Try actively steering your fantasy past the peak of infatuation and into the latter stages of a relationship and on to breakup.
Right now, you have intrusive thoughts about falling in love with them, and probably the excitement of getting to know someone intimately. Instead of trying to hold back, let that fantasy play out in your head further. Imagine moving in, imagine them not getting you when you’re explaining your problems. Imagine liking them, but finding their bad habits increasingly intolerable, and never being able to pick a movie to watch. Imagine them not flushing the toilet and clogging the shower drain with hair. And then imagine meeting someone new, and feeling guilty about crushing had on them. Imagine this new person reciprocates, and imagine politely explaining to your dance instructor that you guys can stay friends but, the romance has run it’s course.
And there you are. The itch is scratched, and in your mind they’re just a friend again.
I’m sorry if I bummed you out! For what it’s worth, I think you’re misreading this!
This exercise isn’t supposed to reflect an inevitability to relationships becoming unfulfilling. It’s just a tool to recover the ability to see people in a balanced and realistic way instead of through the uncontrollably lens of puppy love.
I’m in a long term relationship, well past the point of early infatuation, and I can tell you that that feeling is replaced by a different kind of love that I enjoy just as much. Long term relationships shouldn’t be scary, they’re wonderful. But when you’re smitten, simulating the evolution in how you feel about someone as you get to know them is just a way to remove the effects of a crush.
Don’t be sad! Long term relationships with a person you like are wonderful.
This totally works. Way back in middle school I had a pretty big crush on this guy. I was shy and there was just a trickle of his interest in me, posibly imaginary, but just enough to keep me miserable. One night had a pretty long dream about us going through a whole relationship with all the misunderstandings, arguments, and realizations that come with it. Woke up super refreshed, fulfilled, and ready to move on. About a year later he asked me out and I turned him down. Felt like it’d be going back to an ex or something.
These are the channels that keep me coming back. I’ve tried to sort them by genre but there is a bit of overlap.
I watch a lot of video essays:
Architectural Digest, Business Insider, Insider Tech, CGPGrey, SciShow, CrashCourse, EconomicsExplained, Practical Engineering, Real Engineering, RealLifeLore, ClassicalNerd, TierZoo (zoology) Kurzgesagt, Wendover Productions (transportation) ColdFusion, Understitch (fashion), Fashion History Sessions, Veritasium (physics), PolyMatter (geopolitics), hbomberguy, CompanyMan, Super Eyepatch Wolf, SomeMoreNews, KnowledgeHusk, Georg Rockall-Schmidt, Russell Brand Louis Rossman, Nerdwriter, minutephysics, MinuteEarth, Numberphile, Mental Floss (trivia), Captain Midnight, Savage Books, Bookpilled.
Comedy
CalebCity, Internet Historian/Incognitio Mode, Kill Tony, All Things Comedy, AceVane, penguinz0, Casually Explained, Ordinary Things, Vsauce, CrackerMilk, Death Battle!, Bad Lip Reading, Doobus Goobus, Flashgitz, Honest Ads, Ozzy Man Reviews, Pitch Meeting, RDCworld1, Rich Black Guy, ODAWG, brain david gilbert, Sam O’Nella Academy, Stevie Emerson, The Onion.
Gaming
Skill Up, ACG, videogamedunkey, The Escapist, Polygon, gameranx, GameSpot Game Maker’s Toolkit, Girlfriend Reviews, t90Official (any aoe2 fans?), lionheartx10.
Music
deepcuts, theneedledrop/Anthony Fantano, Sound Field, Polyphonic, Genius, The Company Man, The Lyricologist, Science of Loud.
Movies
YourMovieSucks, RedLetterMedia, The Critical Drinker, The Cosmonaut Variety Hour, ralphthemoviemaker, The Vile Eye, Screen Junkies, Now you See It, Every Frame a Painting, Lessons from the Screenplay, Screenplayed.
History
Modern History TV, HardcoreHistory, Shadiversity, SandRhoman History, History Dose, History Matters, Fall of Civilizations, Extra History, Absolute History.
Philosophy
ContraPoints, Philosophy Tube, Philosophize This!, Wireless Philosophy, Wisecrack, The School of Life, Then and Now.
Food
FirstWeFeast, Binging with Babbish, One Bite Pizza Reviews (everyoneknowstherules), Alton Brown, Black Tie Kitchen, Tasty, Epicurious.
Basketball
JxmyHighroller, Thinking Basketball, Professor Live, dime.
If you like video essays and video games, I can suggest The Tarnished Archeologist. He does deep lore dives into FromSoft games (Dark Souls, Elden Ring, etc.) using real world archeological techniques and insights, and draws parallels with real world civilizations.
Even if you aren’t into FromSoft games, his videos are worth it for the real world archeological parallels alone.
In my eyes, suppressing knowledge, or advocating it, is morally bankrupt.
If you have a better argument, you engage in the conversation, you don’t end the conversation and make sure no one else can talk about it again.
