I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

Plasma,
@Plasma@lemmy.ml avatar

https://lemmy.ml/pictrs/image/bd727868-3c8f-4087-8024-773e02fed151.jpeg

admin,

Just start taking Adderall. If you're anything like me, you will have to remind yourself to eat more than 500 calories a day and then you will find yourself questioning how many days it has been since you even felt the need to poop.

promitheas,
@promitheas@iusearchlinux.fyi avatar

Your last three posts are a roller coaster in wondering “What’s this guy up to?”. Thanks for the laughs

https://iusearchlinux.fyi/pictrs/image/808e9ced-05ef-4254-993c-7fd37452cd14.png

limecool,

It must be troll posts. No way this is real

Wrrzag,
@Wrrzag@lemmy.ml avatar

I don’t have anything to add, I just wanna be part of this.

CAPSLOCKFTW,

NOSHITGANG

smstnitc,

Define "illegal". Like, marijuana is legal for recreational use in my state. I'm looking forward to some edibles when I get home, hahah

ComeScoglio,

That doesn't stop you from pooping though. Oh no... I'm too new to Lemmy for this to be one of my first comments...

snek_boi,

lol this is hilarious, and I also hope you’re okay, OP!

Now, some say this is the first Lemmy meme. I’m not sure that’s the case, for what it’s worth. However, it does feel exciting to see a meta moment like this! So absurd! 😂

KeavesSharpi,

I love that this is the flagship viral post for the new popular Lemmy. At this point, OP’s reason for not pooping is tertiary to the entertainment! Also, I’m pretty sure it’s just social anxiety.

chunky,
@chunky@lemmy.world avatar

Keep that sphincter clenched tight! You got this.

UnmeltedByRain,
@UnmeltedByRain@lemmy.world avatar

Immodium AD should help stop you up. (I'm not a doctor.)

Crabhands,
@Crabhands@lemmy.ml avatar

Ok i avoided replying to this for long enough. Based on your requirements, I’m making the following recommendations:

  • Nutrient-rich meal replacement bars: These bars are designed to provide a balanced mix of macronutrients (carbohydrates, protein, and fat) and essential vitamins and minerals. They are often fortified to meet nutritional needs, making them a convenient and space-saving option. However, they should not be relied upon as the sole source of nutrition for an extended period of time.
  • Dried fruits and nuts: Dried fruits are a concentrated source of natural sugars, fiber, and some essential nutrients. They provide energy and can help satisfy hunger. Nuts, on the other hand, are a good source of healthy fats, protein, and fiber. They offer satiety and provide a range of beneficial nutrients.
  • Jerky: Jerky, typically made from lean meats, is a good source of protein and can provide energy. It is compact, lightweight, and doesn’t require refrigeration. Be mindful of the sodium content.
  • Meal replacement shakes: These shakes are formulated to provide a balance of macronutrients and essential micronutrients. They often contain protein, carbohydrates, healthy fats, and a blend of vitamins and minerals. They are easy to consume and require minimal preparation.
  • Energy gels: Energy gels are designed to provide quick energy in the form of simple carbohydrates. They are often used by athletes during intense physical activities. While they offer a rapid energy boost, they do not provide substantial nutrients beyond carbohydrates.
mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

I've packed the first three you mentioned 👍 Thanks a lot for the reply!

Rogue_General,
@Rogue_General@lemmy.world avatar

Glad you got an actual reply, but your post is unexpectedly funny at first read. This is definitely going in the Lemmy hall of fame whether you like it or not - congrats!

ComeScoglio,

Some dried fruits are notoriously good for helping bowel movement, though, just be aware.

flint5436,

Aren't some dried fruit laxative? Ate a bag of dates once, and boy did I have to run to the shitter.

FVVS,
@FVVS@l.lucitt.com avatar

Has anybody considered OP may be getting railed by a giant schlong?

WhiskyTangoFoxtrot,

I would've thought that was obvious.

Padit,

I thought he was just a home pooper.

Dislodge3233,

3 days without eating will be hard. In case OP is interested, my anatomy only demand a couple hours of fasting.

macrocephalic,

The old double impacted colon!

DuckMaster17,
@DuckMaster17@lemmy.world avatar

Nothing screams comedy quite like a man refusing to shit for three days.

j4k3,
@j4k3@lemmy.world avatar

Or failing

dRLY,
@dRLY@lemmy.ml avatar

This is the most upvotes I have seen on Lemmy so far! We gotta get this over 1k at least!

MiddleWeigh,
@MiddleWeigh@lemmy.world avatar

If you don't wanna partake in illegals ie opioids, you can give immodium a shot. It's anti diarrhea stuff. Just take more than it says lol it will def stop you up. I would also just eat bare minimum. Trail mix or smth. Also drink less water.

ja2,
@ja2@lemmy.world avatar

I used to take immodium for multi-day concerts where I expected to be drinking a lot of beer. Last time I did so, it worked so well that I didn't shit for two weeks and stopped being able to sleep. Had to get to the doctor for a powerful laxative cocktail that really messed up my guts for another two weeks during which I still could barely sleep for different reasons. I'm not getting that month back.

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