I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

eggnog,

what the fuck. i need an update post

nihilomaster,

Just don’t eat anything. For three days you should be fine. If your stomach hurts just drink water.

palarith,

It’s called a low residue diet badgut.org/…/low-residue-diet/

SubArcticTundra,
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

You could try surviving on Soylent or an equivalent. It’s the nutrients you need to stay alive and operating normally stripped down to the bare minimum (so less material for you to have to poop). It might be diluted in water but that could be minimised and that small amount would probably leave you though sweat/breath anyway.

eyy,

But what is it made of?

SubArcticTundra,
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

Iirc, oats and pea protein, plus some micronutrients

DrWeevilJammer,

For those not aware that this is a movie reference, check out the 1970s Charlton Heston movie "Soylent Green".

scrof,
@scrof@lemmy.world avatar

Canned tuna. It's very dry and almost all protein so most of it gets absorbed by the body and you'll be pooping neat little bricks.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

The thing is... I can't poop at all. Bricks won't work either.

TheShane,

Vitamins, electrolyte drinks, maybe pudding cups that won't upset your stomach...

scrof,
@scrof@lemmy.world avatar

Then don't pack food, get some vitamins, you won't die. It's physically impossible I think not to poop if you eat anything at all and I wouldn't recommend forcing a constipation as it can cause you more harm than it's worth.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

This is kind of a group thing and I'm the only one not allowed to poop for personal reasons. They'll be expecting me to eat food that's at least somewhat normal.

match,
@match@pawb.social avatar

damn dude, how many guys are you going with 👀

MudSkipperKisser,

Well this got even more interesting

MudSkipperKisser,

Well this got even more interesting

oxideSeven,
@oxideSeven@lemmy.fmhy.ml avatar

Dude. At this point, just explain. No one knows you on here. This is ridiculous.

Trebach,

The canned tuna at the store here is packed in salt water so I have to drain it before eating.

TheShane,

Like a Wombat!

cyshield,

That post made me so sad. Because I know I will never find out why you need this ☹️

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

I mean... If we know each other irl but can't tell because if internet anonymity you might already know..

groggy,

I was here when the no-shit post jump started the popularity of this platform. My children will be so proud

thehatfox,
@thehatfox@lemmy.world avatar

This post is truly glorious, this should be the founding exhibit of the museum of Lemmy.

I am truly grateful to witness this moment.

In case OP is still with us, my advice would be anti diarrhoea medication, consume minimum liquids, avoid fibre, pack MREs which are often formulated to be a bit constipating. But above all, question why on earth you would be doing this in the first place!

headlesscyborg,
@headlesscyborg@lemmy.ml avatar

You’re putting so much effort to avoid pooping… but you should put the same effort into making sure that once this whole thing is over, there’s a toilet you can sit on for a few hours without being interrupted. If I was you, I’d choose one in advance and call there for a reservation.

snek_boi,

My shitless friend will arrive at that toilet in pain for having held all that shit inside. While I support the idea of reserving a toilet as soon as possible, I hope they don’t sit on it for too long. We don’t want to add hemorrhoids to the list of pains 🥵

dRLY,
@dRLY@lemmy.ml avatar

This is the most upvotes I have seen on Lemmy so far! We gotta get this over 1k at least!

Pulptastic,

The best thing you can eat is nothing. Take a 3 day water only fast. Maybe 4 days, start before your trip to get out all the poop ahead of time.

thiccdiccnicc,
@thiccdiccnicc@sh.itjust.works avatar

Op is gonna meet their stinky penpal in person and wants to save a special gift for when they get together, how romantic 😍

lewosadebu,

Not sure if this is a troll post...

But in case not, in my experience black chocolate and banana helps in these kind of situations...

And don't drink apple or grape juice, or the opposite will happen 🙃

indomara,

This whole thread is hilarious, especially because I regularly go 5-7 days. Longer if I am traveling. I even take fiber!

I recently had to do the bowel screen and because I go so long between samples I had to get special forms and submit each sample individually, lol.

lewosadebu,

Hey anything from once a week to three days a day is "normal" 😉

Gwyntale,

Have you ever considered how much of your body weight at any given time is poop?

indomara,

No, but I did once read that the length of human intestines can vary anywhere from 3-7 meters, so it stands to reason that some people are just slower to process things.

eyy,

This whole thread is hilarious, especially because I regularly go 5-7 days. Longer if I am traveling. I even take fiber!

That sounds unlikely, you must be full of shit.

If it's true, well... you must be full of shit.

baseless_discourse,

It depends on the diet, I grow up with a diet that is high on oil, chilli, and veggie, I had no problem pooping everyday.

Then I went to college, the only veggies I can find are overcooked broccoli or cold iceberg lettuce. I can easily go a week without pooping, since my digestive system is just not used to these kind of diet.

Obviously it is extremely uncomfortable to go weeks without pooping. I would prefer to poop like normal, but I cannot find the diet I am used to in college.

oxideSeven,
@oxideSeven@lemmy.fmhy.ml avatar

Eat a full MRE the day before. Good luck ever pooping again.

CoolRhino,

Honestly, the edits didn’t clarify much. I’m nearly as confused by this whole situation as I was the first time I read the post

BuddhaBeettle,
@BuddhaBeettle@kbin.social avatar

Reading the edits, I just think OP is poop-shy and its either scared/ grossed out to poop on a camping trip, or has to use one of them "hole in the floor" toilets. At the end of the day, If OPs life is not on the line (which it doesn't sound as), its better to endure the poop than to endure whatever digestive torture they are about to inflict on themselves, but thats my opinion.

If it were something demanding like expedition to the everest they probably would have someone professional preparing them nad telling them what to and what not to eat.

Zinx,

I'm here for whatever this ends up being

withersailor,

In poop.

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