I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

Cinner,

I have the solution because I too have been in this exact situation, but you can't eat much or you'll be extremely uncomfortable.

The day before you go, drink a full bottle of magnesium citrate. This will cause liquid diarrhea and completely empty you out. This is used before Colonoscopies to give the doctor a clear view.

Then for the next 3 days eat very little while taking 3 immodium each day.

You're welcome.

thegiddystitcher,
@thegiddystitcher@lemm.ee avatar

Since OP is pulling a Gandalf and keeping his secrets, maybe you'd care to share how you found yourself in such a no-shit scenario?

Cinner,

I'm in solidarity with OP on this one.

jarredpickles87,
@jarredpickles87@lemmy.world avatar

Or liquidarity as it would seem.

lp0101,

Magnesium Citrate does not fuck around. I used it once when constipated and it cleared me out good.

I also barely slept that night and had to take the following day off work, because i absolutely could not stop shitting for almost 24 hours

Cinner,

What's sad is I've been so constipated before (1 1/2 - 2 weeks of no pooping) that I drank a bottle of mag cit. And took some ex lax. And drank some miralax. And that still didn't do much for a few days.

Blazingflames6073,
@Blazingflames6073@lemmy.world avatar

One of the more interesting posts I've seen here

Guy_Fieris_Hair,

Are you by chance trapped in a submarine near the Titanic?

iturnedintoanewt,

Aw crap we are going to need silly lemmy awards soon.

MargotRobbie,
@MargotRobbie@lemmy.world avatar

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/38056362-0f6c-49e2-bc4a-8477eaa8edf2.jpeg

whyNotSquirrel,

you definitely have something here and should get in touch with the devs !

imaqtpie,
@imaqtpie@sh.itjust.works avatar

https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/7ce10417-a187-4fc8-9a77-14dd7b2b9e6d.png

dom,

This hit me in the nostalgia

SubArcticTundra,
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

Please keep the awards this way

CookieMonster,
@CookieMonster@lemmy.world avatar

It all went downhill when they introduced actual silver. Probably earlier, but that's when the monetization spam started.

tebro,

I was concerned of the amount of users not being enough to generate content, but so far I have been proven wrong. And the quality of the content is much better. At least for now.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

Huh?

freeman,

Its an entertaining post and thread

adj16,

They’re ribbing you a little bit for making such a weird post. They were worried that fewer users on Lemmy would mean less interesting and unique posts, but here you are, making the most unusual content most of us have seen all day (or week).

someguy3,

The opposite of a shitpost.

adj16,

😆 nice one

tebro,

That wasn’t actually it 😂 I was replying to some other post and after the fact realized that something has gone weird as I suddenly saw this post title up top. Seems my comment deletion didn't quite take

adj16,

Oh lmao well it ended up being the perfect snarky response to such a wild post so just roll with it I guess!

imaqtpie,
@imaqtpie@sh.itjust.works avatar

Lmao I've seen this happen a few times before and I knew it would end up being hilarious at some point.

Congrats, you just got a lucky little bit of Lemmy history.

https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/273f293b-72b7-4ed6-a390-e4c72cb04061.webp

codRL,

I read about that happening to someone else earlier.

Your comment is still kinda perfect for this post though, haha!

Wander,
@Wander@yiffit.net avatar

I've actually gotten really good replies over a communities like !selfhosted

RomanRoy,
@RomanRoy@lemmy.world avatar

I mean, it really makes sense that self hosted communities grow strong in Lemmy, since it is self hosted.

That's why I'm pissed at the suckers at homelab

Mugmoor,
@Mugmoor@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Honestly /r/homelab is such a useless sub anyways. It's like /r/guitarpedals. Posts of the new gear people have bought, but have no clue how to use.

HobbitFoot,

This whole set of comments, no shit.

dipbeneaththelasers,

Mission accomplished

atwerp,

no shit

yes, that's the whole point, didn't you read the post?

livus,
@livus@kbin.social avatar

Literally. That is the objective.

tymon,

I have done two seven-day fasts and four three-day fasts. You'll want to prep with fasting practice and then watch your water intake to make sure you're not dehydrated.

I would pay $50 to know why the fuck you're doing this.

Kouran,

I was here when this post happened.

Aldo,

History in the making, baby!

OmegaZX,

Lemmy is good just because of this post

Tarkcanis,

The only real answer is Pemmican.

evilsmurf,

Humane pemmican?

Xylinna,
@Xylinna@lemmy.world avatar

I wonder if doing a colon cleanse beforehand help? Similar to what people do before a colonoscopy.

Also, it is an odd request but I’m now fully vested in your post to see what others suggest.

Caboose,

My thoughts as well.

238 g of Miralax mixed into 2 L of flavored sports drink. Drink all of it over the course of 24 hours at least 24 hours before the event.

Then immodium 2 mg twice daily to maintain a poop free existence.

Warning: this WILL work but also runs the risk of damaging your GI tract of maintained for too long.

zelifcam,
@zelifcam@lemmy.world avatar

There you go. Give the kid who doesn’t understand the basics of the human body advice on how to colon cleanse a day before the trip. I’m sure it will turn out just fine.

Dirty_Dan,

Can’t say I recommend it but if I were given this unique challenge I suppose I would try MREs. MRE meals are designed to have the nutrients needed for soldiers and not cause repeated bowl movements.

atlasraven31,

I can confirm. The peanut butter will seal up your butthole like super glue. Desert sand helps clog everything up.

Dazed_Confused,
@Dazed_Confused@lemmy.world avatar

And that's one reason why I hate sand...

evilsmurf,

Do they still have the little gum packets that open the pipes back up?

MiddleWeigh,
@MiddleWeigh@lemmy.world avatar

If you don't wanna partake in illegals ie opioids, you can give immodium a shot. It's anti diarrhea stuff. Just take more than it says lol it will def stop you up. I would also just eat bare minimum. Trail mix or smth. Also drink less water.

ja2,
@ja2@lemmy.world avatar

I used to take immodium for multi-day concerts where I expected to be drinking a lot of beer. Last time I did so, it worked so well that I didn't shit for two weeks and stopped being able to sleep. Had to get to the doctor for a powerful laxative cocktail that really messed up my guts for another two weeks during which I still could barely sleep for different reasons. I'm not getting that month back.

Maajmaaj,
@Maajmaaj@lemmy.ca avatar

Lemmy finally feels like home now. 😂😂

mustardman,

This is the first Lemmy Moment

dart,

OP, the answer is obviously to starve yourself and use a buttplug

ikidd,
@ikidd@lemmy.world avatar

I regularly do this on backpacking trips.

Don't ask me how, I don't even know. I call it Camping Constipation Mode. I usually leave on a Thursday afternoon and get home Sunday night without feeling the urge to shit. And I eat as normally as you can when backpacking, I guess. Seems like most of the dehy food should make you thread a needle at 10 paces but doesn't seem to affect me that way.

agamemnonymous,

Yes! Whenever I go camping, my body just figures it out for days.

SuperNerd,

NASA has a paper on how to not poop for days. It’s on the Internet. Before space toilets there was only a space bag with finger scissor/scoop holes. It didn’t work, poop got everywhere. The paper goes into detail about fecal matter being everywhere after early multi-day missions.

So they figured it out. Their system works – I’ve also had my own reasons.

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