I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

Cinner,

I have the solution because I too have been in this exact situation, but you can't eat much or you'll be extremely uncomfortable.

The day before you go, drink a full bottle of magnesium citrate. This will cause liquid diarrhea and completely empty you out. This is used before Colonoscopies to give the doctor a clear view.

Then for the next 3 days eat very little while taking 3 immodium each day.

You're welcome.

thegiddystitcher,
@thegiddystitcher@lemm.ee avatar

Since OP is pulling a Gandalf and keeping his secrets, maybe you'd care to share how you found yourself in such a no-shit scenario?

Cinner,

I'm in solidarity with OP on this one.

jarredpickles87,
@jarredpickles87@lemmy.world avatar

Or liquidarity as it would seem.

lp0101,

Magnesium Citrate does not fuck around. I used it once when constipated and it cleared me out good.

I also barely slept that night and had to take the following day off work, because i absolutely could not stop shitting for almost 24 hours

Cinner,

What's sad is I've been so constipated before (1 1/2 - 2 weeks of no pooping) that I drank a bottle of mag cit. And took some ex lax. And drank some miralax. And that still didn't do much for a few days.

DarthRedLeader,

Tbf, there's a difference between knowing instinctively that someone poops and being first-hand witness to the godawful stench of post-chipotle bowel movement in an area with poor air circulation (AC aside).

Crush is definitely involved though.

LUHG_HANI,
@LUHG_HANI@lemmy.world avatar

Don't drink coffee then.

brainschaden,

I was here for this glorious moment, we have to solve the puzzle and guess why he is doing this

Yoldark,

Get some mana or soilent, stuff like that.

You need to eat it before your journey as your bowels need to adapt, once it is good you will have one poop per week as there is not a lot of fibers in it.

It is cheap also. You got everything you need to be well.

ergifruit,

as someone with IBS, cold/frozen liquids are the way to go... pun fully intended. it might be a bit difficult to keep things cool, but frozen sports drinks and the like are good for keeping you going. it's really unhealthy, and i absolutely can't recommend it, but it should work. you get a lot of your water intake from food, too, so if it's not getting any of that, the water you ingest from liquids/frozen liquids is gonna get sucked up by your large intestine and, in theory, you'll need the toilet less. good luck with, uh. your thing.

TheAnonymouseJoker,
@TheAnonymouseJoker@lemmy.ml avatar

I would recommend passing your time by letting out the poop and taking it back in. That is all the finest advice I can provide you for this fasting endeavour.

skiguy0123,

Give birth right before your trip

jerkface,
@jerkface@lemmy.ca avatar

If it's important you can easily just not eat for three days. Otherwise, there's nothing you can eat that will be safe and prevent you from pooping.

666dollarfootlong,

My guess: Airsoft or paintball MilSim (Military-Simulation) operation. OP is a sniper. There is an ambush. Long-shot: re-enactment of The killing of Osama Bin Laden. OP's crush is there. OP's butthole is sore, so they want a few days of no toilets to allow their bottom to heal.

eduardm,

Whatever you do, DON'T visit fecalfunny.com

thiccdiccnicc,
@thiccdiccnicc@sh.itjust.works avatar

Op is gonna meet their stinky penpal in person and wants to save a special gift for when they get together, how romantic 😍

oxideSeven,
@oxideSeven@lemmy.fmhy.ml avatar

Eat a full MRE the day before. Good luck ever pooping again.

dekatron,

Guess you're visiting the Titanic shipwreck in a submarine...

seppoenarvi,

Imodium

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