I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

tymon,

I have done two seven-day fasts and four three-day fasts. You'll want to prep with fasting practice and then watch your water intake to make sure you're not dehydrated.

I would pay $50 to know why the fuck you're doing this.

OmegaZX,

Lemmy is good just because of this post

Kouran,

I was here when this post happened.

Aldo,

History in the making, baby!

dart,

OP, the answer is obviously to starve yourself and use a buttplug

SuperNerd,

NASA has a paper on how to not poop for days. It’s on the Internet. Before space toilets there was only a space bag with finger scissor/scoop holes. It didn’t work, poop got everywhere. The paper goes into detail about fecal matter being everywhere after early multi-day missions.

So they figured it out. Their system works – I’ve also had my own reasons.

ikidd,
@ikidd@lemmy.world avatar

I regularly do this on backpacking trips.

Don't ask me how, I don't even know. I call it Camping Constipation Mode. I usually leave on a Thursday afternoon and get home Sunday night without feeling the urge to shit. And I eat as normally as you can when backpacking, I guess. Seems like most of the dehy food should make you thread a needle at 10 paces but doesn't seem to affect me that way.

agamemnonymous,

Yes! Whenever I go camping, my body just figures it out for days.

Maajmaaj,
@Maajmaaj@lemmy.ca avatar

Lemmy finally feels like home now. 😂😂

mustardman,

This is the first Lemmy Moment

vriska,
@vriska@l.60228.dev avatar

8/10 with rice

MiddleWeigh,
@MiddleWeigh@lemmy.world avatar

If you don't wanna partake in illegals ie opioids, you can give immodium a shot. It's anti diarrhea stuff. Just take more than it says lol it will def stop you up. I would also just eat bare minimum. Trail mix or smth. Also drink less water.

ja2,
@ja2@lemmy.world avatar

I used to take immodium for multi-day concerts where I expected to be drinking a lot of beer. Last time I did so, it worked so well that I didn't shit for two weeks and stopped being able to sleep. Had to get to the doctor for a powerful laxative cocktail that really messed up my guts for another two weeks during which I still could barely sleep for different reasons. I'm not getting that month back.

dRLY,
@dRLY@lemmy.ml avatar

This is the most upvotes I have seen on Lemmy so far! We gotta get this over 1k at least!

DuckMaster17,
@DuckMaster17@lemmy.world avatar

Nothing screams comedy quite like a man refusing to shit for three days.

j4k3,
@j4k3@lemmy.world avatar

Or failing

FVVS,
@FVVS@l.lucitt.com avatar

Has anybody considered OP may be getting railed by a giant schlong?

WhiskyTangoFoxtrot,

I would've thought that was obvious.

Padit,

I thought he was just a home pooper.

Dislodge3233,

3 days without eating will be hard. In case OP is interested, my anatomy only demand a couple hours of fasting.

macrocephalic,

The old double impacted colon!

Crabhands,
@Crabhands@lemmy.ml avatar

Ok i avoided replying to this for long enough. Based on your requirements, I’m making the following recommendations:

  • Nutrient-rich meal replacement bars: These bars are designed to provide a balanced mix of macronutrients (carbohydrates, protein, and fat) and essential vitamins and minerals. They are often fortified to meet nutritional needs, making them a convenient and space-saving option. However, they should not be relied upon as the sole source of nutrition for an extended period of time.
  • Dried fruits and nuts: Dried fruits are a concentrated source of natural sugars, fiber, and some essential nutrients. They provide energy and can help satisfy hunger. Nuts, on the other hand, are a good source of healthy fats, protein, and fiber. They offer satiety and provide a range of beneficial nutrients.
  • Jerky: Jerky, typically made from lean meats, is a good source of protein and can provide energy. It is compact, lightweight, and doesn’t require refrigeration. Be mindful of the sodium content.
  • Meal replacement shakes: These shakes are formulated to provide a balance of macronutrients and essential micronutrients. They often contain protein, carbohydrates, healthy fats, and a blend of vitamins and minerals. They are easy to consume and require minimal preparation.
  • Energy gels: Energy gels are designed to provide quick energy in the form of simple carbohydrates. They are often used by athletes during intense physical activities. While they offer a rapid energy boost, they do not provide substantial nutrients beyond carbohydrates.
mizu6079,
@mizu6079@lemmy.world avatar

I've packed the first three you mentioned 👍 Thanks a lot for the reply!

Rogue_General,
@Rogue_General@lemmy.world avatar

Glad you got an actual reply, but your post is unexpectedly funny at first read. This is definitely going in the Lemmy hall of fame whether you like it or not - congrats!

ComeScoglio,

Some dried fruits are notoriously good for helping bowel movement, though, just be aware.

flint5436,

Aren't some dried fruit laxative? Ate a bag of dates once, and boy did I have to run to the shitter.

UnmeltedByRain,
@UnmeltedByRain@lemmy.world avatar

Immodium AD should help stop you up. (I'm not a doctor.)

chunky,
@chunky@lemmy.world avatar

Keep that sphincter clenched tight! You got this.

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