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Localhorst86, in Programmer tries to explain binary search to the police

“Exactly my point. We will not be investing an hour looking at the footage to pinpoint the time of theft, now get out!”

Rolando,

Show up with a box of donuts.

“Hey, look what I got for us to eat while looking at that tape!”

“Oh, I don’t think those donuts will last more than ten minutes here!”

“No problem, I know a way that won’t take that long…”

HubertManne, in Programmer tries to explain binary search to the police
@HubertManne@kbin.social avatar

that dawn of humanity is only going to work if the rewind/fast forward is instantaneous.

kryptonianCodeMonkey, (edited )

Also, if I rewind to the Neolithic and I see a bunch of cavemen, sabertooth tigers and a Schwinn chained to a bike rack, I’m not going to just fast forward from there. I have other questions.

MagicShel,

I mean… You’re not gonna outrun that sabertooth on foot.

stufkes, in I'll just be a quick 3h

Garcia From Criminal Minds: consider it done 😂

reverendsteveii,

Enhance

nintendiator,

Hang on, what’s that? Click on the ip_address column!

fl42v, in git commit -m "hotfix"

Yeah, I believe that won’t work. The tape is supposed to be blue

ensignrick, in I'll just be a quick 3h
@ensignrick@startrek.website avatar

Me this morning. I’m gonna take a look at why this Jenkins pipeline is failing. This one job starts a dozen others. Half are failing. For different reasons. After starting rewriting a job that someone half assed. Realize the original error was caused by missing input but some are still valid. Still can’t figure out why my rewritten program is erroring. Get pulled away because another program did something weird… I completed nothing today but worked a ton.

My day…

criminalunicorn,
@criminalunicorn@feddit.uk avatar

You have perfectly described my day almost everyday.

PizzaMane, (edited ) in I'll just be a quick 3h

At work, I am currently dealing with a table that has no primary key, no foreign key, duplicate (almost) serial numbers, booleans stored as strings, and so on. It’s a nightmare of a table.

Entity framework is acting like I’m on meth for using such a table.

SaintWacko, (edited )

How about a date stored as an integer?

Edit: and I’m not taking about a timestamp

PizzaMane, (edited )

No, we have worse. Dates sometimes stored as strings, sometimes as datetimes, and sometimes as integers. There is no consistency, logic, or forethought to the schema.

It’s rough.

peyotecosmico,

I’ve been there and you know what’s worse about it? When you fix it only you or a handful of people notice the astronomical labor you did.

“It worked before why did you change it? You are just doing busywork”

PizzaMane,

Yeah. Luckily the work I am doing is to fix some really bad work that the entire company has been complaining about. So once it’s fixed it will hopefully be a little bit more recognition than that. Plus my boss is pretty level headed.

But who fucking knows? There is always the likelihood that people will say things along those lines. And it ain’t my job to fight them on that.

ChickenLadyLovesLife,

My all-time favorite database table was a table named STATE, meant to store all US states. It had 531 rows.

Melatonin,

Confusion … Your medical condition Disorganized

outcide,
@outcide@lemmy.world avatar

Relatable. 🤣

reverendsteveii,

well, there’s confusion, paranoia, agitation and so many others…

psud,

I have been trying to get people in my area to make their new table generically named, since it’s going to be the only table that can map a date range to a different date range, but I’m on holidays now, and they can’t imagine anything other than their little project needing this table, so it’s going to be named for this one project, and it’s columns will be named for the specific data they’ll hold :(

kd45, (edited ) in I'll just be a quick 3h

Oh no! How dare they ask you to do your job? Just get on with it and do what they pay you for

parlaptie,

This is a programming community. The joke is that you’re asked to do something that isn’t part of your job, to do someone else’s job for them.

lars, in Dev rule

What’s an anal patch

detectivemittens,

Keming strikes again!

PhlubbaDubba, in I'll just be a quick 3h

See this is where Excel … well, excels!

Pivot tables do these data pulls pretty easy

UnrepententProcrastinator,

Please don’t tell that to any manager. They’ll misinterpret it.

