of Osama Bin Laden?

Darorad,

I don't see bottoming on that list

mizu6079, (edited )
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

Okay I'll give in a tiny bit only because this barely narrows it down: one of them is ridiculously close to what is actually the case. Like, I'm actually doing the thing you mentioned in the point, just your reasoning is wrong.

P.S.: The actual reasoning is borderline impossible for anyone to guess so just stop trying guys.

rackmountrambo,

You can poop in the shipping container dude, what are the people shoulder to shoulder to you going to do? Leave?

LufyCZ,

Just for readability, these are the options with reasoning:

  • Attending an event (festivalor convention)
  • Long journey, such as a cross-country trip (probably this one, as OP mentioned walking+travelling by train)
  • Reality TV Show / film
Sleo,

He’s probably out on the Hajj, they travel to some of the key points by train. The bathroom facilities are not ideal and that’s why he is asking for ways to trim down his poop times.

LufyCZ,

But he said that he’d make the whole trip twice and that he’d be able to poop the second time

Sleo,

As part of the hajj, the entire community travels to various points in and around the city. One of the points that’s only for a few days is in Mina, which is basically a tent city outside the official boundaries of the city of Makkah. When they are in the tent (it’s a fancy tent, air conditioned but with zero privacy with 20 other guys), the bathrooms there are communal, which in turn are not the cleanest in the world. Most of them are the eastern squatty potty style. Let’s just say not going there for a poop seems very tempting. The counter to it is, most of the food there is free, and it is really good… So it’s a very delicate balance to say the least.

This is all speculation on my part, given the timing of it. For all we know it could be some weird kinky camping thing the guy is into!

firipu,

Is it a sex thing? Please don't let it be a sex thing.

redonyo,

So much of what we do is horrible now a days. It would be nice if it was just a sex thing

AgentOrangesicle,
@AgentOrangesicle@lemmy.world avatar

Damn, I thought you were just an Amazon employee.

Butane,
@Butane@lemmy.world avatar

You are donating your poop for fecal implants.

CoolBeance,
@CoolBeance@lemmy.world avatar

You're going to a Burning Man-style event and you don't want to poop on June 25th because it's Anne Frank's birthday and in your pursuit to become the true Hide & Seek Champion you think it would be best/hilarious to "Anne Frank" your poop for three days

eyy,

undefined> You’re going to a Burning Man-style event and you don’t want to poop on June 25th because it’s Anne Frank’s birthday and in your pursuit to become the true Hide & Seek Champion you think it would be best/hilarious to “Anne Frank” your poop for three days

Congratulations, you're the first person in the world to use that sentence.

L3s, (edited )
@L3s@lemmy.world avatar

One of those scenarios + poop shy around S/O, S/O family, or friends is my guess.

Edit: also, cheese, lots of cheese.

Edit2: is this the new "found a safe"?

JesusTheCarpenter,

Why would he not want to say the reason though? If that was the case, the OP could just say he is a shy pooper. Instead we now suspect that this is some kind of orgy with a fetish.

LufyCZ,

They said that facilities would be everywhere "as normal".

Also, they said they'd be taking travelling, the same route twice, first time around they can't poop, second time they can.

L3s,
@L3s@lemmy.world avatar

Not sure how this goes against my theory?

whyNotSquirrel,

yeah, other people could move after day 3, allowing them to fume the tent

MesaCoast,

Aha! You are joining the circus!!!

DontAskAboutUpdog,

I loled so hard at this I spill my beer.

Jrussell,

This is so fucking funny. It keeps reappearing in my all feed every day and reminding me.

andrr_464,

frrrrrr

Roggie,

first day on lemmy, and this is the shit i see right off the bat. I found my reddit replacement.

INeedMana,
@INeedMana@lemmy.world avatar

I think, the point is, that this is the shit no-one has seen. It’s still hidden inside OP. Lurking

greatwhitebuffalo41,
@greatwhitebuffalo41@slrpnk.net avatar

I was thinking, “is this the thing? The first thing all the reddit people get to see coming to Lemmy? Is this history???”

But seriously, WTF

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

I miscalculated. The poopless days begin tomorrow, not today. About 28 hours left.

Spidertax,

Are you trying to build up a giga shit, so you can clog your nemesis’s toilet?

Cloak,
@Cloak@lemmy.ml avatar

Thanks for the update

rockmeat,

will you keep us posted on how it's going?

headlesscyborg,
@headlesscyborg@lemmy.ml avatar

Since you added the hours left, the whole (not-)pooping thing sounds way more serious now. Damn, maybe if you added some countdown timer, I’d stop laughing.

Spoiler: I won’t

Badkid,

The forbidden poop saga continues...

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

Currently sitting on the toilet. Taking my last shit. 12 hours and 33 minutes left.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

It’s not working.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

Is this what giving birth feels like?

