Is there a forum for people who are lonely and sad but specifically not incel sickos?

shalafi, 9 months ago

I feel you on all that, I really do. Guess my brain responded to bullying by going the other way, fighting to learn socials skills to make it stop. I’m old BTW, we might have different definitions of “bullying”. Mine definition is; “getting the shit kicked out of you daily at school, while the teachers watch or participate, and/or being constantly on the lookout to avoid said ass beatings”. All that to say, I get you.

Anyhow, you might not like this take, but going outside is probably your answer. I know how facile that sounds, but you’re not going to make any sort of meaningful human connection with a keyboard.

What does “going outside” look like for you? I got no idea, but I got experience. If you like, DM me and I’ll give you my email or phone number. Hell, maybe we can help motivate each other.

binomialchicken, 9 months ago

I’ve been outside. It was awful.

v4ld1z, 9 months ago

I’m sorry for your past struggles and appreciate your reaching out like this a lot. Gives hope.

Much love and a happy new year to you.

shalafi, 9 months ago

Those struggles are decades past. And I learned from them! Wish OP had reached out to me. I feel I could help give them ideas, or at least the hope you mentioned.

And a happy new year to you as well!

tourist, 9 months ago

a forum to commiserate and share advice and coping mechanisms and so on.

Speaking for myself here, but I feel like this can make the problem worse. /r/depression is something in a similar vein. Whenever I went there, I’d always leave sadder. There’s something about reading other people’s struggles that just seemed to reinforce my own sense of hopelessness.

Also, bad advice on those kinds of forums can look extremely reasonable if your perception of the world is clouded by your problems.

I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but give therapy a shot if you haven’t already.

Like others have said, having a friend that you see regularly can help with loneliness. Doesn’t even have to be strangers. Try messaging an old friend you drifted apart from. Odds are they’d be happy to catch up.

Sorry for the unsolicited advice. I know this isn’t the type of response you asked for. I hope everything works out for you, bud.

stackPeek, 9 months ago

Doesn’t even have to be strangers. Try messaging an old friend you drifted apart from. Odds are they’d be happy to catch up.

Thank you, I really needed that. I don’t have a lot of friends but I do have some old friend that is kind to me

whoisearth, 9 months ago

Bang on. I’m feeling down right now (relationship that ended I’ve never recovered from years later) and no amount of chatting with people online is going to fill that gaping hole or help me patch it.

Professional help should always be approached first and foremost.

Of course, that’s not accessible for many people which is a shame and for that I have no answer, just that seeking to fill that hole with like-feeling people online is a recipe in disaster. Negativity breeds negativity.

Samsy, 9 months ago

Calling some groups “incel sickos” sounds rude and hateful to me and is best practice for going to be a incel sicko. I don’t want to judge, just a friendly warning.

Against loneliness there are good advices already written. Just an addition: first, be respectful and love to yourself. Second, do the same for others.

A lot of depressed people think, that other people could repair their hearts, but that’s not true. You start by yourself, the rest comes automatic.

cosmic_slate, 9 months ago

I disagree that it’s rude and hateful. Incels are specifically referring to the type of lonely people who blame their loneliness on other people.

There is no way that’s a healthy mindset to be around for those who are lonely that want to improve their situation.

cybersandwich, 9 months ago

Calling incle sickos “incel sickos” is 100% okay and acceptable. There is no reason to shy away from calling spades spades.

There is this idea that we need to pussyfoot around calling out hateful groups so what? We don’t offend them?

No, confront it head on. You encourage that type of behavior if you shy away from confronting it.

Don’t be so open minded your brain falls out.

rainerloeten, 9 months ago

I.e. Karl Popper’s tolerance paradox of being intolerant towards intolerance. Or, in a less confusing way: if someone doesn’t adhere to the mutual rules set by a group of people (read “society”), those rules no longer apply to them.

rainerloeten, 9 months ago

Respectfully, do you know what incels are? Besides, while your advice is not wrong, I think it’s a bit too broad and OP specifically asked for places/forums. But it definitely holds some truth and utility.

Apytele, 9 months ago

I was trying to make a dbt server but I can’t figure out something with the domain name to get federated properly.

APassenger, 9 months ago (edited 6 months ago)

Reddit had things like over40, over50, and conversation subs.

If lemmy doesn’t have that, I think it should. Those were good places, less bubbled, and often more grounded. Just limited patience for those who constantly need help.

But if conversation is what’s desired, those worked.

I may not know you, but I hope the responses help and that your week kicks some ass.

Here’s to a good 2024.

stackPeek, 9 months ago

I agree that Lemmy need those places!

Ookami38, 9 months ago

I’ve quite liked HealthyGamerGGs discord channel. It has spaces pretty much dedicated to exactly what you’re looking for, practicing social situations in safe spaces. Coaching that’s not the hyper masculine pick-up game kind of coaching. Places to ask advice, mental health spaces, etc.