I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

Daftman,

Could you give us an update after your.... endeavours... how it went?

nani,

Eat Domino's pizza. It gives me constipation everytime I eat it.

yardy_sardley,

OP doesn't want his crush knowing that he poops. Simple as.

Sentrovasi,

All the best; I did something like this before, although not on purpose, eating light and low fiber. When I finally pooped my poop had layers. Please don't make a habit out of it.

nicman24,

this is it. this is the critical point of quality the fediverse needed

eggnog,

what the fuck. i need an update post

k_o_t, (edited )
@k_o_t@lemmy.ml avatar

easy, just go on a fast (eat nothing, can drink water and zero cal energy drinks) and/or very low cal keto (avocados), take vitamin and electrolyte supplements

Dazed_Confused, (edited )
@Dazed_Confused@lemmy.world avatar

This could be a setting in a Stephen King novel. They usually don't end well.

I am really curious about the situation, but all I've to say is be safe and update us.

Harpa,

I don't even want to know the answer because it'll be less entertaining than lemmy's collective imagination.

As for the question: I think your biggest problem is going to be inducing a proper clearout shortly before you go on your trip. Maybe laxatives?

Edit: I just realized, is the reason you don't want to go despite having toiles available stuff like hemorrhoids or an anal fissure? Because if so, there are creams for that my friend.

Snuzii,

I guess try taking some OTC medicine for diarrhea, should make you constipated.

StoicLime,
@StoicLime@lemmy.world avatar

We finally got shitposting on Lemmy, lessfgo!

eyy,

shitposting

C'mon read the whole thing man, its a no-shit post.

taladar,

No shit, Sherlock.

diffaldo,

try OMAD and drink sugary drinks while in your journey. Godspeed!

LollerCorleone,
@LollerCorleone@kbin.social avatar

This post is going straight to the fediverse hall of fame!

nepatriots32,
@nepatriots32@lemmy.world avatar

I recommend eating a lot of cheese and absolutely NO fiber. Not sure if it will make you sweat less, but I'm pretty sure if I ate only cheese for 3 days, it wouldn't be too hard to wait till the end of it to poop. In fact, I may need some help at that point... maybe you should eat some fiber like a couple hours before you do plan on trying to poop, and also drink lots of water at that point, too. I personally find cheese very "helpful" in getting myself constipated, and fiber + water to be a great way to smoothen the pooping process.

6fn, (edited )
@6fn@kbin.social avatar

To share the wisdom of Weird Al Yankovic on this topic:

This cheese 'round the clock
is getting me blocked

nepatriots32,
@nepatriots32@lemmy.world avatar

And if we can't trust Weird AL for advice, then who can we trust?

Etnies419,

I was here for... Whatever this is...

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