I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

Biff,
@Biff@lemmy.world avatar

This is like some bizzaro 90's sitcom. "Quick, I need your help to not poop for 3 days! No time to explain!"

Xylinna,
@Xylinna@lemmy.world avatar

I wonder if doing a colon cleanse beforehand help? Similar to what people do before a colonoscopy.

Also, it is an odd request but I’m now fully vested in your post to see what others suggest.

Caboose,

My thoughts as well.

238 g of Miralax mixed into 2 L of flavored sports drink. Drink all of it over the course of 24 hours at least 24 hours before the event.

Then immodium 2 mg twice daily to maintain a poop free existence.

Warning: this WILL work but also runs the risk of damaging your GI tract of maintained for too long.

zelifcam,
@zelifcam@lemmy.world avatar

There you go. Give the kid who doesn’t understand the basics of the human body advice on how to colon cleanse a day before the trip. I’m sure it will turn out just fine.

Sooperstition,

Everything about this is fantastic. This level of shitposting is exactly what the fediverse needs

ethane,

This level of shitposting? So... no-shit posting?

boopeditandnow,
@boopeditandnow@sh.itjust.works avatar

Is the goal to keep the poop inside your body? If it's allowed to come out and play, you could blend it with gatorade and consume it as soon as possible to minimize time spent outdoors.

atlasraven31,

(shakes head) that boy ain't right

ATiredPhilosopher,

Brother/sister/sibling, please just poop.

AlmightySnoo,
@AlmightySnoo@lemmy.world avatar

Just keep pushing it back inside when it tries to come out.

nx2,

Premium comment.

moreeni,

Why push it? You can just glue your ass, think smarter, not harder

brav0zulu,
@brav0zulu@midwest.social avatar

I didn’t see this answer, so sorry if it’s been said, but just don’t eat. It’s three days, after all. Incidentally I’ve read that if you ate solely what your body needed to survive, it would take 20-40 days to even build up enough waste to have to poop.

Wreckronomicon,

This might cause a different problem...runny shit and then they'll have no choice but to poop.

Stalinwolf,
@Stalinwolf@lemmy.ca avatar

Holy shit. Alright, so naturally I have to ask if it's possible to eat just what you need to survive and still remain somewhat healthy. Or are you slowly withering at this point? What's the middle-ground here? How long can a person survive on just the bare minimum before their body becomes too weak?

Crackhappy,
@Crackhappy@lemmy.world avatar

This is absolutely correct. You can survive just fine for three days with no food. You'll be tired and cranky but alive.

Dirty_Dan,

Can’t say I recommend it but if I were given this unique challenge I suppose I would try MREs. MRE meals are designed to have the nutrients needed for soldiers and not cause repeated bowl movements.

atlasraven31,

I can confirm. The peanut butter will seal up your butthole like super glue. Desert sand helps clog everything up.

Dazed_Confused,
@Dazed_Confused@lemmy.world avatar

And that's one reason why I hate sand...

evilsmurf,

Do they still have the little gum packets that open the pipes back up?

cobweb,
@cobweb@dataterm.digital avatar

my guess is they are either getting their butthole pierced or tattooed, but I know that OP won't confirm. THat's just my guess here. I really hope it's not something more gross than that, but I can't handle that.

bob,

do you need to stay in a tent for 5 days to get your butthole tattooed?

k_o_t,
@k_o_t@lemmy.ml avatar

no, but sometimes you’ll go to all kinds of far away and hard-to-access destinations to get a particular tattoo 🤷‍♀️

cobweb,
@cobweb@dataterm.digital avatar

I dunno, maybe? I've never had my butthole tattooed, I'm just making guesses here.

DrWeevilJammer,

That's too long. Who's your butthole tent piercing guy?

bob,

Oh, I'm embarrassed to say that I don't have one!

k_o_t,
@k_o_t@lemmy.ml avatar

this is the real answer hehe

Ghona76,

Everything about this post is weird and hilarious.

dakerDraws,
@dakerDraws@pawb.social avatar

I think there's one important question we haven't covered yet. Do you also need to limit the amount you fart?

Because that could affect food choice. Or is that not a factor and you'll be able to discretely let loose somewhere?

Liempong_pagong,
@Liempong_pagong@lemmy.ml avatar

Without context. This is such a hilarious situation, it’s like, when a sitcom character whos role is to be the goof of the bunch, asks his friends this question and he’s serious and frantic.

Peruvia,
@Peruvia@lemmy.ml avatar

First of all, I was having a nice day until I read this. But alas, here’s my two cents. Since you said you will be travelling, not eating will be a problem. Why? As other comments pointed out and as I went through this myself a few weeks ago(not intentionally, just financially dependent on irresponsible traumatised individuals who get to decide when/what/why I eat- I am working on it, don’t worry), not eating for extended amounts of time gets you weird cramps and liquid poop. You don’t want that, especially when you need to move. I don’t know the environment you will be in, but aim to eat a bit those days, processed solid foods will do. Cheese, eggs, bread(bagels),plain pasta(ALREADY BOILED) if available. Avoid sugar in fairly large quantities(dehydrating), coffee(obvs), fruits, even vegetables. Your body will hate you for this, so when it’s over please take it easy and eat&drink water properly. It’s good that you will be moving, hopefully not too intense activity(because you’d need to eat/drink water properly) as that will distract your brain from wanting to eat/drink water.(again, sauce: former retail worker, wasn’t done intentionally, I can’t stress this enough. It just sorta happens). Make sure that you at least sleep and rest properly, and as others have pointed out, this isn’t sustainable and not recommended by any means. Long term lack of nutrition fucks you up in ways I can’t even begin to describe, take that shit from me. In the offchance you tattoo your asshole(and that you are one who has that tentacle tattooed on the asshole and are having it re done/touched up), you can simply wash after you poop, you don’t have to go through this. Also you can try anti diuretic and anti liquid poop(for a lack of a better term) medicine. Looking foward for an update, hope you’ll be ok.

xtremeownage,

In a survival situation, you can go a long time(weeks depending on how much body fat you have stored) without eating food. But- water is required.

Eating food, generally produces poop.

Vitamins, trail-mix, etc, can provide the required nutrients as well, while somewhat minimizing the amount of poop production.

Another note, it is possible to hold your poop for a very long time. Although, this can result in “Clogged pipes”, which you do NOT want.

Tarkcanis,

The only real answer is Pemmican.

evilsmurf,

Humane pemmican?

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