You shouldn’t even try to dissuade people from watching it, you should want the people around you to be better educated, I would think. Idk, man, I want my wife to stay with me cuz she chooses too, not because I’ve lied to her about every other man in the world, or destroyed her self confidence so she thinks she can’t do better.
To be clear, that’s abuse. All of that.
Looking around, imma go ahead and say capitalism, in any flavor it’s being expressed in this world, isn’t living up to its promises. From what I can tell, that puts me with 95% of everyone else.
Do I think communism is the answer? No. I think capitalism is fine for grand pianos, not Grandma’s pills.
After WW2 the post war economies settled on social democracy as the compromise between the two. I think we need to get back to that, and designate areas of the economy fundamental and forbidding people from profit or rent seeking practices. Education, medicine, emergency services, community development. Essentially if it’s something the government offers or necessitates, then it’s already paid for in taxes, that goes for permits, passports, licensing, reviews, All of it. I think that because it’s obvious the relationship between elected officials and civil servents to the population needs repairing, drastic change. The only positive change I can fathom is simplifying for the end user (one tax) and open-transparency.
I’m willing to entertain arguments against, I don’t claim or think to know everything. In fact, everything Im right about now I can guarantee I was wrong about before.
In my eyes, suppressing knowledge, or advocating it, is morally bankrupt.
Claiming I’m advocating the suppression of knowledge is a bold claim. I’m informing you (and anyone reading this thread) about their heavily skewed view of the world as a caution. You can always choose to not take my advice.
Also, claiming people are trying to suppress you simply because they shared their opinion is rather disingenuous. I have made a single personal attack on you, I’ve only criticized the informational valye of the channel you recommended, assuming that you were simply unaware of its issues.
You shouldn’t even try to dissuade people from watching it, you should want the people around you to be better educated
It’s weird you’re using this argument when the channel in question has a video called “Alternatives to Capitalism” that is just a 15 minute rant on why capitalism is bad and spends no time actually discussing potential alternatives to capitalism.
I’m willing to entertain arguments against, I don’t claim or think to know everything. In fact, everything Im right about now I can guarantee I was wrong about before.
Given how you immediately resorted to a “reducto ad absurdum” argument makes me highly suspicious of your willingness to entertain differing arguments. In fact, it’s concerningly similar to the debate strategy of Second Thought and tankues in general.
Please keep trying to broaden your horizons, particularly to more moderate sources. You’re sounding like you’re falling into an echo chamber
You’ve cherry picked parts of my argument and disregarded the meat, the heart of it that carried my point.
In other words, you either found contention too soon and disregarded the rest of youre intentionally being obtuse and arguing circularly as if one of us can win here.
The opening line was a statement, not an attack. The "you " in the second line is generic, not directed. If I’m not directing at you, why would I feel personally attacked? Cuz I don’t. C’mon man.
You’ve cherry picked parts of my argument and disregarded the meat, the heart of it that carried my point.
Your entire argument was (and should) be disregarded when you immediately resort to calling me morally bankrupt by your reducto ad adsurdum argument about your wife, which I actually did address if you read properly.
The opening line was a statement, not an attack. The "you " in the second line is generic, not directed. If I’m not directing at you, why would I feel personally attacked?
If you truly believe that any reasonable person wouldn’t take that as a personal attack then you need to brush up on your English skills.
Like I suggested for, you’re stacking up to be exactly what I would expect a fan of Second Thought to be like, and that’s not a compliment. I offered you a chance to help you dig yourself out of a tankie echo chamber, but if you want to mire yourself in that then by all means go ahead.
Head’s up, The Escapist is essentially dead since they fired their editor-in-chief (Nick Calandra) and all of the talent (Yahtzee, Frost, JM8, Jack, etc.) quit to start a new employee-owned company with him called Second Wind
One thing that has always helped me stop thinking a crush is when I’ve gotten another crush. I’m not sure this helps you much though lmao
I also used to get crushes on people I met who I was platonically excited about, if I thought about them too much. Lmk if this is you and I can go into more detail
Think of all the aspects you like about her and think of all the ways they might be impractical. I know someone who said they had a crush on “the most delicate person I could have met” and I asked “but would delicacy be good for parenting” and then her crush ended.
Last chance underwear happen now and again as well but I guess it depends on where the hole is.
I was chilling in my house with my legs crossed (ankle on knee style) wearing just underwear a couple weeks ago. I happened to look down and noticed that my dingaling was hanging out of a hole in my underwear that I didn’t realize was there. Those immediately went into the trash.
At the same time, if we can get the 14th figured out the “pledging troops in opposition to the federal government” seems like the things insurrectionists do.
Its a meaningful and new escalation. This dismissive attitude is exactly why there will be a war. These governors should be removed and charged with sedition.
One other thing that you should consider is what kind of software you know you need to run. I did read in the other comments that you mentioned Microsoft Office. If you need a native installed version, that’s where Mac or Windows will be stronger options.
