I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

jystfact,

Are you, by any chance in a submarine?

MissJinx,
@MissJinx@lemmy.world avatar

Disasters come in threes. One sub down, better wait until the next 2 explode too

badgerific,

There's no advice that's going to be effective in stopping poop in those circumstances...

abcd,

This is the content I was waiting for! I’ve read this while sitting on my throne 😂😂😂💩

ChrislyBear,

+1

the_kgb,

+#2

demvoter,
@demvoter@kbin.social avatar

I was here for this post that will go down in Fediverse history.

iRyu,

It'll be a year and someone will ask "What is the story about the guy who couldn't poop for 3 days"

We'll sit down and let me tell you a story, lad

StarLuigi,
@StarLuigi@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Pretty sure I already saw this reposted on Reddit (not sure, my reddit client and my Lemmy client look too similar so I keep mixing them up!!)

BleakBluets,
@BleakBluets@lemmy.world avatar

I'll know the Fediverse is mainstream when I inevitably see this post and comments in a top 10 list or being read by an AI voice and posted to a video sharing site as part of an automated content farm.

Harlan_Cloverseed,
@Harlan_Cloverseed@kbin.social avatar

See you in other threads referencing this happening!

Grosshirn,

Yep. Me too. This kind of content was... unexpected

Sentrovasi,

All the best; I did something like this before, although not on purpose, eating light and low fiber. When I finally pooped my poop had layers. Please don't make a habit out of it.

yardy_sardley,

OP doesn't want his crush knowing that he poops. Simple as.

nani,

Eat Domino's pizza. It gives me constipation everytime I eat it.

briongloid,
@briongloid@aussie.zone avatar

Some armies use cheese to reduce frequency of bowel movements.

bkmps3,

This. I’m ex-military. Our ration packs came with these highly processed cans of cheese. I’d go 4-5 days without doing a shit.

Was never a good time after though

Velkas,

Ugh, I'd die. Dairy allergy means I'd shit my brains out

assa123,
@assa123@lemmy.world avatar

That would be counterproductive xD

Ghostalmedia,
@Ghostalmedia@lemmy.world avatar

hot hot hot hot hooooooooot

bilb,
@bilb@lem.monster avatar

I always hear MREs cause days-long constipation, but they probably aren't in the "easy to find" category.

Wander,
@Wander@yiffit.net avatar

I did not know that. I might want to consider eating more cheese just to have more time :P

ch00f,
Diskolikewhoa,

Was going to say this too. Especially processed cheese, that'll bind up your insides tighter than a sub in a vacuum bed.

zik,

Let's hope he's not lactose intolerant

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

What type of cheese?

Mothra,
@Mothra@mander.xyz avatar

Drier, hard cheese gives better results. If you want to not poop you cut out all fibre (anything vegetable). No coffee, no sauces/ oils. Eat less

AndyGHK,

“Hon hon hon, eet seems le poupeaux, she has surrendered!!”

dakerDraws,
@dakerDraws@pawb.social avatar

Does that work for (a good portion of the population) who are lactose intolerant?

Daftman,

Could you give us an update after your.... endeavours... how it went?

PeefJerky,
@PeefJerky@lemmy.ml avatar
JesusTheCarpenter,

!RemindMe 7 days

kresten,

I'm sure it's coming at some point, we'll just need more fleshed out bot APIs

rainfern,

:'|

PotjiePig,

VeryLostRedditors

FleaCatcher,

For Jesus, I'll set-up an alarm on my phone.

MicrosoftSam,

Okay but why?

breadsmasher,
@breadsmasher@lemmy.world avatar

Stuck in a submarine without a proper toilet

D3F4U1T_ARS,
@D3F4U1T_ARS@lemmy.world avatar

LMFAO XD

Boozilla,
@Boozilla@lemmy.world avatar

Hard boiled eggs. Astronauts love them because they are almost completely absorbed and pooping in space is a hassle.

bernieecclestoned,

TIL

CoolBeance,
@CoolBeance@lemmy.world avatar

Oh god. I never thought I would imagine a "floater" as anything more than poop in a pool

Pellotto,

I was here for it.

Gradually_Adjusting,
@Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world avatar

I hope nobody ever finds out

Xathonn,
@Xathonn@kbin.social avatar

I was here

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