Well according to a .world poster in this thread that you and I can’t see from our instance, the DPRK has slaves. But don’t worry, this won’t happen because a lemmy.ca user thinks that “Letting that many foreigners into North Korea would be a PR disaster for the Country.”
I’d love to say it would be a PR disaster for American news, but realistically people have become too invested in the American Cinematic Universe to be swayed by what visitors have to say.
The lib I work with believes all the nonsense about North Korea and I’ve tried explaining to him that North Korea literally has non-North Korean tour guides who absolutely allow you to go where you want but usually prefer if you don’t because no one would be able to communicate with you if you got lost, and your vacation would be wasted if you had no idea where to go, but he believes that it’s all just a show, as though any country on the planet actually puts in that kind of effort to convince foreigners. Every time I tell him there are literally people who’ve posted positive news in regards to being there, or about a non-North Korean who works there, he still wants to believe what the news says or whatever negative claims are being made about it, and so he challenged me to go to North Korea on vacation and ‘find out the truth for both of us’ (he already believes I’ll come back with horror stories), and so I challenged him and asked “If I go there and find out that it’s all nonsense, that the country is fine and peaceful, would you believe me?”. I personally hate traveling, and going on vacation anywhere is a chore I loathe, and so surely if I go to such effort then he’ll believe me, right? His response was a reluctant “I’ll be more likely to believe it”
This guy doesn’t want to believe he’s been lied to about North Korea; literally no amount of evidence will sway him; it’s almost like this is some kind of investment for him (I say him, but this applies to libs in general).
I don’t think the DPRK wants to give an opportunity to basically any country in the world to plant spies. Considering the US used visits of the Atomic Energy Commission to infiltrate the DPRK in the 90s, welcoming thousands and thousands of difficult to vet corporate reps sounds like an open invitation for infiltration.
My first Hotmail address was based off my football position and jersey number. During high school I changed positions and numbers along the way, making it obsolete like a year after creating it
Still useful for signing up to things I know are gonna spam me with bullshit though, the ad copy can join old MySpace reminders.
As in if you’re in a relationship with a man, will he be looking forward to having sex?
In the vast majority of cases the answer is yes, in a minority of cases the answer is that the person is asexual or simply insecure about their sexuality.
That’s a discussion you need to have with your partner if you’re questioning yourself.
What about men that have respect for their SO and don’t see sex as the final goal? I mean, stay with the same person long enough and that part of the relationship will not be as important after a while, does it means the relationship is dead to the man? Because I can’t explain why people stay together for decades then.
Don’t most women have the same expectation that entering a love relationship with someone will lead to a physical relationship at some point?
You’re talking as if women didn’t have sexual desires and… Well… Maybe you don’t, but your experience isn’t the majority’s.
… What’s that? They said OPSEC? The fuck is an OPSEC? Some new part of the queer alphabet soup that I haven’t heard of?
Sorry, that little skit played out in my head after reading your reply. It’s a weird thing when your intrusive thoughts turn to shitposting. I feel like that person on a leash meme where the thing I’m trying to control is a coked up shitpost tulpa.
You’re talking as if women didn’t have sexual desires and…
I didn’t say they didn’t . I’m not sure why you would think that.
What about asexuals?
The overwhelming majority of men are neither gay nor asexual. My statement is generally correct.
What about men that have respect for their SO and don’t see sex as the final goal?
It’s either the final goal or its on the way there. Young men want sex. Sexual tension is a factor even if neither he nor she sees it as a likely thing. Failing to understand that is liable to lead to failing to apprehend human behavior which often makes no sense if we remove such tension. Men don’t just do things for love they do things for imaginary hypothetical love neither party believes will ever happen. Watch people interact sometime.
I didn’t say they didn’t . I’m not sure why you would think that.
Well you certainly don’t talk like your believe that women are capable of seeing sex as something to expect from their relationship!
My statement is generally correct.
Based on zero research and pure anecdotes…
It’s either the final goal or its on the way there.
Oh so now it’s not necessarily a goal anymore… Funny that when someone argues a bit you change your tune but you’re still unable to admit that your might simply be wrong and generalizing based on some bad experiences.
Young men want sex.
Oh so it’s only young men now… You’re moving that goalpost so much, take care not to hurt your back!
Men don’t just do things for love they do things for imaginary hypothetical love neither party believes will ever happen.
Nice if you to put everyone in the same basket, maybe you should watch people interact sometimes, I’m a man with plenty of women friends and there’s no sexual tension or desire there.
I don’t know what kind of relationships you’ve had with men in the past but it’s no more fair of you to generalize like that then it would be for me to say all women end up cheating just because I’ve known more women who did so then men.
