I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

boopeditandnow,
@boopeditandnow@sh.itjust.works avatar

Is the goal to keep the poop inside your body? If it's allowed to come out and play, you could blend it with gatorade and consume it as soon as possible to minimize time spent outdoors.

atlasraven31,

(shakes head) that boy ain't right

Etnies419,

I was here for... Whatever this is...

Phantom_Engineer,
@Phantom_Engineer@lemmy.ml avatar

My only advice would be to have a back up plan. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail, and there’s no guarantee you won’t get an unpleasant surprise. You say you’ll use the toilet if you’re about to shit yourself, but what if you can’t make it and do end up shitting yourself because you put it off so long?

KittenBiscuits,

OP is literally asking us the most efficient way to get backed up. What other backup plan could they need?

OP, can you get hold of any stimulant appetite suppressants? They'll pull double doody for you. You'll eat less and be constipated.

Dave_r,

Cheese.

StarkillerX42,

Brie for the first day, then Camembert for the nicely aged flavor. Smell isn’t an issue, right?!?

techtask,

MREs. Particularly US MREs. You can eat em as much as you want and you won't have to go for a week.

Fear the end of the week, however

whenlifegivesyoureddit,

Glad I wasn't the only one to think ration packs. UK ones used to have similar effects

CanadaPlus, (edited )

Especially if you don't rehydrate them properly. That's where the reputation comes from at least partly.

Edit: Or so I hear.

sethboy66,

What US MRE requires rehydration? Retort pouches are universally used to carry wet rations, I thought the only hydration needed was for drink mixes like instant coffee and drink mixes.

CanadaPlus,

I'm actually just repeating what I've heard. I'll add a disclaimer.

That surprises me, though. It must add a lot of weight. The Canadian ones have dehydrated or partly dehydrated components.

MajorMajormajormajor,

1 word: pancakes. Nature's cork.

assclapcalamity,

okeydokey for the weirdo who doesn't shit from eating flour, eggs and milk. maybe you should drink more water?

unomas,

pancakes. Nature’s cork.

Nobody's ever said that before.

MajorMajormajormajor,

You obviously haven't rolled a pancake up into a cylinder and give it the tappy tap up the ol' poop chute eh? You're missing out.

homesnatch,

Intense scribbling.. With or without the maple syrup?

MajorMajormajormajor,

Without, do you want ants? That is how you get ants.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@vlemmy.net avatar

Update because I still get one or two comments in my inbox daily asking me about this thing.

Yes, I did succeed.

No, I’m not telling anyone what all of this was about.

I got constipated after the thing was over and made a post asking for help.

The promised picture of my porcelain throne: https://vlemmy.net/pictrs/image/a4c98c35-2653-4af6-921e-ffd7cae33035.webp

codyofficial,

You’re a lemmy legend.

Albinoss,

Lemgend.

Wirrvogel,

I was here witnessing lemmy history being made and I will probably die of curiosity if we do not get an update. I do not have any tips. I just hope that you come back safe and sound.

JoeTheSane,

I’m so happy I’m here!

Smoogs,

It’s ok. He/she/them will understand that people do poop. They aren’t worth it if they can’t Accept this

vriska,
@vriska@l.60228.dev avatar

8/10 with rice

MiddleWeigh,
@MiddleWeigh@lemmy.world avatar

If you don't wanna partake in illegals ie opioids, you can give immodium a shot. It's anti diarrhea stuff. Just take more than it says lol it will def stop you up. I would also just eat bare minimum. Trail mix or smth. Also drink less water.

ja2,
@ja2@lemmy.world avatar

I used to take immodium for multi-day concerts where I expected to be drinking a lot of beer. Last time I did so, it worked so well that I didn't shit for two weeks and stopped being able to sleep. Had to get to the doctor for a powerful laxative cocktail that really messed up my guts for another two weeks during which I still could barely sleep for different reasons. I'm not getting that month back.

CAPSLOCKFTW,

NOSHITGANG

assassinatedbyCIA,

The important first step is preparation. You need to clean the pipes. There should be nothing left inside you before you commence on the trip. So take some laxatives and do some cleaning. After you’re thoroughly pristine you must only consume a clear liquid diet, so clear juices and soft drinks (make sure you consume the full sugar version because that’s how you’ll get your energy). Take a multivitamin each day. On the second or third day take an Imodium, this is likely overkill but you won’t poop. Return to a normal diet on the third day but do so gradually over the course of a day or two. I cannot guarantee that this method will not damage your health and the risk will likely be greater if you have other health conditions, but you wont poop sooo.

Xylinna,
@Xylinna@lemmy.world avatar

I wonder if doing a colon cleanse beforehand help? Similar to what people do before a colonoscopy.

Also, it is an odd request but I’m now fully vested in your post to see what others suggest.

Caboose,

My thoughts as well.

238 g of Miralax mixed into 2 L of flavored sports drink. Drink all of it over the course of 24 hours at least 24 hours before the event.

Then immodium 2 mg twice daily to maintain a poop free existence.

Warning: this WILL work but also runs the risk of damaging your GI tract of maintained for too long.

zelifcam,
@zelifcam@lemmy.world avatar

There you go. Give the kid who doesn’t understand the basics of the human body advice on how to colon cleanse a day before the trip. I’m sure it will turn out just fine.

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