I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

Dirty_Dan,

Can’t say I recommend it but if I were given this unique challenge I suppose I would try MREs. MRE meals are designed to have the nutrients needed for soldiers and not cause repeated bowl movements.

atlasraven31,

I can confirm. The peanut butter will seal up your butthole like super glue. Desert sand helps clog everything up.

Dazed_Confused,
@Dazed_Confused@lemmy.world avatar

And that's one reason why I hate sand...

evilsmurf,

Do they still have the little gum packets that open the pipes back up?

brav0zulu,
@brav0zulu@midwest.social avatar

I didn’t see this answer, so sorry if it’s been said, but just don’t eat. It’s three days, after all. Incidentally I’ve read that if you ate solely what your body needed to survive, it would take 20-40 days to even build up enough waste to have to poop.

Wreckronomicon,

This might cause a different problem...runny shit and then they'll have no choice but to poop.

Stalinwolf,
@Stalinwolf@lemmy.ca avatar

Holy shit. Alright, so naturally I have to ask if it's possible to eat just what you need to survive and still remain somewhat healthy. Or are you slowly withering at this point? What's the middle-ground here? How long can a person survive on just the bare minimum before their body becomes too weak?

Crackhappy,
@Crackhappy@lemmy.world avatar

This is absolutely correct. You can survive just fine for three days with no food. You'll be tired and cranky but alive.

AlmightySnoo,
@AlmightySnoo@lemmy.world avatar

Just keep pushing it back inside when it tries to come out.

nx2,

Premium comment.

moreeni,

Why push it? You can just glue your ass, think smarter, not harder

ATiredPhilosopher,

Brother/sister/sibling, please just poop.

boopeditandnow,
@boopeditandnow@sh.itjust.works avatar

Is the goal to keep the poop inside your body? If it's allowed to come out and play, you could blend it with gatorade and consume it as soon as possible to minimize time spent outdoors.

atlasraven31,

(shakes head) that boy ain't right

Sooperstition,

Everything about this is fantastic. This level of shitposting is exactly what the fediverse needs

ethane,

This level of shitposting? So... no-shit posting?

Xylinna,
@Xylinna@lemmy.world avatar

I wonder if doing a colon cleanse beforehand help? Similar to what people do before a colonoscopy.

Also, it is an odd request but I’m now fully vested in your post to see what others suggest.

Caboose,

My thoughts as well.

238 g of Miralax mixed into 2 L of flavored sports drink. Drink all of it over the course of 24 hours at least 24 hours before the event.

Then immodium 2 mg twice daily to maintain a poop free existence.

Warning: this WILL work but also runs the risk of damaging your GI tract of maintained for too long.

zelifcam,
@zelifcam@lemmy.world avatar

There you go. Give the kid who doesn’t understand the basics of the human body advice on how to colon cleanse a day before the trip. I’m sure it will turn out just fine.

Biff,
@Biff@lemmy.world avatar

This is like some bizzaro 90's sitcom. "Quick, I need your help to not poop for 3 days! No time to explain!"

seppoenarvi,

Imodium

dekatron,

Guess you're visiting the Titanic shipwreck in a submarine...

oxideSeven,
@oxideSeven@lemmy.fmhy.ml avatar

Eat a full MRE the day before. Good luck ever pooping again.

thiccdiccnicc,
@thiccdiccnicc@sh.itjust.works avatar

Op is gonna meet their stinky penpal in person and wants to save a special gift for when they get together, how romantic 😍

eduardm,

Whatever you do, DON'T visit fecalfunny.com

666dollarfootlong,

My guess: Airsoft or paintball MilSim (Military-Simulation) operation. OP is a sniper. There is an ambush. Long-shot: re-enactment of The killing of Osama Bin Laden. OP's crush is there. OP's butthole is sore, so they want a few days of no toilets to allow their bottom to heal.

jerkface,
@jerkface@lemmy.ca avatar

If it's important you can easily just not eat for three days. Otherwise, there's nothing you can eat that will be safe and prevent you from pooping.

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