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

Help.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

I’m looking up at the ceiling, my mouth open in a silent scream of rage and desperation. Cords stand out on my neck as every neuron in my brain wills that stubborn piece of poop to pass through my hole. My phone is in my hand, playing this video on loop. Yet, the fecal brick resists. It is not showing any signs of giving in. However, I am determined to clear myself out before the three-day period starts. I am not giving up.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

I gave up. I forced it so hard it almost made me throw up. I’m going to bed.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

Attempt 2 at taking my last shit.

UPDATE: I failed again.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

UPDATE: I HAVE OFFICIALLY SHITTEN MY LAST SHIT!

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

The shitless period has begun.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

Day 1 of not shitting started 4 hours ago, but it’s time for the real journey to start. Goodbye my friends. Wish me luck.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

Day 1 is over. I have not shitten.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

Very bad situation can’t focus on grammar and stuff but i almost shat only forced myself not to becoz cant disappoint lemmings anyways bye now that’s the day two update

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

3 DAYS OVER I MADE IT LESGOO

evader_fateful,

It’s been 6 days since the original post. OP was 3 days out from the poopless leg of his trip. OP, I hope everything went according to plan!

Please update when back!

codyofficial,

Sort comments by new to see his latest update.

promitheas,
@promitheas@iusearchlinux.fyi avatar

Your last three posts are a roller coaster in wondering “What’s this guy up to?”. Thanks for the laughs

https://iusearchlinux.fyi/pictrs/image/808e9ced-05ef-4254-993c-7fd37452cd14.png

limecool,

It must be troll posts. No way this is real

highduc,

This is the kind of post we need around here :)

I suggest you do poop, your plan atm sounds cartoonishly stupid and likely to blow up in your face.

Do keep us posted though!

flambonkscious,

With photos, preferably...

demonmariner,
@demonmariner@lemmy.one avatar

Or blow up in someone's face.

Skooshjones,
@Skooshjones@vlemmy.net avatar

I'm here too, this feels like the beginning of a Lemmy legend :)

Good luck and stay safe!

SubArcticTundra,
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

3 days without pooping are perfectly doable. I’ve done it before when I was younger

eyy, (edited )

I don't have anything to add, I'm just planting my flag here so I can say I was here at the beginnings of lemmylore.

Here, have a cat picture as an offering:

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/0f514a9d-58ee-4397-89ea-39be645fb45f.png

wizard_cat,
@wizard_cat@kbin.social avatar

Same, this thread is legendary

PupBiru,
@PupBiru@kbin.social avatar

… omg “stickers” 😍

qjkxbmwvz,

I was there, Gandalf.gif

hungryphrog,

I was here 𓆏

wampastompa,
@wampastompa@social.fossware.space avatar

me too ⛳️

kraiden,

I wuz heer

theolodger,

The cat tax has been paid.

Crit_D,

I came to Lemmy as a substitute for Reddit, and I'm impressed at how little time it took to reach the high-quality posts that Reddit was known for.

zurohki,

Your comment made me put down my phone and laugh out loud until someone came and checked that I was alright.

Tgfgfc,

☝️🤓☝️

IverCoder,
@IverCoder@lemmy.ml avatar

I was here!

BingoBangoBongo,

High quality shit posts

hare_ware,

This, by definition, is not a shit post.

megane_kun,
@megane_kun@lemmy.world avatar

It's not just OPs strange and mysterious predicament that has made this thread epic, but also the genuine efforts of some of us to help OP in the midst of wild, off the wall, guessing.

And then there's the misplaced reply that ended up in the perfect place.

And I'm glad to have seen it first hand.

jeena,
@jeena@jemmy.jeena.net avatar

I think water fasting would do you the best. There was this guy in 1965 who fasted for over a year eating nothing but some vitamins prescribed by the doctors and drinking water coffe and tea en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angus_Barbieri's_fast

He apparently also only pooped every 2 months diabetes.co.uk/…/story-angus-barbieri-went-382-da…

Jackolantern,

This is one of those threads that’s going go be legendary is it? Like the eating their own foot on early Reddit

MaybeItWorks,

I’m honestly pretty sure I’ve read this on reddit and it’s a repost. Trying to remember which sub I read it on. This is not the first time in the past few weeks that I’ve read a person mysteriously trying to avoid pooping for a few days.

That’s a weird early Lemmy comment on my part.

SmokesForBreakfast,

Poop is always popular. Poop is universal. Poop is fun. We all poop. Poop is guaranteed engagement. While I don’t mind a poop post here and there, I sure hope we won’t bring all of those obviously fake posts from Reddit over here.

SojournerWeaver,

You’re doing a medical study for money and you don’t like to poop in public places. That’s my guess.

squirrel_bear,

OP, there’s help available if you have OCD.

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