I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

MicrosoftSam,

Okay but why?

breadsmasher,
@breadsmasher@lemmy.world avatar

Stuck in a submarine without a proper toilet

D3F4U1T_ARS,
@D3F4U1T_ARS@lemmy.world avatar

LMFAO XD

eighty,

I really wish I knew what I did in the past to achieve this. Depression and poor eating habits?

Hyggyldy,

Such an oddly terrifying post.

Nerrad,
@Nerrad@lemmy.world avatar

Good luck mailing yourself out of the country.

confetti_8tVST5,

Really feels like home y'know

smstnitc,

Define "illegal". Like, marijuana is legal for recreational use in my state. I'm looking forward to some edibles when I get home, hahah

ComeScoglio,

That doesn't stop you from pooping though. Oh no... I'm too new to Lemmy for this to be one of my first comments...

admin,

Just start taking Adderall. If you're anything like me, you will have to remind yourself to eat more than 500 calories a day and then you will find yourself questioning how many days it has been since you even felt the need to poop.

super_user_do,
@super_user_do@feddit.it avatar

Me surviving 1week without pooping

jerkface,
@jerkface@lemmy.ca avatar

If it's important you can easily just not eat for three days. Otherwise, there's nothing you can eat that will be safe and prevent you from pooping.

DarthRedLeader,

Tbf, there's a difference between knowing instinctively that someone poops and being first-hand witness to the godawful stench of post-chipotle bowel movement in an area with poor air circulation (AC aside).

Crush is definitely involved though.

nepatriots32,
@nepatriots32@lemmy.world avatar

I recommend eating a lot of cheese and absolutely NO fiber. Not sure if it will make you sweat less, but I'm pretty sure if I ate only cheese for 3 days, it wouldn't be too hard to wait till the end of it to poop. In fact, I may need some help at that point... maybe you should eat some fiber like a couple hours before you do plan on trying to poop, and also drink lots of water at that point, too. I personally find cheese very "helpful" in getting myself constipated, and fiber + water to be a great way to smoothen the pooping process.

6fn, (edited )
@6fn@kbin.social avatar

To share the wisdom of Weird Al Yankovic on this topic:

This cheese 'round the clock
is getting me blocked

nepatriots32,
@nepatriots32@lemmy.world avatar

And if we can't trust Weird AL for advice, then who can we trust?

Xathonn,
@Xathonn@kbin.social avatar

I was here

Mugmoor,
@Mugmoor@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Im just posting so I can see my username on one of Whang's videos one day.

100beep,

To answer the actual question, cheese and meat.

Bageler,

Unless lactose intolerance is a factor. Then just meat. A lot of jerky.

olpappy,
@olpappy@mander.xyz avatar

A small bottle of olive oil. It’s very high calorie so it will keep you somewhat energized in small quantities. Consumed in small amounts you may be able to go three days without shitting.

TheShane,

In large quantities... It will make your bum like a sluice gate!

Girtablulu,
@Girtablulu@feddit.de avatar

can confirm, ain't fun

jwu,

Yeah, but olive oil is also a mild laxative.
www.healthline.com/…/olive-oil-for-constipation

SubArcticTundra,
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

I can’t imagine myself consuming more than a spoonful of oil, any oil

kraiden,

Olive oil is actually delicious. Can't speak to using it for non-poopy reasons, but throw some in a bowl, add a splash of balsamic vinegar, sprinkle in some chunky rock salt, and dip the bougiest bread you can find in that shit! Delicious!

SubArcticTundra,
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

Well yes I agree, olive oil + salt is a godly combination, I just can’t imagine gulping it down like it’s a Fanta

Jimmycrackcrack,

I think the consumption of only oily fat will cause a bit of a shitsplosion and probably sooner than 3 days in.

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