I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

Bye,

So you are going to wear some kind of pants that you can’t take off easily for 3 days. Maybe some kind of medieval armor, or a fursuit.

Gatorade has tons of calories because of the sugar, and it will leave nothing to poop out. It will give you the critical electrolytes (plants crave them) that you’re missing from food. Take a multivitamin too.

But it doesn’t have enough calories, and you need stuff to go in your stomach so you don’t suffer being empty on your temporary Gatorade diet. eat white bread. Your body metabolizes almost all of it, so there’s almost nothing to poop out.

You will need to poop out all your poop before doing this, so good hydration and veggies beforehand will clean you out. No need for laxatives, just switch to your new and stupid diet 36 hours before you need to stop pooping.

Good luck on your medieval battle reënactment or orgy.

thesilencenoise,

If I could give this comment an award, I would.

FleaCatcher,

You can say "nice dick" you know, it counts.

tfpc,

Nice cock bro.

KrimsonBun,

I’m just gonna leave my mark here

Valmond,

I was there too!

theunfounded,

The only thing that makes sense to me is that they are flying, not checking a bag and therefore they are unable to bring their poop knife.

joshuaacasey,
@joshuaacasey@lemmy.world avatar

and there we have. a reddit meme has transcended reddit onto a higher plane of existence.

OMG_its_mustard,
@OMG_its_mustard@lemmy.fmhy.ml avatar

All I can think of is that OP is going to some kind of comic-con and has intricate body paint/an outfit that is so inconvenient to take on and off that they'd rather minimize their food and drinks for 3 days.

BoJack,
@BoJack@feddit.de avatar

I once survived 3 days without pooping at a festival. The secret was 15 liters of beer and ~ 9 cans of ravioli. But I peed A LOT.

Discoslugs,
@Discoslugs@lemmy.world avatar

9 cans of ravioli.

Ouch

Nommer,

No one wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli.

DovahFiST,

But I did, and I'm ashamed of myself.

Browning,

... Like a horse?

oldfart,

Larger amounts of beer have a laxative effect, at least on me. Hey Lemmy, who's the odd one, me or BoJack?

Sagittary,

Yeah but your friend Ricky will eat those 9 cans of ravioli before you know it

stilgar,
@stilgar@infosec.pub avatar

I’m imagining you shipping yourself in a crate to another country and wanting to avoid getting poo all over you 🤣

johnnysparrow,

Imodium

takeonme,

This entire thread is just… wow.

potato_pizzareca,
@potato_pizzareca@lemmy.world avatar

The type of shit (or lack thereof) that I came here to subscribe.

Raion1337,

I was here lmao. Starting to love lemmy

headlesscyborg,
@headlesscyborg@lemmy.ml avatar

You’re putting so much effort to avoid pooping… but you should put the same effort into making sure that once this whole thing is over, there’s a toilet you can sit on for a few hours without being interrupted. If I was you, I’d choose one in advance and call there for a reservation.

snek_boi,

My shitless friend will arrive at that toilet in pain for having held all that shit inside. While I support the idea of reserving a toilet as soon as possible, I hope they don’t sit on it for too long. We don’t want to add hemorrhoids to the list of pains 🥵

Nerrad,
@Nerrad@lemmy.world avatar

Good luck mailing yourself out of the country.

alexthesunking,

Honestly, If u dont want to poop and eat as little as possible i would consider fasting. If zero food is too intimidating - pack some nuts.

FVVS,
@FVVS@l.lucitt.com avatar

Has anybody considered OP may be getting railed by a giant schlong?

WhiskyTangoFoxtrot,

I would've thought that was obvious.

Padit,

I thought he was just a home pooper.

Dislodge3233,

3 days without eating will be hard. In case OP is interested, my anatomy only demand a couple hours of fasting.

macrocephalic,

The old double impacted colon!

thehatfox,
@thehatfox@lemmy.world avatar

This post is truly glorious, this should be the founding exhibit of the museum of Lemmy.

I am truly grateful to witness this moment.

In case OP is still with us, my advice would be anti diarrhoea medication, consume minimum liquids, avoid fibre, pack MREs which are often formulated to be a bit constipating. But above all, question why on earth you would be doing this in the first place!

lodion,
@lodion@aussie.zone avatar

https://aussie.zone/pictrs/image/5f11dac2-3539-4927-9b21-939f9d370713.jpeg

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