I’ve also been treated like crap by some women, should I start hating on them and talking like they all want the same thing? Heck, all women want is men’s money. There, we’re on the same level now, how does it feel? Do you think men who believe that are idiots? Well, women who think men only want sex are idiots too.
I don’t know what kind of relationships you’ve had with men
I’m a straight man. If you think I’m being unfair to men I’m not. I’m just capable of looking at myself and others critically and fairly and not bullshitting myself by pretending to cold and saintly virtue. To be without passion or drive is neither virtuous or desirable. I don’t need to research men to understand what it is to be a man especially a young man. I’m sorry you are so confused that you can’t even have this conversation maturely.
If that’s how you feel about the people around you and you can’t have a relationship with a woman without seeing sex as the end goal, the only person that needs maturing here is you bud.
That ain’t true. You can be friends with women. You can be friends with men. Even if you are attracted to them, you can be friends with them, but the thing is, you gotta respect the friendship. It’s not all sex.
Speaking as a straight cis male who’s on the verge of asexuality, it’s been incredibly difficult and oftentimes alienating having discussions of sexuality and sexual insecurities with my other cis male friends because a lot of the discussion tends to veer into vulgarity or jesting. Then there’s the conversations you have with your partners and sometimes some of those partners implying that you’re not ‘man enough’, etc.
I understand that a lot of this is due to toxic masculinity but I’ve gotta say, it’s been pretty tough.
Yeah, I hate how girls will be disgusted when it’s somehow suggested you’d want to have sex with them, while at the same time, I don’t feel like I’m even supposed to have an opinion.
It’s like, I’m a man, not in a relationship, not gay and not good at pretending I’ve never heard of sexuality, so if I don’t want to have sex with a girl, that must mean I find her extremely ugly.
I mean, it may depend on the context, but I think it’s pretty reasonable to feel uncomfortable if it’s apparent that someone is thinking about having sex with you while you’re just trying to have a conversation.
I’m not at all trying to say that I don’t think that’s reasonable. I’m complaining that I don’t feel like I have an influence on the matter.
Sometimes, you accidentally say something with a double meaning that can be interpreted sexually and it’s the girl who points that out and then assumes you’re thinking perverted things, because she’s been told anyone with a penis does that all the time.
I am annoyed by that, because I’m a big fan of girls and don’t want to convey that they’re just meat to entertain my sexuality. If you’re reading me as a tone-deaf pervert, that will not make sense.
From the other side, for a lot of women don’t just hear that people do that (though there are many firsthand accounts), they experience it. Even if you don’t mean anything by it, they’ve likely been the victim of enough purposefully suggestive comments that they’re sensitive to it. It’s not really your fault, but it’s not theirs, either.
Out of curiosity, do you have some examples of misconstrued phrases?
Oh yeah, for sure. I hate all the slimy idiots that can’t speak with a woman without perverted comments and everyone who defends them.
I did have a specific example in mind when I wrote the above, but it happened in German, so the double meaning won’t make quite as much sense:
I was working with a lady colleague on wrapping articles and whenever we had completed one, we placed it into a larger carton for shipping. Each of us had our own larger carton that we filled.
Well, and one time, I went to put my article away, but got shortly confused and then exclaimed “Oh, now I just wanted to shove it into yours.”.
And then, yeah, she asked, if I’m aware what I just said, and I replied that I am, but I only noticed after I had said it. Enqueue awkward silence.
So, there was no actual problem. She was no fan of me having said that, but she understood that this happens and knew me already well enough that I was honest about it.
I just thought about it afterwards and realized that I didn’t even actually desire traditional, penetrative sex with her.
I do think sexuality in general is cool, as in two consenting adults making each other feel good. And she is gorgeous. She often talked about how she visited the gym and worked on her body and one time admitted that she felt self-conscious about it.
So, there was a certain curiosity what her body looks like and I would have loved to tell her that she’s a fucking dumbass for being self-conscious about it. And yeah, sure, some amount of instinctive sexual desire will be involved. I can’t shut that part of my brain off completely.
But all of that is ignoring that I’m a fucking dumbass, too. I’m also self-conscious about my body. And I don’t train, I actually have a reason to be self-conscious. As incumbent of the male gender role, I’m not supposed to, but that doesn’t sit well with me.
I would need a lot of trust to believe that a girl actually wants to have sex with me, both because I don’t find my body desirable and because I care about consent beyond yes or no. A girl enduring sex with me, just because she likes me in other ways, that sounds like the worst kind of hell for me.
But yeah, none of that mattered in that situation.
