I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

ikidd,
@ikidd@lemmy.world avatar

I regularly do this on backpacking trips.

Don't ask me how, I don't even know. I call it Camping Constipation Mode. I usually leave on a Thursday afternoon and get home Sunday night without feeling the urge to shit. And I eat as normally as you can when backpacking, I guess. Seems like most of the dehy food should make you thread a needle at 10 paces but doesn't seem to affect me that way.

agamemnonymous,

Yes! Whenever I go camping, my body just figures it out for days.

RomanRoy,
@RomanRoy@lemmy.world avatar

I wonder how he will behave as soon as the first thing the date does in the tent is, unceremoniously, going for a poop.

skiguy0123,

Give birth right before your trip

nicman24,

this is it. this is the critical point of quality the fediverse needed

TheDudeV2,

Get your bowels empty in the days leading up to it. So don’t eat. Anything. 2 days before you can relieve yourself start eating small amounts of protein.

Or, better yet, don’t even try to do this. You’re very unlikely to succeed and therefore your effort is going into preventing an inevitable situation rather than figuring out how to deal with the inevitable problem once it arrives.

macrocephalic,

I have a friend who was in the army and said they had to do 100+km training hikes. No one wanted to have to stop to poo so the first thing they did, before even starting, was to eat the block of cheese from their ration packs. They called it plug cheese.

skrttskrtt911,

This post is gold. To parrot a couple others, anti-diarrhea medicine always locks me up for a day or two

bigkahuna1986,

I just want to be a part of this history. Also maybe like protein shakes?

JWBananas,
@JWBananas@kbin.social avatar

Good luck winning that car!

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

If i was gonna be on a Mr Beast video i would've probably spent some money on an actual specialist

JWBananas,
@JWBananas@kbin.social avatar

I have no idea what you're talking about

airportline,
@airportline@lemmy.world avatar

Famous YouTube star and Satan worshiper.

Boozilla,
@Boozilla@lemmy.world avatar

Hard boiled eggs. Astronauts love them because they are almost completely absorbed and pooping in space is a hassle.

bernieecclestoned,

TIL

CoolBeance,
@CoolBeance@lemmy.world avatar

Oh god. I never thought I would imagine a "floater" as anything more than poop in a pool

synima,

Leaving a comment to be part of Lemmy history.

Ladha979,

Just take the dildo out for 5 minutes man, it's no big deal

Trent,

That was my thought. “I bet there’s a buttplug involved…”

Also posting to be part of history. 😁

MegaUltraChicken,

Honestly "butt plug" seems like the solution here.

DePingus,
@DePingus@lemmy.ml avatar

Chess champion in the making?

JWBananas,
@JWBananas@kbin.social avatar

You're gonna need a bigger knife

dart,

OP, the answer is obviously to starve yourself and use a buttplug

FVVS,
@FVVS@l.lucitt.com avatar

Has anybody considered OP may be getting railed by a giant schlong?

WhiskyTangoFoxtrot,

I would've thought that was obvious.

Padit,

I thought he was just a home pooper.

Dislodge3233,

3 days without eating will be hard. In case OP is interested, my anatomy only demand a couple hours of fasting.

macrocephalic,

The old double impacted colon!

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