Well, I flew back from the holiday break at my mom’s house. It was stressful and not relaxing because she’s getting up there in age and there was a lot of stuff I needed to do with her.
Anyway, a few things happened with getting home that made the trip longer. Had to check in my carry-on at the gate because no room, so I had to wait for my bag to come through on carousel. Then, I had to walk 20 minutes to where my car was parked, because I took the cheap park-and-walk option like a chump. Finally got to my car, but by the time it was evening traffic, so it took me 45 minutes to get home.
I pull into the garage and am getting my bags out of the trunk, when my neighbor comes up with a cheery “hi!”. Then she rails into me about how much she hates my dog barking, and that it’s been 2 years of my dog barking, and I’m super inconsiderate because I don’t bring him in after he barks twice, like she does with hers, and all the neighbors think the same. Also, she rents another house close by with tenants who work night shift and go to sleep at 2am, so my dog barking at 9am is also inconsiderate.
I was so fucking tired. This dumbass lady… I hadn’t even been living here for two years. Her dog barks a ton, my dog sometimes replies to her dog barking. My dog barks but not for hours on end, just a normal amout before I get him in, which is a fucking miracle in itself because he’s a great pyrenees. I’ve spoken to the neighbors, none of them think my dog barks too much, and how tf am I supposed to know you rent to night dwellers?? Tell them to get a fucking noise machine and put it on blast while they sleep, it’s fucking 9am, there’s a shit ton of noise everywhere. They’re replacing the roof two houses down and start at 6, the day time is fucking loud. Also, lady, I haven’t been home for a week. DO YOU SEE THE SUITCASE IVE PULLED OUT OF THE CAR??
What I said though is “thanks for letting me know, have a good day.”
I went on “vacation” with my mom three times in the last two years. It was like tending to a small child. Constant care. Not fun. I decided I will only have vacations to myself for the next three years.
Also, wow. I hope you’re having better days these days!
I cant even tolerate going to the store with mine.
She turns a 10 minute trip to grab milk and bread, into a 2 hour ordeal where I have to watch her like a hawk cause if I turn my back to her for .03 femtoseconds shes up and disappeared.
But really, I live in savage no-bidet land, but thankfully I have a handheld shower head that I can just use sitting on the corner of the tub. When I didn’t have a tub, I just squatted, but it’s not nearly as easy
Make sure you don’t have any mental disorders that you aren’t aware of. Watch actual doctors (like Dr. K) on YouTube to figure this out. You’d be surprised how subtly a disorder can impact the rest of your life.
Do something more fulfilling. A decent chunk of the stuff you watch isn’t helpful and doesn’t satisfy you, so it’s probably better to watch some really good movies/videos/shows so that you give it your full attention. If that doesn’t work, find hobbies that do capture your attention.
Assuming you don’t have any mental health issues make sure you make every day worth living.
If you do have mental health issues you should probably get that looked at by a professional.
If you feel like life is a drag, and you dislike it, change it.
Try a new sport, build that hobby project you’ve always wanted, buy a motorcycle, plan a boardgame night with friends family, try that fetish you’ve been eyeing your whole life.
Ever since the 2020 lockdown professional help has been impacted, with few openings available.
This sucks especially for those of us with more chronic issues (I was showing signs at seven years old) because finding a patient-therapist fit is a process. A lot of patients need specific care, and the professional sector is not as… well… professional enough to treat without letting their own opinions get in the way. So it sucks to discover your psychiatrist is anti-gay when you are as gay as an opera in Paris.
There’s also the matter that US insurance only covers short term mental health care at best, like ten sessions when it takes at least a few years (so 200 sessions) to affect significant change, or get enough symptom management skills to not feel like making a public mess every goddamn day.
So, while it’d be super keen if all of us truly gone fishing types were able to get comprehensive care with a psychiatrist who cares and a psychotherapist who actually gets us and isn’t trying to surrepititiously push Southern Baptism Jesus on her patients, this is far, far, far from a realistic goal for anyone in the near future, unless they have rich benefactors.
And the problem with rich benefactors is they are easily swayed to toss their gay-as-love-letters-in-the-1890s relative into an illegal conversion therapy work camp.
The solution for this is in the movie itself: take up a new hobby, improve on it as far as you can, make each same-y day worth being lived, add to your routine and your skill set
Even better, do 50 wall pushups. A lot of people can’t do 1 proper pushup. Start on the wall, and go until your muscles feel it. Move your feet further from the wall every day. Then move to a set of stairs or a counter. Do sets of 50, and you’ll feel your muscles aching, which means they are growing. With steps, you can go down one step every day, or every week. You don’t want to hurt yourself. But if you keep doing sets of 50, you’ll work out the joints and tendons and supporting structures that keep you from hurting yourself doing one regular push up.
Tbf Bill Murray’s character had infinite iterations. Like, there are probably a bunch where he was just lying in bed, a few where he murdered the entire town, a few where he rolled around in his own feces.
Been doing that for a few years now. Pretty soon all those hobbies just become more of the same background noise. I have nothing more to show for life, but I do have a lot of expensive clutter and knowledge that no one wants me to share.
I think hobbies by itself isn’t the right advice. Practicing chess, photography, or guitar alone in your house isn’t going to feel less monotonous. The next step is to join a chess club, organize a photo walk, find some people to jam on the guitar with. There’s always new things to explore within hobbies when other people are involved.
Calling some groups “incel sickos” sounds rude and hateful to me and is best practice for going to be a incel sicko. I don’t want to judge, just a friendly warning.
Against loneliness there are good advices already written. Just an addition: first, be respectful and love to yourself. Second, do the same for others.
A lot of depressed people think, that other people could repair their hearts, but that’s not true. You start by yourself, the rest comes automatic.