That said, I have both a 2017 MacBook Pro as well as a 1st generation Framework laptop. Between the two of them, I prefer the Framework for a wide variety of reasons. Repairability and upgradability being major factors.
If you opt to use the framework laptop, I know the keyboard can be swapped out for a different language one. After looking at all the different keyboards they have, they don’t have Swedish as an option, but as an alternative, you could always get one of the blank ones and add the lettering down the line. Each operating system can change different keyboard formats on the fly, so even if you used a standard English QWERTY one, it could be switched to DVORAK in the OS and function like it. This should be the same for a Swedish language one if I’m not mistaken.
Finally for operating systems, if you need specific apps, Windows will likely give you the most compatibility with whatever you need to work with. Linux on the other hand is what I personally use and recommend if you’re willing to try something else. If you do, Linux Mint is the easiest one to jump into for a wide variety of reasons. And as a side note, you can also dual boot, using Windows for your studies and Linux for everything else.
I know this was a longer response but I hope that gives you some insight for your situation. Good luck!
Thank you for the response, I appreciate it! I’m not sure I understand the paragraph about the keyboard, however; do you mind explaining how switching the format will affect it?
The letters printed on the keys actually don’t matter.
When you install an OS or set up your user, there’s always a step asking you your language, right? Part of that is what the OS will interpret the keyboard key codes as.
For example, I pick US English as my language and then also say that I want “Dvorak” as my keyboard layout instead of the normal “Qwerty”.
After that, my laptop keyboard (which is the standard Qwerty everyone in the US gets with their Dell laptop) will be interpreted by the OS as actually being Dvorak layout instead, so typing the keys labeled “asdf” makes “aoeu” show up.
Software keyboard layout vs hardware keyboard layout.
Sure. In Windows there’s ways to change the settings for it. I’ll link some steps on that. I’ll also give the direct link if you want to use a blank keyboard:
That article above goes very in depth about how to get that done. Depending on what you need to work with; foreign languages, different key formats, etc. it should have the steps to switch them out and give you the best workflow. The short of it though, even if your physical keys show one thing, they will react like you expect with a keyboard you’re familiar with.
That second link will shows the different keyboard options they have. As a side note, if you choose the DIY edition, you can pick from the different keyboards rather than be stuck with default English. Still doesn’t have Swedish, but may give you a better alternative this way.
Do note, the DIY edition does require some assembly. When I got mine I had to install the wireless card, memory and SSD. Everything else is basically pre-assembled. frame.work/products/laptop-diy-13-gen-intel?q=pro…
Feel free to ask more questions if you need to. And you’re welcome
In my experience, get to know the person, as a person. I see the crush as a separate entity from myself. The crush sees them as some unrealistic ideal superhuman, which falls apart when I take time to find out who the actual person is.
This assumes you have opportunities to casually chat without planning time specifically, or you can be in a regular part of group conversations.
Didn’t hear any compelling reasons as to why an actual relationship would be bad. Having a relationship with an authority figure (teacher, doctor, therapist, etc) is taboo and often illegal, but if there’s really a connection there it should be doable to change up schedules or find new instruction so there’s no conflict anymore. Most of my crushes though have been very superficial and a few conversations dispelled the fantasy.
I see the crush as a separate entity from myself. The crush sees them as some unrealistic ideal superhuman, which falls apart when I take time to find out who the actual person is.
That’s pretty damn well put.
This assumes you have opportunities to casually chat without planning time specifically, or you can be in a regular part of group conversations.
There is maybe a tiny window. But it’s worth a shot.
Full speed ahead, tell her how you feel. It can only end in two ways:
Your dream becomes a premonition and you live happily ever after.
She tells you she doesn’t feel the same way and it ends there, awkwardly or not.
Speaking from experience. I had a crush on this one girl and I just couldn’t get her out of my mind. I decided to do something about it and asked her out. She said no and that was the end of it.
Don’t be afraid to be awkward.
Edit: If this truly is an impossible situation (you or the instructor are already in committed relationships) then I agree with everyone else telling you to find another instructor.
OR
Still do what I said but try to reconcile your feelings for her, with her. Also speaking from experience here. If she is a dance instructor, she is probably no stranger to having her pupils develop feelings for her.
If she is a dance instructor, she is probably no stranger to having her pupils develop feelings for her.
But this just makes it worse. Cause you’re probably right. Which would make me feel even more like a schmuck. Yeah I think I’m just gonna go find a new instructor.
Agreed. Coming out to a crush has never helped me personally as it was pretty evident they weren’t showing as much interest in me as I had in them. For me, crushes have always happened when my exposure to the person was one-sided/parasocial (as seems to have been the case in your lesson). I have found that the most effective way to prevent this is to get to know people that excite you on a personal level before a crush can develop. This usually means enthusiastically trying to interact with them moment I notice them and abandoning them if it does not work out — instead of watching them for a while and then deciding whether to approach.
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