I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

sunaurus,
@sunaurus@lemm.ee avatar

What I would do in this situation would be a 4-day fast. It's not for everybody, but you might want to at least consider it, because it's definitely doable, and some people even claim it's healthy (disclaimer: I am not a medical professional, don't take medical advice from random people on the internet).

To prepare, I would suggest switching to OMAD (one meal a day - effectively you will be fasting 23h every day) up until the trip. OMAD will help your body adjust to long periods of not eating. To be successful with OMAD, you need to ensure that your single meal will cover your daily calorie and nutrient needs. There's a bunch of resources about it online if you search.

Eat your last meal 48h before the trip - this will give you a chance to empty your bowels before you leave. Every day, make sure you drink enough electrolytes + take multivitamins. On the final day of your trip, it should be safe to have a SMALL meal (do not overdo it, you can hurt yourself by eating too much after a fast) - it should take your body over a full day before you'll need to poop.

How long do you have to prepare? Personally, when I first started doing OMAD, it took me over a month before my body became adjusted to fasting. But now, it just feels completely natural.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

I have only two days to prepare. I'll also have to walk around a lot during those three days so I don't think I'll be able to survive with only one meal.

Badass_panda,

If you need to walk around a lot, it'll be tougher to do it on am empty stomach, but not impossible. You have plenty of energy stores to last 3 days unless you're significantly underweight to start with.

You will not be able to eat your daily allowance of calories for three days and not need to poop during that time. It's just not a thing that's going to happen for you.

If you are determined to eat and not poop, eat protein bars, and take an anti diahrreal (e.g., Imodium). You won't poop, but day 4-5 will be awful.

Ropianos,

I'm not sure what "walk around a lot" means exactly but I've interpreted it as hiking and I'm fairly certain that you will have a very bad time when hiking for three days without ANY food.

And why do you think that you won't be able to consume enough calories without food? All kinds of drinks should have enough energy to sustain you, e.g. soft drinks, especially if you sweat and therefore drink more than 2l a day. In the worst case you can also just eat sugar.

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

I'll walk to a certain place... Take a train to place 2... on and on until I return to my current location for a few days and can finally poop again before starting on the same journey again (but i can poop this time).

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

I don't mind severe constipation as long as i don't have to poop for those three days. Thanks a lot.

patchw3rk,
@patchw3rk@kbin.social avatar

I added your response to https://kbin.com/m/bestof and/or @bestof

BiaThemis,
@BiaThemis@kbin.social avatar

Just a heads up, you are linking the wrong URL. It should be https://kbin.social/m/bestof instead of .com

nepatriots32,
@nepatriots32@lemmy.world avatar

I recommend eating a lot of cheese and absolutely NO fiber. Not sure if it will make you sweat less, but I'm pretty sure if I ate only cheese for 3 days, it wouldn't be too hard to wait till the end of it to poop. In fact, I may need some help at that point... maybe you should eat some fiber like a couple hours before you do plan on trying to poop, and also drink lots of water at that point, too. I personally find cheese very "helpful" in getting myself constipated, and fiber + water to be a great way to smoothen the pooping process.

6fn, (edited )
@6fn@kbin.social avatar

To share the wisdom of Weird Al Yankovic on this topic:

This cheese 'round the clock
is getting me blocked

nepatriots32,
@nepatriots32@lemmy.world avatar

And if we can't trust Weird AL for advice, then who can we trust?

LUHG_HANI,
@LUHG_HANI@lemmy.world avatar

Don't drink coffee then.

BurnedDonutHole,

Get anti diarrhea medicine, have electrolyte drinks in moderation.

SubArcticTundra,
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

Wouldn’t those give you constipation after you’ve finished though

baseless_discourse,

Eat laxative after, simple.

SubArcticTundra,
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

I just dk if it works like that

BurnedDonutHole,

His toilet schedule is not my problem. Joking aside laxatives will solve the issue or his own metabolism after a while.

ShakeThatYam,
@ShakeThatYam@lemmy.world avatar

Or legally prescribed opiates

BurnedDonutHole,

Since op is talking about walking and staying in a tent I’m guessing op will need all the mental and physical faculties working instead of being sedated.

DarthRedLeader,

Tbf, there's a difference between knowing instinctively that someone poops and being first-hand witness to the godawful stench of post-chipotle bowel movement in an area with poor air circulation (AC aside).

Crush is definitely involved though.

GratefullyGodless,
@GratefullyGodless@lemmy.world avatar

I was worried that lemmy wouldn't reach the pinnacle of quality to match reddit, and then this post came along to soothe those fears. Good luck on your no poop quest.

HerrLewakaas,
@HerrLewakaas@lemmy.world avatar

This is the perfect comment, I laughed so hard

Etnies419,

I was here for... Whatever this is...

LollerCorleone,
@LollerCorleone@kbin.social avatar

This post is going straight to the fediverse hall of fame!

diffaldo,

try OMAD and drink sugary drinks while in your journey. Godspeed!

Snuzii,

I guess try taking some OTC medicine for diarrhea, should make you constipated.

Harpa,

I don't even want to know the answer because it'll be less entertaining than lemmy's collective imagination.

As for the question: I think your biggest problem is going to be inducing a proper clearout shortly before you go on your trip. Maybe laxatives?

Edit: I just realized, is the reason you don't want to go despite having toiles available stuff like hemorrhoids or an anal fissure? Because if so, there are creams for that my friend.

Dazed_Confused, (edited )
@Dazed_Confused@lemmy.world avatar

This could be a setting in a Stephen King novel. They usually don't end well.

I am really curious about the situation, but all I've to say is be safe and update us.

k_o_t, (edited )
@k_o_t@lemmy.ml avatar

easy, just go on a fast (eat nothing, can drink water and zero cal energy drinks) and/or very low cal keto (avocados), take vitamin and electrolyte supplements

eggnog,

what the fuck. i need an update post

nicman24,

this is it. this is the critical point of quality the fediverse needed

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