I.e. Karl Popper’s tolerance paradox of being intolerant towards intolerance. Or, in a less confusing way: if someone doesn’t adhere to the mutual rules set by a group of people (read “society”), those rules no longer apply to them.
Respectfully, do you know what incels are? Besides, while your advice is not wrong, I think it’s a bit too broad and OP specifically asked for places/forums. But it definitely holds some truth and utility.
a forum to commiserate and share advice and coping mechanisms and so on.
Speaking for myself here, but I feel like this can make the problem worse. /r/depression is something in a similar vein. Whenever I went there, I’d always leave sadder. There’s something about reading other people’s struggles that just seemed to reinforce my own sense of hopelessness.
Also, bad advice on those kinds of forums can look extremely reasonable if your perception of the world is clouded by your problems.
I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but give therapy a shot if you haven’t already.
Like others have said, having a friend that you see regularly can help with loneliness. Doesn’t even have to be strangers. Try messaging an old friend you drifted apart from. Odds are they’d be happy to catch up.
Sorry for the unsolicited advice. I know this isn’t the type of response you asked for. I hope everything works out for you, bud.
Bang on. I’m feeling down right now (relationship that ended I’ve never recovered from years later) and no amount of chatting with people online is going to fill that gaping hole or help me patch it.
Professional help should always be approached first and foremost.
Of course, that’s not accessible for many people which is a shame and for that I have no answer, just that seeking to fill that hole with like-feeling people online is a recipe in disaster. Negativity breeds negativity.
I was visiting family for Thanksgiving. While we were watching the news, my father and his mother got into a massive argument over politics. It got so bad that I had to go upstairs and ride it out. It was an immensely stressful expirence for me, and I hope it never happens again.
Literally my life as a child. my grandma was a hardcore Democrat and my father a Republican. Every year, every holiday, they would get into it until my grandma would start screaming at him.
Hm, maybe… I had this notion that things were like that since forever in America, like sure, democrats and republicans have their diffrences, but people don’t quarel over their political orientations. You do you, I do me and that’s that 🤷.
Though I have to admit that things were apparently getting more heated up the last 10 years or so, mainly because of social media and the walled garden it created around people thanks to predicting what your interest are.
I’ve spent holidays alone or travelling in the past. I also enjoy watching streamers on Twitch like Will Neff who do weekly movie nights, watches entertaining YouTube videos like Roll For Sandwich, and shows like Survivor on stream. His discord community hosts a variety of events when he’s not streaming. At any given point you can usually catch his community members watching movies together in a voice call or just while chatting. My suggestion would be to find a streamer that you enjoy watching or a community that participates in events together on mediums like discord.
That or just get sucked into a really good show. Whatever works for you
A couple days ago I was swapping out my GPU. As I was carefully removing the glass side cover, it basically exploded in my hands. I don’t even know how.
There’s glass all over the room and I’m bleeding from the little shards that hit my hands and arms. Every time I think I got all the glass I find another piece. I finally get it all, replace the GPU and fire up the PC.
I hear crunching sounds that seem like they’re coming from the fans on the front. I shut down so I can vacuum out the remaining shards. As I’m taking off the glass front cover, that shit slips out of my fingers and fucking shatters on the floor.
I couldn’t do anything but laugh at that point. I cleaned up again and decided I’m not going anywhere today because it’s one of those fucking days.
Man I’m so glad my glass side panel has a steel frame around it. At work I’ve had to repair a couple PCs like that and man they make me so anxious. It’s best to bite the bullet, unplug everything and lay the PC on it’s side.
Had that happen to my case a few months back and haven’t bothered to replace it. Tempered glass is super strong on the face of it, but if you get the slightest scratch on the edges the internal stresses in the glass will literally blow it up. I know it will mar, but I’d rather have an acrylic window any day of the week, or better yet, a sleek solid side panel.
I had the same thing happen to me but I was luckier. When I was 15-16, my parents had a big ass glass shower door sitting around so they asked me and my cousin to bring it downstairs so we could sell it. As we were trying to move it so we could pick it up, the thing exploded into a million shards flying everywhere on the floor. My cousin and I were basically unharmed but the floor was littered with tiny tiny glass shards that was a pain in the ass to clean up.
This is why i dont have any interest in glass side panels.
I dont even like clear side panels, but if i have it i’ll take acrylic… sure, it supposedly scratches easier, but wtf are you doing to get it scratched in the first place? probably the same kinda stuff that breaks tempered glass, lol.
Same here. Call me old-fashioned, but the only part of my computer I have any interest in looking at is whatever is being rendered on the monitor.
I don’t need any LEDs in my PC because the case is a black metal box with no side panels. Any time/effort/money spent on making a PC “look cool” is time/effort/money that should have been spent making it perform better.
Yes they only really get scratches when mishandled. They’re lighter and they don’t break.
I still have a lot of older cases with the acrylic (called plexiglass over here) and they’re fine. I’m not planning on buying anything new, but when I do I din’t want anything with a glass panel.
I feel you on all that, I really do. Guess my brain responded to bullying by going the other way, fighting to learn socials skills to make it stop. I’m old BTW, we might have different definitions of “bullying”. Mine definition is; “getting the shit kicked out of you daily at school, while the teachers watch or participate, and/or being constantly on the lookout to avoid said ass beatings”. All that to say, I get you.
Anyhow, you might not like this take, but going outside is probably your answer. I know how facile that sounds, but you’re not going to make any sort of meaningful human connection with a keyboard.
What does “going outside” look like for you? I got no idea, but I got experience. If you like, DM me and I’ll give you my email or phone number. Hell, maybe we can help motivate each other.
Those struggles are decades past. And I learned from them! Wish OP had reached out to me. I feel I could help give them ideas, or at least the hope you mentioned.
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