PhlubbaDubba,

Nah this is one of those slick work deals, legit all you need to do is list all your entries, order a pivot table, and then you can just arrange your variables to display however you want them to, do a little format pizaz, and voila, here’s that “report” you asked for!

oce,
@oce@jlai.lu avatar

Is it ironic?

Mango, in I'll just be a quick 3h

Well if organizing things in pristine tables makes things quick, why can’t we have nice things?

Patches, (edited )

Because Jen in accounting doesn’t believe in it, and Tom the CIO likes his data stored raw in TXT Amphibious Delineated. Then our biggest client prefers data as Jason so we swapped half of our database to that to speed things up.

But the real problem is high turnover because we don’t pay anyone enough to work on things they are proud of. After 2 years we stop doing even 3% COL raises so they go elsewhere. So every 2-4 years each position gets a new opinionated asshole.

reverendsteveii,

our biggest client prefers data as Jason so we swapped half of our database to that

the app I work with currently stores json as the only column in a sql table and it hurts me so very much. like watching someone pick up a screwdriver and try to bash a nail in with the handle.

Melatonin, in I'll just be a quick 3h

Hey! I just started looking at SQL and this is the first SQL joke I’ve ever seen or at least ever gotten!

So, congratulations me!

Dave,
@Dave@lemmy.nz avatar

Welcome! Please complete your setup by placing this on your wall: xkcd.com/327

Melatonin,

Lolz got that one too

JPJones, in I'll just be a quick 3h

It’s OKAY to say no.

DinosaurSr,

I’ve gotta get better at this…

Dentarthurdent, in I'll just be a quick 3h

Same feel as “how long is this going to take to pull?” Well I don’t know if part of what you’re asking for exists, how clean it is, and if can join the data you’re talking about, so anywhere from 5 minutes to never?

cybersandwich,

That’s exactly how you should respond. I’ve been on the requester for some of these and if my team gave me that as a response I’d just say “let me know what you find out or when you know more.”

pomodoro_longbreak, (edited ) in I'll just be a quick 3h
@pomodoro_longbreak@sh.itjust.works avatar

Man I don’t regret leaving this behind at my last job. You start out by doing someone a one-off like “sure I can pull the top 5 promotional GICs broken down by region for your blog article - I love supporting my co-workers!”

Then requests become increasingly esoteric and arcane, and insistent.

You try to build a simple FE to expose the data for them, but you can’t get the time approved so you either have to do it with OT or good ol’ time theft, and even then there’s no replacement for just writing SQL, so you’ll always be their silver bullet.

applebusch,

At that point you teach them how to do it themselves. Isn’t there a way to give them an account that only has read access so they can’t inadvertently screw up the database?

lazyslacker,

In Oracle you’d just set up a user that has limited access and give them those credentials. Creating a few views that pulls in the data they want is a bonus.

pomodoro_longbreak,
@pomodoro_longbreak@sh.itjust.works avatar

I like that idea, and it actually did work for our Marketing guy (Salesforce has a kind of SQL). Near the end there, I just had to debug a few of his harder errors, or double check a script that was going to be running on production.

Never thought of it for Postres or Mysql, etc, but I suppose there’s got to be an easy enough way to get someone access

4am,

phpmysqladmin 😆

pkill, in 10 months later bill revisits his spaghetti code. forgets absolutely everything and refuses to elaborate. this wouldn't have happened if Bill forgot to comment on his code

This is Bill.

Bill doesn’t need to minify his code, he names things using a single character even in compiled languages.

Bill is a heckin chad who can guess what the code does merely by looking at types and control flow.

Be like Bill

ChickenLadyLovesLife,

I started coding with TurboBasic. My favorite thing about TB was that you could have variable names of any length but the compiler only used the first two letters - and case insensitive at that. So “Douchebag” and “doorknocker” looked like different variables but were actually the same thing.

Zagorath,
@Zagorath@aussie.zone avatar

Is the Greek question mark a legal identifier for variable names?

ShitOnABrick, (edited )
@ShitOnABrick@lemmy.world avatar

I’m no heckin chad like bill ima soyjak :(

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