I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

highduc,

You said if we guess you’d confirm so here’s my attempt.

Are you participating in like one of those TV competitions? Will you be filmed if you poop and that’s why you’d rather not?

atwerp,

OP, you misunderstand the "no shitposts on lemmy" guideline, that's not what it means

makingStuffForFun,
@makingStuffForFun@lemmy.ml avatar

Boom tish! Lovely work

OtakuAltair,
@OtakuAltair@lemmy.world avatar

I don't know the answer, but now I can say I was here during the infamous 'Poop post' on Lemmy 10 years from now.

SubArcticTundra,
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

You could try surviving on Soylent or an equivalent. It’s the nutrients you need to stay alive and operating normally stripped down to the bare minimum (so less material for you to have to poop). It might be diluted in water but that could be minimised and that small amount would probably leave you though sweat/breath anyway.

eyy,

But what is it made of?

SubArcticTundra,
@SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml avatar

Iirc, oats and pea protein, plus some micronutrients

DrWeevilJammer,

For those not aware that this is a movie reference, check out the 1970s Charlton Heston movie "Soylent Green".

Twaffle,

This thread is going to haunt me. One day, years from now while lying in bed and slowly drifting off to sleep, I'll suddenly sit bolt upright and exclaim, "Why couldn't that dude poop!?"

macrocephalic,

And what was on that hard drive sewn into the lining of the laptop bag?

eighty,

I really wish I knew what I did in the past to achieve this. Depression and poor eating habits?

mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

I've replied to quite a few people and I'm going to bed now.

I'll edit the posts with updates when my poopless journey ends. Either when the three-day poopless period is over (28th June) or when the whole thing is over (30 June/1 July).

Wish me luck.

4am,
@4am@lemmy.world avatar

Remember: No vid, no did

(but seriously good luck and please don't hurt/injure yourself my friend. Godspeed!)

Feo,

Godspeed op. May your cheeks remain pristine.

Tagger,

Do we have remind me set up yet?

heartlessevil,

This is the first post on lemmy I've bookmarked, congrats

Vex_Detrause,

Please don't overthink it. You might get more urge to go when your trying not to poop. You got this! Please update us.

Mugmoor,
@Mugmoor@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Shine on, you crazy diamond.

Kurt,
@Kurt@lemmy.one avatar

I haven't seen any comments suggesting a plug, so I guess it'll be me. Try using a butt plug.

100beep,

To answer the actual question, cheese and meat.

Bageler,

Unless lactose intolerance is a factor. Then just meat. A lot of jerky.

jystfact,

Are you, by any chance in a submarine?

MissJinx,
@MissJinx@lemmy.world avatar

Disasters come in threes. One sub down, better wait until the next 2 explode too

badgerific,

There's no advice that's going to be effective in stopping poop in those circumstances...

Phantom_Engineer,
@Phantom_Engineer@lemmy.ml avatar

My only advice would be to have a back up plan. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail, and there’s no guarantee you won’t get an unpleasant surprise. You say you’ll use the toilet if you’re about to shit yourself, but what if you can’t make it and do end up shitting yourself because you put it off so long?

KittenBiscuits,

OP is literally asking us the most efficient way to get backed up. What other backup plan could they need?

OP, can you get hold of any stimulant appetite suppressants? They'll pull double doody for you. You'll eat less and be constipated.

bigkahuna1986,

I just want to be a part of this history. Also maybe like protein shakes?

Neptune014,

I dont have any advice. Just wanted to day I was here before the reason was revealed.

risottinopazzesco,

Just poop as much as possible before leaving. For three days you can fast, it’s very much doable.

I was here when the 3 days without pooping post dropped.

DubiousInterests,

I would say try to poop just before you leave to and fast for an extra 24-48 hours beforehand too if they can manage.

skrttskrtt911,

This post is gold. To parrot a couple others, anti-diarrhea medicine always locks me up for a day or two

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