“Whatever… stop talking to me. You clearly just want to get into my pants. What?!? You DON’T want to sleep with me? Why the eff not?! Am I not good enough for you? Not pretty enough?!”
Not if you are old enough. The only nice part about being in my early 40s is that when I tell someone that, “yes, I’m that picky/shallow,” they seem to just accept it and move on. I’m old enough that when I tell someone “this is the bare minimum that I expect,” they accept that and move on.
The only strange part for me at this point is that the bare minimum I expect is that you a) are able to take care of your own needs, just as I do, b) are keeping up with your exercise routine, and will be willing to help both of us in pushing each other to better heights, and c) you aren’t vapid, and can actually hold a conversation. I’m not interested in being your professor/father/educator exclusively. I want to challenge you, just as much as you challenge me.
Literally every potential partner I have met cannot fulfill these, IMHO, pretty basic requirements. The only real benefit of being this shallow/picky is that now people finally respect my choices.
a sounds reasonable. But b and c sound like big expectations where I would doubt that I could fulfill them all the time and then I would disappoint. So these two points sound to me like a lot of pressure.
They are a lot of pressure. They are the same pressure I put on myself, so yeah. Not many people push themselves the way I do, so not many people would even want to live my lifestyle. Especially as it isn’t very rewarding in a material sense.
Ah then it is fine. No judgement. I just wanted to make sure you don’t underestimate their implications and your wording sounded a bit like you consider them the normal baseline.
If you want to challenge them then how are b) and c) prerequisites? Where’s the challenge when it’s already there? If you want to be challenged then are you ready to be challenged in areas other than that? What if someone wants you to challenge to b) eat healthy home-made food every day and c) develop the grace and skill to tame a social situation with smalltalk, instead of insisting that every verbal utterance be a philosophical dissertation?
I was specifically thinking of a woman who recently asked me why I wear black all the time, and when I replied “Ask Johnny Cash,” she got visibly confused and said, “Oh.” I’d have told her to either read the lyrics or listen to Man in Black, if she’d asked. I don’t know what to do with confused disengagement.
Now I can’t read body language through text but maybe she had an assumption, that got destroyed, therefore she looked confused? It doesn’t mean that she didn’t know the lyrics or the man. Also do you enjoy being needlessly cryptic.
I don’t know what to do with confused disengagement.
Engage by reassuring, or changing the topic? Cracking a joke? (“Also, I’m way too lazy to colour-match”). Whatever.
I married my highschool girlfriend, so I’m definitely not in the know about the dating scene… but this sounds very incel-y to me.
If you’re objectively getting this kind of response, it may be that you’re pursuing the wrong type of person, or you should work on your approach. Every person is an individual, you gotta treat each person as an individual.
I don’t think the person was saying they would really say that they are saying that they are pointlessly calling out the elephant in the room. As a teenage girl if you aren’t a gargoyle literally every teenage boy is thinking about you sexually because that is the level of hormonal reality. It’s like saying stop talking to me you just have 2 eyes and 2 arms.
I’m pretty sure, that was a hyperbole, not an actual, verbatim response. Most girls won’t actually say these things, because that would say a lot more (that they’re conceited). But you can often tell that they’re overthinking it from their reaction, which is of course difficult to portray with words.
But yeah, it should be clarified that girls are not to blame for this. Society as a whole, both men and women, are involved in passing this non-sense continually onwards.
Talking about serious emotional issues or relationship problems with other men is pretty much uniformly crap. Most men are conditioned to not open up, or prefer immature viewpoints about all of that - or are just immature and crude and actually think various stupid and abusive things about women. Unfortunately some women actually prefer that.
Perhaps you think too low of yourself? There will always be people who will prefer you to think this or that. Your parents, some dickhead politicians, your peers, … You don’t need everybody to like what you think.
As an asexual male, I totally understand where you are coming from.
I generally don’t talk about anything like that with other men of any stripe. I have a few very understanding female friends who don’t judge and even then when I talk about it, it feels like I’m handing them a burden.
It’s cool my man, just find a partner with a similar sex drive or be open to atypical relationships. My wife has a fairly low sex drive, and mine’s not crazy but the disparity can be rough.
There’s almost certainly groups of people who feel like you do online, so if you want to, I’m sure you can find a place that feels super accepting.
But yeah, toxic masculinity/patriarchy is a bitch.
It testing your patience when it is something you are ignorant about seems like the real root issue there. Do you get worked up over Zimbabwean municipal politics? Do you block people who complain about the notion of quantum probability when it is brought up?
Well, to be fair, what they meant to say is “There is no way to prevent this while not changing gun law, state of mental healthcare, income inequality in economic classes, or criminal law and policing issues.” which is correct statement overall.
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