I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

skiguy0123,

Give birth right before your trip

TheAnonymouseJoker,
@TheAnonymouseJoker@lemmy.ml avatar

I would recommend passing your time by letting out the poop and taking it back in. That is all the finest advice I can provide you for this fasting endeavour.

ergifruit,

as someone with IBS, cold/frozen liquids are the way to go... pun fully intended. it might be a bit difficult to keep things cool, but frozen sports drinks and the like are good for keeping you going. it's really unhealthy, and i absolutely can't recommend it, but it should work. you get a lot of your water intake from food, too, so if it's not getting any of that, the water you ingest from liquids/frozen liquids is gonna get sucked up by your large intestine and, in theory, you'll need the toilet less. good luck with, uh. your thing.

Yoldark,

Get some mana or soilent, stuff like that.

You need to eat it before your journey as your bowels need to adapt, once it is good you will have one poop per week as there is not a lot of fibers in it.

It is cheap also. You got everything you need to be well.

brainschaden,

I was here for this glorious moment, we have to solve the puzzle and guess why he is doing this

LUHG_HANI,
@LUHG_HANI@lemmy.world avatar

Don't drink coffee then.

DarthRedLeader,

Tbf, there's a difference between knowing instinctively that someone poops and being first-hand witness to the godawful stench of post-chipotle bowel movement in an area with poor air circulation (AC aside).

Crush is definitely involved though.

Cinner,

I have the solution because I too have been in this exact situation, but you can't eat much or you'll be extremely uncomfortable.

The day before you go, drink a full bottle of magnesium citrate. This will cause liquid diarrhea and completely empty you out. This is used before Colonoscopies to give the doctor a clear view.

Then for the next 3 days eat very little while taking 3 immodium each day.

You're welcome.

thegiddystitcher,
@thegiddystitcher@lemm.ee avatar

Since OP is pulling a Gandalf and keeping his secrets, maybe you'd care to share how you found yourself in such a no-shit scenario?

Cinner,

I'm in solidarity with OP on this one.

jarredpickles87,
@jarredpickles87@lemmy.world avatar

Or liquidarity as it would seem.

lp0101,

Magnesium Citrate does not fuck around. I used it once when constipated and it cleared me out good.

I also barely slept that night and had to take the following day off work, because i absolutely could not stop shitting for almost 24 hours

Cinner,

What's sad is I've been so constipated before (1 1/2 - 2 weeks of no pooping) that I drank a bottle of mag cit. And took some ex lax. And drank some miralax. And that still didn't do much for a few days.

Etnies419,

I was here for... Whatever this is...

nepatriots32,
@nepatriots32@lemmy.world avatar

I recommend eating a lot of cheese and absolutely NO fiber. Not sure if it will make you sweat less, but I'm pretty sure if I ate only cheese for 3 days, it wouldn't be too hard to wait till the end of it to poop. In fact, I may need some help at that point... maybe you should eat some fiber like a couple hours before you do plan on trying to poop, and also drink lots of water at that point, too. I personally find cheese very "helpful" in getting myself constipated, and fiber + water to be a great way to smoothen the pooping process.

6fn, (edited )
@6fn@kbin.social avatar

To share the wisdom of Weird Al Yankovic on this topic:

This cheese 'round the clock
is getting me blocked

nepatriots32,
@nepatriots32@lemmy.world avatar

And if we can't trust Weird AL for advice, then who can we trust?

LollerCorleone,
@LollerCorleone@kbin.social avatar

This post is going straight to the fediverse hall of fame!

diffaldo,

try OMAD and drink sugary drinks while in your journey. Godspeed!

StoicLime,
@StoicLime@lemmy.world avatar

We finally got shitposting on Lemmy, lessfgo!

eyy,

shitposting

C'mon read the whole thing man, its a no-shit post.

taladar,

No shit, Sherlock.

Snuzii,

I guess try taking some OTC medicine for diarrhea, should make you constipated.

Harpa,

I don't even want to know the answer because it'll be less entertaining than lemmy's collective imagination.

As for the question: I think your biggest problem is going to be inducing a proper clearout shortly before you go on your trip. Maybe laxatives?

Edit: I just realized, is the reason you don't want to go despite having toiles available stuff like hemorrhoids or an anal fissure? Because if so, there are creams for that my friend.

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